Chinese Girls Profiles on Dating Sites

中国女孩在征婚网站上的个人简介

Chinese dating site

Yesterday I decided to get closer to the readers of my blog. I did so by engaging into the activity which at least some of you have been doing (and maybe are still doing) for a while – browsing the profiles of Chinese girls on dating sites.

Wow! That was really interesting. And possibly it will give me some material not only for this but also for few upcoming articles. In this post I want to share my observations related to the way in which Chinese girls describe themselves in the appropriate section of their profiles.

First of all I registered my profile on one of the dating sites. Then I had to imitate the way in which male members search through women’s profiles. Since it’s impossible to embrace all preferences that men have, I decided to perform 6 separate searches – each for a different age group of Chinese females: 18-22 (generation of nineties), 23-28 (generation of eighties), 29-34 (infamous “sheng nu”), 35-40, 41-50 and 50+. For all of them I read only the profiles written in English of females who have a photograph, live in China and are unpaid members.

There are two tendencies to which I paid attention when proceeding from the profiles of younger girls to the older ones. First is quite understandable: there is a bigger proportion of paid memberships in the older group. Second is less obvious but also very natural: the older the ladies – the more descriptive and detailed their profiles are. So, let’s see what characterizes the profiles of each age group.

18 – 22 years old

It seems that Chinese girls in this age group participate in the competition of whose profile is shorter. It doesn’t need to be even one sentence length. In many cases it’s enough to describe yourself with “Hi” or just “hehe”. Those girls who don’t save on words often use an adjective “happy” beginning the self-description with “I am a happy girl”. Thus, I will tag this age group as a category of happy girls :-)

Another interesting thing is related to English language. One girl said “I am mahor in English in a university”. And another is pursuing “makor” in the same field. But even if some Chinese girls don’t know English – communication is still possible as you can learn from the following profile: “My English is bad as I think , but my Chinese is good”…

23 – 28 years old

These profiles are quite interesting and descriptive. Among the more often used adjectives are “nice”, “sincere”, “open-minded” and “traditional”. The latter two often go together in the same sentence: seems that for Chinese girls who know that their profiles will be read by Western men, this is the way to say that they are good girls.

Generally speaking, girls in this age group seem to be more serious. But though most of them check the option of “marriage” in the field of “seeking for”, they (differently from the older women) usually refrain from mentioning an intention to find a husband in the profiles themselves.

Although less than in the previous category – also here one can find descriptions with different mistakes caused by automatic translators. And though I can understand usage of such tools for online communication in case of language difficulties, it is hardly advisable as means to create profiles. Take, for example, a real profile consisting of three words only – “docile, banality, sincerity”…

29 – 34 years old

Obviously previous years haven’t been spent in vain. Most girls have learned to cook! At least mentioning the ability and sometimes even affection of cooking is a stunning difference between the profiles of this and previous groups. By the way, in the picture below you can see hot-pot which I cooked today for my own birthday :-) .

Yummy Hotpot Chongqing style (my elder cousin sent me spices by mail)

Another outstanding feature is that girls of this age group very often mention the fact that they don’t want games and ask players to stay away from them – possibly these women serve as the main target of men with dubious intentions. No wonder that the profile of one girl opens with the following words: “First talk about sex no way, cam sex noo way, one night stand nooooo way, PLZ GO AWAY”.

One very touching profile must be noticed by all men who fall victims to photo-shopped pictures :

First I want to say the photo I put on my profile is my most recent photos and they were taken this month. I viewed here and found a lot of very nice photos make by studio, I have to say that they are very beautiful, may be my photos are not as fancy as they do, but it show the real me, and hope you will like my picture too.

And the last lesson I learned. Do you actually know why some Chinese girls look for their Mr. Right? Here is the answer:

I want travel around the world , a happy family, a lovely kid and a lovely dog, of course, before that I have to find my Mr Right.

35 – 40 years old:

Starting from here I have no reasons to be sarcastic. Chinese ladies of this and older age seem to be… normal. I don’t know what the reason is. Maybe they are just more mature, or maybe there is indeed mentality difference between generations? Anyway, if I would have to choose one word to describe the women of this group – it would be “romantic”.

Actually, many of them mention this word when describing themselves. And somehow they succeed to create a nice (and warm) impression without using picturesque and advertisement-like words.

Also it is notable that the profiles of women of this age are less self-centered. On the other hand some are putting too much accent on the fact that they are single mothers by writing a lot about their children.

41 – 50 years old:

Keeping the general tendency profiles become longer. You can feel that they are written by women who know some things about life and would cherish a family with a man of their choice. “Down-to-earth” is the most often used adjective in their profiles.

I might be wrong but I got an impression that some of the profiles haven’t been written by the women themselves. I guess that it could be done by some translators or agency. Actually, there is nothing bad about it but – if this is true – you must be ready to face certain communication difficulties because of the language barrier. One of “suspicious” indicators for such profiles is the opening sentence similar to this: “XXX is my hometown. It is located in south-eastern China…”

50 years plus:

I am sorry in advance to put a wide range of ages into the last group. This is not because of my ageist attitude but because of much smaller number of profiles in this category.

Often these women have been single for quite a long time but when their children have grown up and left the parental home, they want to give another try to find their happiness and spend the life with a good man.

I have a son who grew up is proud. Therefore, I walked into my life’s autumn, in this time, I want a sincere love!

I found one profile which was rather awkward but reading it wasn’t funny at all. On the contrary, it made me sad. Woman described multiple achievements of her life (and frankly speaking they were quite impressive) in excessive style which would fit more a resume than profile on a dating site. Then she wrote that she is longing for love, and in the end – as if she felt that her description is lacking a real emotion, but being unable to change the lines above – she just concluded: “please contact me. Please…”

And here are two questions to the readers who have experience with Chinese dating sites. First – do you read girl’s profile before sending an interest/winking/starting a chat or do you click just after seeing a picture? Second – what kind of profiles make you want to get acquainted with a girl?

Having a profile on dating site (for research purposes only!), Crystal Tao

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Ziccawei

I have met ‘one or two’ of these dating website girls. A larger group of complete nutcases you would be hard pushed to find. I think the girls in their 30′s, for them, it’s just a last desperate shot at marriage. I met a girl who was 28 and in the first three minutes of meeting her she said ‘I just want to meet a nice guy and get married’. Clearly, that wasn’t directed towards me so I ran for the door.
As an aside, Crys, I have been assured that ‘shengnu’ can only be applied to a Chinese woman in her thirties, that is independent (ie, financially and has her own career) and well-educated. Any other single Chinese girl in her thirties is just bang out of luck.
ahkiwi

Speaking from limited experience (just like Crystal :razz: )

Q1. First – do you read girl’s profile before sending an interest/winking/starting a chat or do you click just after seeing a picture?

A1. Short answer = No
A2. Longer answer = Pictures do catch the eye and may attract my attention (as you would expect :grin: ), but I will always read their profile first. In fact pictures are a must, the more the better.

Q2. Second – what kind of profiles make you want to get acquainted with a girl?

A. Honest profiles. It does seem that nearly all Chinese women have the same likes, i.e. they “like to travel”, “like walking”, “like reading”, etc. There doesn’t seem to be much variation. I don’t know whether that’s because they haven’t had the opportunity or what.

Example: 36yo = I like reading ,dancing, swimming, movies,music. travel and nature
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  If even I didn’t want to read the girls’ profiles without pictures – then I can easily understand why men immediately filter them out.
  - ahkiwi
    
    Yup, for me it’s a couple of reasons
    1. I like to be able to put a face to the person
    2. Those without pictures tend to be from [insert random western country] now living in Ghana. Oh could we have some money?
  - http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB
    
    I definitely filtered out those without pictures, and even those with obviously professionally-taken photographs, especially if there was just one. I looked for multiple photographs, and trusted more those that looked more natural. My now fiancee had several pictures posted, and I could tell that all were taken from a camera attached to her computer.
    - Kevin
      
      Professional-looking photos aren’t always a sign of fraud – it’s relatively cheap to go to a photo studio in China and get made up, have a series of photos taken. I know at least two girls who have done this recently (not for dating websites, but I imagine that if you already have some really nice photos of yourself, you’d want to use them)
      - http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
        
        Yes, many Chinese girls have an album of their own studio photographs. Me too :oops:
        
        However, I personally wouldn’t put such pics into my profile on dating site – I’d be afraid to disappoint a guy later (when meeting in face).
        
        http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB
        
        Yes, the point isn’t that a professional photo indicates fraud, but it just might not be representative. That’s why multiple pictures taken with a regular camera should give a better overall impression of reality compared to one professional photo.
Jeff

I met my Chinese girlfriend on an international dating website, which I had joined to look for a local (Western) woman. I wasn’t looking for a Chinese girl. But she had looked at my profile, and her picture grabbed my attention. Even more so, her profile description, although translated for her into English, pierced straight into my heart with it’s plaintive honesty. At 33 years old and unmarried, I guess she was starting to feel a little desperate. Subsequently – for research purposes only! – I looked at a few other profiles of Chinese women in the same age group, and it seems to me there is a striking difference between the way Western women on my local dating site describe themselves and the way Chinese women do. The Western women typically say that their lives are quite happy and fulfilled, but they wouldn’t mind finding a partner to kind of ’round things off’. Frankly I doubt that they are being completely honest in this. But perhaps it is a cultural expectation. Chinese women by contrast seem quite direct and open about saying that they really want a husband and family. I find this a lot easier to deal with.

Photoshop has a lot to answer for. My girl in real life, while quite beautiful in my eyes, looks only somewhat like her profile photos, which had her face airbrushed into flawless whiteness. In one of her email messages to me before we met, she said she hoped she was “white enough” for me. After we met in person, the following exchange took place: her – “You are white, and I am yellow”; me – “I like your yellow skin”; her – [look that could kill]. I think I’d better not say that again. :oops:
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  “I like your yellow skin” :roll:
  If there would be only one tip I could give foreigners regarding Chinese girls – it would be refraining from such kind of compliments!
  - Nick
    
    I find this comment a bit amusing. Many times, when we’re flying around China (and she only does this on airplanes for some strange reason), Ivy will look at my hand (which is usually holding hers :-) ) and point to my hand and say “white” and then to hers and say “yellow”. I always will reply to this by telling her that I think her skin colour and her skin are beautiful. I occasionally (only jokingly) tease her about using makeup, telling her that she doesn’t need it. (She doesn’t!)
    
    I never bring up her skin colour, but I’ve told her that I think it is lovely just as it is. (And Crystal, you’ve seen a picture of her so you know. :-) )
    
    Yes, I am completely and hopelessly in love, and proud of it. :-)
CaseyOrourke

I met Ying on Asian Friendfinder. She was 35, I ws in my late 40′s. She said she initially joined to improve her English, finding a husband was the last thing on her mind. But there was something in my profile she liked. We taked through Yahoo and MSN chat for over a year before we actually met in China. Needless to say it was love at first sight for both of us and the rest was history.
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  You are not the first man who mentions that his Chinese girlfriend was looking online to improve her English language.
  
  It leads me to two conclusions:
  1) Many Chinese girls would stand a better chance to find their Mr. Right if instead of directly talking about it in their profiles, they would “look for a language partner”
  2) Men who are serious about finding a nice Chinese girlfriend should pay a special attention to girls who are looking for language partners ;-)
  - http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB
    
    I think you’ve hit the nail on the head Crystal: for me (and maybe for other western men), too much bluntness (“I’m looking for a husband!”) is a turn-off. Everyone knows why everyone else is really there, but it takes some pressure off to think the goal might not be marriage from the get-go.
  - http://asiancorrespondent.com Asia News Girl
    
    While I may be laughing right now… You guys need to know that I’m guilty of this one as well, but my husband was the one who was attracted to my english. hahaha.
  - Kevin
    
    That sort of thinking has already taken hold of various ‘language exchange’ sites – take a look at the language partner ads on thebeijinger.com (a magazine for foreigners living in Beijing) and see if you can find any that *aren’t* looking for love.
  - Teacher in China
    
    Crystal, in my 5 years here, I’ve realized that “language exchange” or “language partner” or “I want to practice my English” are usually code for “I want a foreign boyfriend” (or, from the other direction, “I want a Chinese girl”).
    - China Shark Mike
      
      Right on dude, let’s call for what they really are. It’s a good person’s come on male or female.
  - Nick
    
    I went to the language exchange site looking for… wait for it… someone to help me learn your language!
    
    Yes. I actually went to a language exchange site looking for a language exchange partner! I found several, including one who is, six years later, still my “little sister” and a dear friend. She’s about to get married. I’m nearly old enough to be her father.
    
    I also met Ivy there. I was, apparently, the only man who wrote to her. Being in her very late 30s at the time apparently put her off of the radar for most of the people there. But five years later, we are very, very close and I travel to China as often as I can to visit her while we work out the paperwork so we can be together permanently. I’m clearing off some debts so we can have a good life together.
    
    I honestly did not go to the language exchange site looking for love, but she found me anyway. :-)
    - http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB
      
      Liar, Liar, pants on fire! :smile:
      
      I also met my fiancee while trolling for friends with whom I could exchange communication in Chinese — but I have to admit I was certainly open to (if not hoping) to find more as well. My fiancee, being in her early 50s (but looking 35)was also probably “off the radar” for most Chinese.
      
      She does however remind me once in a while that there was this Canadian guy interested in her at the same time I was. I think it’s her trump card if I misbehave!
      
      Canadian! sheesh! How do I compete with that? :lol:
    - http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
      
      Haha… I agree with TLB.
      We don’t believe you, Nick. :razz:
      
      Maybe not consciously but you should have wanted more than just find a language exchange partner. There is nothing wrong with it ;-)
      - Nick
        
        :-P
        
        I honestly went there only for language exchange.
        
        However, I am very happy with the end result – the most beautiful woman in the world loves me, and I love her!
Ziccawei

How do Chinese girls meet guys other than online? It seems to me it’s pretty much their only option.
Rick Hill

I met my wife through Match.com 8 years ago. In her case she had a translator who took care of setting up the account and all the follow up work. This girl Jade, but a different name not Jade, had other clients too, one who I unwittingly wrote to before writing my soon to be wife. She wrote specifically for the client but there would be standard responses in the early letters.
I’d have to think too hard to remember the circumstances regarding your other questions though. I’m sure that this evolved over the years as translators and the women looking learned through experience.
There was actually a group of them who became friends and all married and came to live here. I must say though that my wife and one other are the only ones out of 7 couples who are still married and all were disenchanted with the lives they found in America.
- Ziccawei
  
  That’s what I have heard too. Divorce rate between mixed marriages in China are pretty high, in America much higher. I think often the Chinese woman has great trouble adapting to a foreign culture and being away from her family.
http://laowaiink.weebly.com Mark

I did an exercise in my English class where I had the students create a profile for themselves and since they were university students in the 18-21 yr range, their adjectives were not very creative or descriptive (easygoing, cute, humorous…). I think the “desperation factor” can inspire Chinese girls to create profiles with more attention and details, at least those who are seriously looking for a husband, because like another commenter said, it’s often a “last ditch effort.” Until then, it’s just for fun.
http://asiancorrespondent.com Asia News Girl

very interesting post Cristal. But it made me start thinking about my yellow or white dillema
- http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB
  
  Asia News Girl, you have no dilemma; you’re beautiful just as you are!
  - http://asiancorrepondent.com Asia News Girl
    
    Hahaha. Tell that to my crazy asian gene! I need to be white not yellow… Now getting brown coz of the NY summer.
Ziccawei

Apparently, there was a ‘dating site’ in China of sorts where rich Chinese guys could find an er nai. The site was closed down within two days. The reason for this was that the site owner didn’t have enough bandwidth and girls were submitting their pics and profiles at such a fast and huge rate that the site’s bandwidth couldn’t deal with it.
Maybe someone should start a site called ‘Language Exchange’ as these words seem to be a euphemism for ‘I want to get laid’.
I reckon that’s a million dollar idea right there.
Teacher in China

First off Crystal, I want to say Happy Birthday!! The hotpot looked delicious! I had Chongqing hotpot when I was there about 4 years ago – it was delicious, but I paid the price the next morning (I’ll spare you the details….)

I’ve been doing online dating since coming to China 5 years ago. It’s been enjoyable, and a pretty easy way to meet girls in China. I think your observations are perfect (although I’ve never browsed the 40+ categories, so I couldn’t say for sure for that part).

1) This is a hard question to answer. I’d say that usually I click on the profile only if I’m attracted to the picture. Yes, I’m shallow :) One thing is very important: I don’t like professionally done pictures. I’ll usually go back to the search and forget about her if I see that. To me, it shows a girl who is way to serious about putting her best possible foot forward. I’d prefer someone more relaxed who doesn’t care if she looks absolutely perfectly manicured and glowing white in her picture. Show me a pic of you in a bar with your friends, or on the sofa watching TV, or whatever: the more natural, the better. Besides, I find a lot of the professionally done pictures to be really cheesey and weird-looking. If she thinks that looks good, then I doubt we’ll get along very well ;-)
That being said, if the girl has something especially witty or interesting in her tagline, then I’ll click to check her out as well. However, no pic, no contact. If you’re too shy or whatever to put your face up there, then I’m not interested. It seems like low self confidence to me, which is not attractive.
If she has a cute or sexy pic, but her profile is complete garbage (like your one liners, or the “hehe” one) then I MOSTLY wouldn’t bother either. Unless, of course, she’s super hot ;-) (just being honest). 90% of the time though, I’m looking for someone that can at least explain some basic things about their lives and interests, just so I can see if we’re compatible.

2) What attracts me to a profile? Well, basically what I’ve said above. a) natural looking pictures, preferably in a range of contexts showing her different sides b) no cheesey, professional, weird looking pics c) someone who can just be themselves in their profile and explain who they are, what they like, etc. d) someone who has taken the time to click off the various “interests” and “first date” questions (these vary from site to site, but are a good way to get quick information on whether you can actually do things together that both of you will like)

There’s one other thing I should mention: excessive pickiness. I’ve come across some profiles that really do seem like a laundry list of everything she needs to be kept happy. That’s like a huge red flag waving saying “stay away! high maintenance!”

One last thing: let’s retire the word “playboy”, shall we? No one uses it anymore in the west, and it just sounds ridiculously old fashioned. Try “playa” or “dog” or something else instead.
- China Shark Mike
  
  Unfortunately playboy won’t be played out for at least another 5 yrs. Ironic because Chinese culture are usually getting hip to things 5 yrs after the fad in America. My brother explained to me that the living in south Carolina in the Marines the hicks were wearing platform shoes as late as the mid 80s. Hilarious since they went out of style in 79′.
Neil

One red flag I’ve unfortunately learned to recognize in profiles is the word “Shanghai”. I’ve heard too many stories of Shanghai ladies that are high maintenance, want to be pampered and spoiled. Even the few profiles that don’t have the laundry list of requirements cause me to skip to the next. It’s a shame as I’m sure there are many wonderful Shanghai ladies out there.
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  Haha, it seems that the search options on dating sites should include the checkbox “Exclude profiles of Shanghai girls” :lol:
Marty

Something that has not been mentioned is the unscrupulus dating site/translator. The unfortunate lady who becomes involved with one of these finds herself paying a large fee for the services and often a fee per letter. Of course the translators take advantage of this a try and spin out the letters by encouraging responses to earn more money. The lady may have no idea what is being written on her behalf. Even when they are aware of the same man communicating with several women translators are unlikely to tell anyone. Sometimes the victims of this scam borrow the money to pay the fee and the unsuspecting “husband” may be asked to pay a “bride price” but not due to the tradition. (Bride price tradition is another story). Or the translator may be described as a friend who will handle all the paperwork (for a fee). Failure to pay could cause problems with her family.
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  That’s a shame.
  I read many stories on forums about Chinese dating agencies charging big fees from both Western men and Chinese ladies for quite trivial services.
- China Shark Mike
  
  That is exactly what happened to me through Chnlove.com. My girlfriend described herself as athletic, non smoker, non drinker, non gambler, etc. After I moved here I found out 3 months later she was not even close to what the translator wrote to me. These translating services victimize everyone {males and females alike}. I ended up breaking up with her because her profile was fictious story to get married {32 at the time and I was 46}. Unfortunately for many foreigners this is thier only way of finding a suitable foreign man. Most men cannot afford to move over here or want to take the chance of living here. Recently a former fellow collegue from Beida Fuzhong is contemplating starting up an introduction service for Chinese women to finding foreign husbands since there are so many women she personally knows who are looking for a quality soulmate. In fact I’m going to have lunch with her to discuss this very thing. Problem with is that it is really hard to find out what agencies are just posting complete fake profiles to get monies through translation fees. I can emphathize with these people male and females in thier plight with finding the right person. I was actually thinking that for a fraction of the price the other pay sites my friend could do just of good of a job if not superior than these sleazy rip off agencies. Truth be told I’ll help her out but really have my own things to worry about {teaching and starting my own business}. The problem is validating true people from revenue earners. Hot smoking women would have no problem finding a husband in any city in China. There are a lot of rich Chinese here. Reality check guys, if you were the cat’s meow you wouldn’t be searching half across the world. I knew going into this I had low probability that it would succeed. Unfortunately many guys meet a woman and 2 weeks later decide to marry out of desperation hence mixed marraiges have a high failure rate. I just met my current girlfriend and decided if suitable and love one another will move in together and marry early 2011. I came to China to marry, although I did my share of playing along the way. Now it’s time to man up so I’m off the market for good. If you want a Chinese wife you need to really get to know her before on embarking on this life changing journey. I’ll be 48 this December and Peg’s 35 so I think this is much more acceptable than prior women I’ve dated here. {26-42}. Sometimes you have to wade through the muck to find that rare gem.
http://www.joecool.dk/blog Peter

I met my wife on chnlove.com. While I used a fair share of money on translation, and it was probably overpriced, It wasn’t so by Danish standards. I think I used about 180-200 USD pr. month on translation of daily letters. Not a fortune, but enough to make me think twice about the value of what I got in return. And I made the translators work for it with long letters every day. Trust me. :-)

I would recommend this site and likes, because it keeps the fees away from the lady, who many not have the means to pay. But also the translation fee helps to keep dishonest people away from the site (being forced to pay from letter nr. 2 and on). Those player types can wreck an entire site.

Regarding profiles, I totally agree on pictures being essential. No picture – no enquiries. It’s nothing different that what all people do daily when they meet on the street.

And agree with an earlier commenter, that fake Photoshopped pictures get thumbs down. My wife didn’t have a good picture but it was genuine.

Also she returned my mails daily, which witness about sincerity and real interest. A few others wrote me the first week on the site, but they were all very unstable in writing or wrote very little. So I cut connection. I know that can be due to little time, or lacking writing skills, but that’s just the way it went in the end.

And – yes – setting a list of demands on how to treat a potential partner is the biggest turn-off ever.

Still married, so it must be considered a success so far. :-)
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  Hi Peter. Thanks for sharing your story.
  
  I don’t know what was the picture of your wife on the dating site – but on your blog she looks very nice! :razz:
  - http://www.joecool.dk/blog Peter
    
    She is, thank you :-)
- ^_^
  
  Peter you had luck you found a real woman, too many people have had too much bad luck with chnlove, I am one of them, unfortunately I didn’t knew the following link here below at that time.
  And some women have paid a lot of money to the agency, the men are never allowed to know about it in general until the day the first date is set up together with the agency.
  http://www.dragonladies.org/
  - http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
    
    Thanks for the link. I guess it will give me some material for one of the future posts. I am adding the resource you gave to the list of recommended forums – so that people can get more information.
  - http://www.joecool.dk/blog Peter
    
    Never heard about that site, nor the scammers on Chnlove before now. In all fairness I used the site in 2004-2005, and things may have changed since then. Scammers always find a way to wreck everything.
    
    When I went to visit my wife first time, I even made a house call to the local agency/translator office in Shenzhen. Very nice people there. We used an interpreter from the agency too for the first 2-3 days together, and she was just great (actually this whole journey to visit my now wife is the first thing I write about on my blog ;-)). So really cant say anything bad about that part of Chnlove at that location or at that time. But if cheating folks is possible, there will always be someone who takes advantage of it.
    
    Tnx for the link mate :-)
  - chairmanmike
    
    Dragonladies.org is a good place to start to find out just how BOGUS most of these dating sites are. A friend of mine on the mainland worked as a ‘translator’ for one of them,until his conscience got the better of him.Read the story of ?Tex? who met,and subsequently married (briefly)a woman from Changsha.
    That woman is STILL on Chnlove.com!
    
    Wake up,guys! Do you really think you’re so irresistible?
    
    It’s spelled,’S-C-A-M’!
Mark

Well I have a story to tell everyone. I met a chinese woman about 3 months ago on Chinese love links. Her profile said she was looking for honesty and mutual repect more than anything and that she was serious about love. She is 47 years old. I was reading that people will post their profile on multiple sites even when they said you are the only one. After 3 months I decided to take a look to see if it could be true. Yes it was, she was on many different sites and the date was current. We were starting to make plans for the future. I guess you never really know. I really believed everything she was telling me.I’m glad I found out early before making a big mistake.
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  Hi Mark,
  
  I understand your feelings very well. But, please, don’t make any hurried conclusions.
  
  Chinese Love Links is exactly that site where I registered a profile in order to gather information for this article. On profiles it displays the date when people visited that site for the last time.
  
  Now let’s assume that the woman you are talking about has simultaneously registered on many different sites. This is not a crime yet, right?
  
  I don’t know how other sites work but the members of Chinese Love Links get e-mails every time when someone “winks” to them or sends them message and so on…
  
  It very well could be that the woman didn’t unsubscribe from the sites where she has registered before and continues to receive such mails – so out of curiosity she checks out what’s going on there: it doesn’t mean that she is chatting with someone or preparing another back-up variant.
  
  Yes, it could be like that. But why would you make conclusions without talking with her on first hand?
  
  If she walks in the street together with you and other men smile at her and she smiles at them back – you might or might not feel bad about it. Anyway you can talk to her and explain your feelings and say her exactly where in your opinion the red line is.
  
  Here is the same – talk to her and find out why she is still registered on other sites, and why she is still active there. But don’t blame her – just talk and listen what she has to say “in defense”.
  - http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB
    
    I agree with both of you on this; with Crystal that Mark shouldn’t jump to conclusions, and with Mark that this might be a red flag. It seems to most of us that these sites (I also used Chinese Love Links) are there obviously for people to meet someone they might be interested in, so it’s a valid question as to why she still has an active profile.
    
    I got lucky on this one; about the time I de-activated my profile (a couple of months into the relationship and when it seemed appropriate) she also (maybe a week later) de-activated hers.
    
    If it were me though, I would definitely broach the subject with her.
Mark

Thanks for the replies. Crystal, I would like to contact
you through your personal email-if you agree. to futher discuss my dilema. I only ask because it is very personal
and I care for her very much.
My email is mark_in_canada@yahoo.ca
Hope to hear from you.
Mark
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  Mark, I tried to contact you yesterday but the e-mail bounced back (with delivery failure message).
  I will try to send you e-mail again but if you don’t see anything from me in your mailbox – please contact me through the conact form in “About” page (scroll down to the end of the page).
Bob

For me, picture’s the most important aspect of a profile. Talk is cheap and easily faked. But it’s harder to fake a picture.

“nice”, “sincere”, “open-minded” and “traditional”.

Who would say that they’re not nice? What does “nice” even mean? Does it mean that you’ll play video games with me on my birthday? :lol:

I think everyone would say that they’re sincere or honest. No one would say that they like to lie (and that statement is a paradox).

I think “open-minded” and “traditional” are even more vague. That’s why I feel that words are meaningless. Pictures are the most reliable and it’s easy to see if it has been Photoshopped.
Mark

update: everything is going great for us. I’m glad that I found my love. She is a great woman!
So very thoughtful in every way. She does small things to let me know she loves me. We are chatting on QQ a lot. We have had some differences of opinion but we always work things out.
It was rough in the begining because I was not aware she was using a translation service for her emails and this confused me. Thanks to Crystal here for helping me along the way. If she did not clue me in to what was going on I may have ended the relationship already. If you really want to get to know your Chinese friend use The chat program QQ, it really helped us. I am looking forward to a bright future with my future wife!!!
- Ivy
  
  good luck for you and your love
http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

I am very happy to hear it, Mark!!!
I hope that one day in the future you can share the whole story on this blog – there is so much that other men could learn from your experience.
Wish you and your lady a lot of happiness.
China Shark Mike

I just want to reiterate I am not condemning Chnlove as a whole yet have found p508 agency to be completely fraudulent in every aspect of doing business with foreign clients. The new Qpid system that eventually took over the Chnlove umbrella stipulates that EMF credits would expire 180 after activated. I had credits from December 08′ and the deadline for using them stated September 10′ so I was sitting on 40 credits which I paid around $200 or more. I figuired what the hell I have no girlfriend at present I’ll give it a try. Out of like 25 letters maybe 3-4 could have possibly been real. I did an experiment to see how authentic the profiles were. The translators would give me fake email addresses {permanent failure/not real address}. Give me thier QQs or Skype address. My experience is that find someone to physically verify the person for you. If someone wants to cheat you they will. If you live 7,000 miles away what are you going to do about it, call the bunko squad in China or Hong Kong. Spend a few trips here prior to committing to marraige via internationally.
China Shark Mike

Recently my new girlfriend Peg informed me that about a year ago she was actually introduced to Chnlove. She stated once they found out she could speak fluent English that she was not desirable as a client because she would not need the vital translating skills that almost 95% of the women need. These agencies encourage women who cannot speak or read or write English because translation = revenue. She laughed at them when they requested a large sum of money just to maybe get the chance to meet a foreigner. She deals with westerners everyday and has dated seriously 3 foreigners in the past. Unfortunately when dealing with a different culture you deal with a different set of ethics or a lack of ethics. My one fellow collegue {spelling} actually wants to start up an introduction service to actually make people happy and not have to work the slave hours that is required of most Chinese teachers. It can be possible for East/West relationships to blossom yet people need to be more informed before taking huge leaps of faith only to realize it can’t work. Just from reading some of the forums I see people just marrying basing the relationship on a hot younger Chinese girl. It’s not practical, old guy + young girl = happiness. I myself have found out that it’s only possible if the same goals are recognized. Crystal is a shining example of how it’s possible yet there is work required in cross cultural relationship yet alone marraige. Marraige is for keeps not just a passing fancy. I’ve been here a little over 21 months and finally 95% am sure this is probably it for me. Living here I gleaned enough information about Chinese culture to actually make an informed educated decision. The only way to know someone is to spend time with them face to face. Get to know thier soul and not just lust for the younger women. If Chinese wanted this most would have not divorced thier husbands are have gotten married sooner.
3jay

It’s remarkable how different girls’ profiles on *Chinese-language* dating sites are to the ones that get posted on dating sites geared towards foreigners. For example, there are much less professional studio photos there (although some girls still post those too), and many profile descriptions are quite detailed and personal, even with the younger age groups (18-25). Of course, some girls are just as sloppy about writing a good description as on the English-language sites, but many many others put in a lot of care in crafting an interesting profile. You know what, even the much-reviled Shanghai gals are made to stand in a much more favourable light on these sites. I would that’s probably because these girls are, well, catering for their ‘own’ people and as such don’t need to resort to Western-style shticks. I find these authentic profiles much more endearing and interesting than all those (quite frankly) phoney-looking “professional” profiles… Just my 2c.
Rob

Has anyone used Cherry Blossoms? I found my girlfriend on there and everything is going very well. She actually canceled her account and we write exclusively by email. I have yet to cancel mine because they offer a spousal and fiancé visa service. Does anyone have any experience in that area. I am in the USA. I have read several articles and everyone had a different opinion as to how long it takes and which one is better to apply to.
- http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal
  
  Try out the China Love forum. They have a lot of information which you can find helpful.
- http://wanderingamericantravelblog.wordpress.com/ WanderingAmerican
  
  How fast are you going to marry her? Could always just cancel the account and save 25 bucks a month then just rejoin if you decide to tie the knot.
Ivy

most chinese women at 30s are serious about marriage.many women are under lots of pressure from family ,the society and ppl around them,maybe that is one reason for them to be on these dating sites.and women at 30s are old in chinese ppls eyes i mean in traditional view.men prefer young girls ,so women over 30,even over 28 are called shengnv
means the girls left
the girls who cant get married
even i am one of them
so maybe women think they cantry their luck on these dating sites.
GentleGiant

I used chineselovelinks.com and cannot be happier with the service. I also agree and cnnlove; they used to be a good company but have turned to the dark side in the last 5 years.

A lot of women have a studio photo done, so they look their best, but not all of the look closely at the photos, my first Chinese girlfriend did not realise her photo had been “shopped” until I pointed out the mole was missing from her neck.

A studio photo is not a deal breaker, as long as there are plenty of “everyday photos”, either as part of the profile, or sent to you after you start talking to a woman.
Having said that, if only studio photos are offered, walk away. A friend of mine found out to his cost back in October.
Have a look at the photoshopped woman he was writing to http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/2926/afterwg.jpg
And what was waiting at the airport for him http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/9596/beforera.jpg
http://asiandating.com Roger

Photoshopping, well now I know why my partner is a lot darker than her first piccie,
and I got the no camera story, however, everything that I have been told is the exact truth after our first meeting.
yes being an aussie, and reading of dating scams, we both cancelled our profiles and continued by email, which in hindsite was a good idea.
Very happy with my choice after meeting twice and now in the process of having her come to OZ for a stay, early days, 10 months now we have been conversing and all going good.
Ah dating sites, I think buyer beware, did not know the women get charged, anyway a few items have been discussed here which has been a great help, and felt compelled to join in, cheers
roadrunner

I am new in the WWW dating world and may be I am quite naive, but what are the “games” almost 50% of the Chinese women on the net are referring to？
One specific Chinese problem is the general lack of trust in the society, so many women are extremely afraid of being cheated.
For me it is a real turn-off if a woman uses 80% of the space in her ad to say what kind of man she does NOT want.

If a woman is seriously looking for a partner, I expect her to take some time to prepare a nice profile.
Fotos showing 5 people letting you guess who is who, nice landscapes with a little dot which is probably the person who placed the ad, or 80% of all standard questions in a profile show “i will tell you later”, can’t imagine that this is the type of person I want to spend the rest of my live with.
John

If you think Chinese dating sites are bad, try Philippines (suh as Pinay Darlings. Actually a lot of the questions are multiple choice tick-the-box answers, so pay no attention to those. The photos are of course the first port of call. Unlike in China where most girls have their own album of unbelievable portraits created by a studio which photoshopped out every blemish, changed the skin colour, sellotaped up the eyelids, etc., on this site most girls seem to have photos from their phones. If they have photos at all. What is the point of a dating site where you don’t show what you are offering?
Very few of them actually admit to having children, even though their photo may show them with a child; some of the photos, particularly of the older women, may even include a date print showing them to be five or more years out of date. The self-descriptions, where they have bothered to write anything, are mostly trivial and uninteresting.
And of course, being the Philippines, it’s sometimes obvious but not always so that what is on offer is a ladyboy! Maybe the site needs a greater range of gender than just two.

Take care too with any paypal transaction – maybe it’s common practice, but what is touted as a single transaction may become a regular repeater (easily cancelled though).
paul k

i found my wife on a dating site over time i learned what happens on a lot of these sites !!!

i my wifes case she was so lucky to even find me or anyone for that matter !!!

she had gone to one of the many marriage agencies in china !!! this one was in her city and they took at least thousands of yuan from her and i am sure others then went broke and closed up shop!!!

it was lucky from the start that i had given her my home e-mail on one of the internet dating sites where i found her photo and profile !!!!

just was ment to be i guess !!! this agency had sold her profile and photos to the internet site i am guessing because my wife is 46 and was a little nieve about all of this and so was i but not now!!

she had no idea that her photo was plastered all over the world !!! she thought the agency was the one doing all the advertising and running the show !!!!

on my end i thought the internet dating site ran the show but now we know that was and probably more than we care to admit is not the case !!!

i did not spend a dime but my wife got took big time but she went there after paying her money and the business was gone along with her money !!!! so sad only wanting a good man and to be happy and married !!!

as for marriage most women of this age like my wife are not going to be just flirts they know it is almost impossible to find a chinese man who wants them after being once married and have children especially a girl !!!!

as for myself i wouldn’t expect at my age 52 years old any less from a woman of this age !!!!

the most worries my wife had was if i was going to accept our 22 year old daughter !!! to her the three of us as a happy family is the most important thing of all !!!

after being with my daughter for 2 months in china i would not trade her for all the male children in china !!!
she is the most magnificent young woman i have ever known!!!!
she is not lazy or flirty and i have a hard time remembering she is only 22 to me she seems more like a canadian 30 year old !!! she had a bachlors degree and will get her masters here as soon as her and her mother get there visas!!!!

all my wifes photos even the sexy ones were done in a studio as requested by the marriage agency !!! more rip off i am sure !!! not to mention that one day we may see her photos on some porn site who knows with these scam agencies !!!!

i was smart though after finding one woman who was a lier on the same web site !!!!
i asked my wife for photos taken recently just with her own camera also of her daughter and family !!

i also asked her many personal questions and eventually her phone number !!!!

i would from time to time ask her a few questions i had asked in the past just to see if i would get the same answers as before !!!!

i may have been born at night but not last night i was very untrusting after the woman who lied before i started corresponding with my now wife!!!

i also took two years before i went to china to marry her !!!i made sure that she wanted me for me and that she was what she said she was !!!!

i also was realistic and could not see myself trying to date a 22 year old woman that has on her profile age of man wanted 25-60 years old !! hehehe like that would ever be a long term relationship women !!! i think this is funny that older men like myself would even dream that a young woman would want me for anything more than a sugar daddy or a visa !!! hehehe

so this is my story and opinion from what i have seen and learned first hand . i hope it helps someone !!!!
GentleGiant

One of the first girls I met in China had paid THIRTY THOUSAND YUAN* to the agency; they did everything for her, even answered my emails for her and then sent her a translation of what was being said.
Needless to say the person I met bore no relation to the person I had been “talking” to.

*I know this wasnt a lie, the new wife of a friend paid a similar amount to the agency she used.

I STRONGLY advice anyone who is contemplating using a dating website anywhere in the world to use a video chat program to make sure they really are talking to the real person.
Most Chinese have a QQ account, so get QQ Intl 1.1; then when you find a few good prospects, get them to install Skype. (QQ video is flaky and the audio is frankly CRAP!!).
A few hours video will give you more information about the girl than a thousand mails.

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