Among the blog readers who recently contacted me, there were two guys who felt anxious about the moment when it would come to kissing Chinese girl.
“Are there any special rules?” / “Should I avoid doing certain things?”

I can only imagine that to some people Chinese girls might seem as a sort of aliens who must have a manual for efficient interaction. But the answer to “kissing dilemma” is simple. There are no special rules. At least I am not aware of them ;-)  .

Anyway, I browsed through one Chinese forum and found the thread in which Chinese girls were discussing their experience of the first kiss. So, I decided to translate some of the responses and share them here.

There is just one curious moment which has to be explained in advance. When Chinese talk about the first kiss they often describe the whole experience as “I lost my first kiss” (我失去了我的初吻) – in the way that English-speakers would say “I lost my virginity”.

Its’ not so surprising, though. Actually, some researchers (like Sheryl Kirshenbaum – author of the book “Science of Kissing”) think that the experience of the first kiss can be much more significant and intense than that of the first sexual relationship.

She further claims that more than 90% of people are able to recall their first kiss in small details. I personally think that it is not only about the very first kiss in person’s life. The same importance I’d apply to the first kiss shared between two people who later become a couple. In my opinion, it is the kiss and not the sex which defines when two become girlfriend and boyfriend.

Unless your personal life mainly consists of one-night stands, most efforts in pursuing the girl are invested in the phase leading to the first kiss compared to the later stage leading to sexual intimacy. During the latter stage, all that you have to do is not to mess things up – since the girl’s readiness to accept kiss usually signals that she already treats you as her boyfriend.

OK, so here are some of the quotes selected by me from Tianya.

He wanted to kiss me. I said that we have to wait until after marriage. At that time I didn’t know [about sex]. I was afraid I’d have a baby once I touch him. Every time he wanted to kiss me, I would move my head away.
I planned to let him kiss me on his birthday, but one evening I felt I wanted. We were sitting on the ground, his body leaning against my leg. Suddenly I felt that I want to kiss him very much, so I gave a kiss on his neck. […]

Another girl had her first kiss at the age of 28 years.

He tried to kiss me, but I instinctively moved back. He got angry and complained that I push him away.
“So, tell me what I should do” – I replied. After hearing it, he immediately moved forward and gave me a kiss…
I almost fainted…
All the way back home I couldn’t stop thinking about it… The first kiss was wonderful.

My first kiss was with a classmate from high school. He was extremely ugly, thin and tall. But he was very smart. He read a lot of books. Once we went to the Summer Palace […] There I got my first kiss.
At the beginning, I tried to hide and pushed him away. After we kissed, I suddenly felt that I gave all my life to him and he seemed to be responsible…
I thought I would become pregnant and give birth to a kid. I clearly remember how scared I was…
The feeling was as I am not virgin anymore.

First kiss should be beautiful and sweet. However, my first kiss was lost without any feeling of sweetness. It was robbed when I was crying [after I drank alcohol]. When I recall that kiss, I don’t feel any happiness.

So happy and sweet… Can’t express it with words. I’ll never forget the kiss I gave you, my big silly boy.

I really miss the day when I lost my first kiss. I felt very happy…

More than 20 years of waiting finally ended. The feeling was very sweet. I felt my heart melting.

I am really sad when I think of the moment when I lost my first kiss…. That evening I slept with a company of classmates. Suddenly – through my dream – I felt something strange on my mouth. Without thinking twice, I slapped. Then I shouted: “Fxxk, not only robbed my first kiss but also made my mouth swollen. Go to hell, damn mosquito!“

The first kiss was light, sweet and had a taste of cigarette.

I felt so dirty. I used wet towel to rub my lips, but still couldn’t make it clean. I also worried that it could make me pregnant. Hehe, so funny when I am thinking of it now.

Heart-rate – 120 per minute. All blood raced to my head. I didn’t know whether I should keep my eyes open or closed and what to do with my arms and legs. I sweated, everything around me became blurry and I couldn’t hear a thing…
The worst thing – it was over before I realized what’s going on.

There is no doubt that a bad kiss can be a deal-breaker. It can turn out that all the things which so perfectly fell in place before, all of a sudden fall apart after one kiss.

You shouldn’t, however, blame yourself for that. Scientists found that when kissing we act like sensitive chemical labs analyzing for the presence of specific substances in each other’s saliva. Thus, the incompatibility can exist on physiological level and it has nothing to do with the “kissing technique”.

By the way, regarding the physiology – incompatibility is more probable for people whose immune systems have similar characteristics. I guess that this is the nature’s attempt to diversify our genetic pool and avoid incest.

Thus, at least in theory, cross-cultural relationships provide a better chance for sweet kisses ;-) .

[Not a] kiss expert, Crystal Tao