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How Chinese Girls Lose First Kiss

Chinese kiss

Among the blog readers who recently contacted me, there were two guys who felt anxious about the moment when it would come to kissing Chinese girl.
Are there any special rules?” / “Should I avoid doing certain things?

I can only imagine that to some people Chinese girls might seem as a sort of aliens who must have a manual for efficient interaction. But the answer to “kissing dilemma” is simple. There are no special rules. At least I am not aware of them ;-)  .

Anyway, I browsed through one Chinese forum and found the thread in which Chinese girls were discussing their experience of the first kiss. So, I decided to translate some of the responses and share them here.

There is just one curious moment which has to be explained in advance. When Chinese talk about the first kiss they often describe the whole experience as “I lost my first kiss” (我失去了我的初吻) – in the way that English-speakers would say “I lost my virginity”.

Its’ not so surprising, though. Actually, some researchers (like Sheryl Kirshenbaum – author of the book “Science of Kissing”) think that the experience of the first kiss can be much more significant and intense than that of the first sexual relationship.

She further claims that more than 90% of people are able to recall their first kiss in small details. I personally think that it is not only about the very first kiss in person’s life. The same importance I’d apply to the first kiss shared between two people who later become a couple. In my opinion, it is the kiss and not the sex which defines when two become girlfriend and boyfriend.

Unless your personal life mainly consists of one-night stands, most efforts in pursuing the girl are invested in the phase leading to the first kiss compared to the later stage leading to sexual intimacy. During the latter stage, all that you have to do is not to mess things up – since the girl’s readiness to accept kiss usually signals that she already treats you as her boyfriend.

OK, so here are some of the quotes selected by me from Tianya.

He wanted to kiss me. I said that we have to wait until after marriage. At that time I didn’t know [about sex]. I was afraid I’d have a baby once I touch him. Every time he wanted to kiss me, I would move my head away.
I planned to let him kiss me on his birthday, but one evening I felt I wanted. We were sitting on the ground, his body leaning against my leg. Suddenly I felt that I want to kiss him very much, so I gave a kiss on his neck. […]

Another girl had her first kiss at the age of 28 years.

He tried to kiss me, but I instinctively moved back. He got angry and complained that I push him away.
So, tell me what I should do” – I replied. After hearing it, he immediately moved forward and gave me a kiss…
I almost fainted…
All the way back home I couldn’t stop thinking about it… The first kiss was wonderful.

My first kiss was with a classmate from high school. He was extremely ugly, thin and tall. But he was very smart. He read a lot of books. Once we went to the Summer Palace […] There I got my first kiss.
At the beginning, I tried to hide and pushed him away. After we kissed, I suddenly felt that I gave all my life to him and he seemed to be responsible…
I thought I would become pregnant and give birth to a kid. I clearly remember how scared I was…
The feeling was as I am not virgin anymore.

First kiss should be beautiful and sweet. However, my first kiss was lost without any feeling of sweetness. It was robbed when I was crying [after I drank alcohol]. When I recall that kiss, I don’t feel any happiness.

So happy and sweet… Can’t express it with words. I’ll never forget the kiss I gave you, my big silly boy.

I really miss the day when I lost my first kiss. I felt very happy…

More than 20 years of waiting finally ended. The feeling was very sweet. I felt my heart melting.

I am really sad when I think of the moment when I lost my first kiss…. That evening I slept with a company of classmates. Suddenly – through my dream – I felt something strange on my mouth. Without thinking twice, I slapped. Then I shouted: “Fxxk, not only robbed my first kiss but also made my mouth swollen. Go to hell, damn mosquito!

The first kiss was light, sweet and had a taste of cigarette.

I felt so dirty. I used wet towel to rub my lips, but still couldn’t make it clean. I also worried that it could make me pregnant. Hehe, so funny when I am thinking of it now.

Heart-rate – 120 per minute. All blood raced to my head. I didn’t know whether I should keep my eyes open or closed and what to do with my arms and legs. I sweated, everything around me became blurry and I couldn’t hear a thing…
The worst thing – it was over before I realized what’s going on.

Kiss MeThere is no doubt that a bad kiss can be a deal-breaker. It can turn out that all the things which so perfectly fell in place before, all of a sudden fall apart after one kiss.

You shouldn’t, however, blame yourself for that. Scientists found that when kissing we act like sensitive chemical labs analyzing for the presence of specific substances in each other’s saliva. Thus, the incompatibility can exist on physiological level and it has nothing to do with the “kissing technique”.

By the way, regarding the physiology – incompatibility is more probable for people whose immune systems have similar characteristics. I guess that this is the nature’s attempt to diversify our genetic pool and avoid incest.

Thus, at least in theory, cross-cultural relationships provide a better chance for sweet kisses ;-) .

[Not a] kiss expert, Crystal Tao

  • PL

    First kiss at 28 ?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thinking you can get pregnant from kissing ???????????!!!!!!!!!!!

    WTF?!

    I had my first kiss when I was about 6. She was called Wendy, and was my first girlfriend. We also played a game called “Kiss chase” at primary school. Girls would chase boys to kiss them. I always played to lose.

    • HongBaoNaLai

      WHat culture you from? Most kids despise the opposite sex. Til they hit puberty and then they want to feel each other up. But then yet again there is still some despising feelings from childhood but confused because their sexual desires are changing their minds.

      Its like for a 13 year old boy it will be a like “I hate girls, but my crotch wants girls!” And eventually the dick convinces the boy to like girls.

  • http://sarajaaksola.com Sara

    I am so surprised to hear that some of the girls thought that a kiss can lead to pregnancy. Is it really common that girls in their teens or even when they are adults don’t know about this? When I was 12 years old teachers showed us a cartoon video of where babies come from so no room for false information.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      It’s not surprising – you are from Finland. I heard that kids there have very progressive sex education in schools.

  • http://wanderingamericantravelblog.blogspot.com/ WanderingAmerican

    We all know how bad China’s sex education is but thinking you can get pregnant from a kiss is pretty wild to me. It seems strange that a girl wouldn’t learn the basics of sex from her mother/tv/internet or where ever.

  • Serenity

    Kissing = pregnancy is probably the most naive thing I’ve ever heard. Cute, but more like stupid cute rather than cute cute.

  • Jay K.

    No i will not give u juicy gossip or detail about it, but it is a tad bit 很黄很暴力 so bare with me (no pun intended)

    awhile back dated a girl who was a virgin, long story short i respected her ideals on virginity so i couldnt hit it not to mention dating a virgin has been a personal no no in my college days of dating.

    yes she was chinese, where? from shenyang

    i ended up putting on the condom but ugh going at it anal style. yes it was with protection but the next day she was scared because she said according to her “i am no longer fit to be a wife fo chinese man since im no longer a virgin and plus u may have gotten me pregnant…i havent been able to go regularly”

    stunned by this i asked her what u mean not go regularly, do you mean you missed your period (月经)

    she said no, but i’ve been having 便秘(constipation) for 3 days now.

    u know how hard i laughed my ass off

    and yes this is a true story.

    • http://wanderingamericantravelblog.blogspot.com/ WanderingAmerican

      Nice. Is your name supposed to be a pun on jk (just kidding) or is that just an awesome coincidence?

    • Utah not Mormon

      JK, your a real “class act”.

    • Nick

      Before everyone starts picking on Jay, I think he was simply trying to find a reasonable compromise.

      However, you should not have laughed at her! The poor girl was (I suppose) serious.

  • http://www.mybeijingsurvivaldiary.wordpress.com Michelle

    You know, I wouldn’t be surprised if Chinese mothers started telling their young daughters that kissing would lead to pregnancy which would lead to them being disowned. It’s no wonder so many Chinese girls get their first kiss after college.

    • ziccawei

      It could also explain why so many teenage girls in China are having abortions. Due to their idiotic mothers giving them bullshit advice.

      Man, sometimes this country is unbelievable……….

  • Nick

    I still remember the first time I kissed my sweetie… I was so nervous because, while we had been writing back and forth to each other for years, it was the first time we had met in person. She was (and is) stunningly beautiful and I am rather plain.

    We were finally alone when I went to my hotel room. She came into the room and closed the door. We hugged for a bit and then I looked into her eyes and asked, nervously, if I may kiss her. She smiled, stood up on her toes* and kissed me – the sweetest, most wonderful kiss of my life! Then she smiled and said “Yes”. :smile:

    *I’m not tall, but she’s about six inches shorter than I am.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      You see? Just a confirmation of the fact that we ALWAYS remember the first kiss!

      Even the biggest cynics do (it’s not about you, Nick)

  • HongBaoNaLai

    This reminds me of the Keisha song. My first kiss went a little like this @#$@%% AND TWIST! @#$@%% AND TWIST!

    ANd according to American media most girls lose their first kiss practicing on their best friend to make sure they are good kissers!

    Anyways how do you define a good kiss?

    • http://wanderingamericantravelblog.blogspot.com/ WanderingAmerican

      A good kiss should leave her wishing she had a towel to wipe off the slobber. :mrgreen:

  • Marty

    lol funny and also rather strange to read that many Chinese girls thought kiss=pregnancy….
    I’m originally from Korea and I had my first kiss when I was around 12 I guess(‘first kiss with feelings involved’, that is).

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