Dinner Date – who pays?
The following post was sent to us by a lovely Chinese girl who lives in Shanghai. She is in her late 20s, enjoys a successful career with an international brand company, has traveled the world and is perhaps typical of the “modern Chinese girl” :
I often talk about relationship dilemmas with colleagues and my girlfriends. Most of the girls I know in China think that the boyfriend should pay everything related to dating, like dinner, drink, taxi. I think its because in Chinese culture, men have always paid for girls. In my hometown and in Shanghai, men don’t want women to pay, even when I want to pay. So Chinese girls behave like man should pay everything. I have a girlfriend who just can’t accept that her American boyfriend always only pay for himself. We call it “AA” in China, and she is very angry about that.
For me, I also don’t like AA. But, I really don’t think man should pay all the time. If a man pays for my dinner, I would appreciate that, i would think he is nice and gentle, but I definitely don’t think its a must and I don’t consider it part of the male responsibilities. But it’s not that easy to do.
When we order the bill, girls generally wouldn’t take out their wallets. They would just sit and wait there. But for me, I would feel ashamed if i just waited there for the guy to pay, it would make me feel uncomfortable. I can pay this time, and the men can pay next time, or the opposite. It’s reasonable.
My friend was very shocked yesterday when she heard me talk about this . She thinks that I am too independent and that I’m not like a Chinese girl. Yes, maybe, sometimes I behave in a very independent way, and I know that Chinese traditional men don’t like this kind of girl. It’s true. When i behave this way, they might admire me, but they would probably decide to stay away from me.
She would love to hear your opinions on her dilemma and thoughts.