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Don’t Make These Mistakes With Chinese Girls

Chinese girls can be dangerous

Imagine that you are a foreigner living in China and want to befriend a beautiful Chinese girl. In the previous article I was talking about the kinds of behavior that would help you to leave a good impression on Chinese girl. However, one should keep in mind that first impression is a very important step in your bet to win girl’s heart. Being Chinese girl myself I want to warn you against some mistakes you should not commit.

First of all, don’t be in a hurry. As the old Chinese saying puts: “If you’re in a hurry, you cannot eat hot tofu”. Same rule applies to Chinese girls – especially hot ones :-). In most cases the quick pick-up methods will not work.

Don’t stare at a girl whom you don’t know. If you do so, it is not uncommon to hear in response something like “Is there some problem with your neck?” or “What are you looking at? Have never seen beautiful girls in your life?”

Don’t approach a girl in the street and ask for phone number as your second sentence after saying “Hi, …” Even if you are handsome as Brad Pitt – your playboy’s behavior will not earn you points and the girl will possibly refuse by saying “Sorry, I don’t know you. Why should I give you my number?” or simply smile and quickly walk away.

Don’t show off your limited mandarin by calling a girl “xiao jie”. Although the formal meaning of “xiao jie” is “miss”. If you call her like that you risk to be treated in most unfriendly way since in today’s slang it has derogatory meaning referring to prostitute.

Don’t misunderstand when Chinese girl says that she is open-minded. The chances are that you are thinking about different things. What girl means is that she is easy to get along with and has extroverted temper.

Be cautious when talking about your romantic past. And save the spicy stories about one night stands for your male friends. Most of Chinese girls have very traditional ideas about it…

Don’t put yourself into trouble by arguing about Chinese politics. You might unintentionally touch some sensitive topics which will make the girl feel bad. After all – you don’t want these issues to ruin your relationship.

Don’t buy expensive gifts before she is your girlfriend. It will only pressure a girl and put her in uncomfortable situation thinking that she owes you something.

On the other hand, do not go Dutch! In fact sharing restaurant expenses would be strange even between Chinese friends as both of them would be eager to pay for another. And naturally – when you date a Chinese girl – you should not wait for her to pay her own expenses.

Never cheat !!! Chinese girls are sincere and frank and HATE to be cheated. If they catch you on cheating – you will never have a way back!

Keeping these simple rules in mind will save you from many troubles. I wish you happy dating.

Your sincere friend and advisor, Crystal Tao

  • Clim

    Hi Crystal :>

    There’s some points in your post are the same for the europeen girls :p

    but one of them make me sad :(

    “Don’t stare at a girl whom you don’t know.”

    There’s a lot of people (boys and girls) that stare at us and we stare at them too, when a girl stare at me, I stare her too, and we laugh together, I’m not sure she don’t like it :p

    Tell me if I’m wrong :)

  • Crystal

    Hi, Clim.

    Eye contact is a kind of communication. Staring is an “aggressive” contact, and as such often will result in a negative reaction.
    However, as a foreigner living in China, you have a big advantage being yourself a target of curious glances.
    Thus, often you will not have to stare yourself, but just look back at the girls who stare at you :-) and smile…

  • nathalie

    yes, these laws are valid for western girls!

  • Jocelyn

    This is great post, Crystal, and a lot of the suggestions are, in fact, very similar to what I might suggest if Western women would be interested in dating Chinese men (such as not sharing dating history, taking things slower).

    I wish more Western men would read this — what you share might surprise those people clouded by “yellow fever.”

  • Booger face

    Crystal… Your advice is lame. It is obvious and offers no real ‘information’. I commend you on trying to run a blog but make it interesting otherwise the only people that will read this are lame ‘Oprah fans’.

    I have been in China for a long time and I can assure you that there are many crazy, horny women that are ‘traditional’. They try to convince me that they are pure and innocent and that I am their uncle or big brother and within 30 minutes we are in bed having sex (or incestuous relations).

    Why would anyone who respects a woman buy her expensive gifts? At anytime during a relationship it would denote some sort of expectations or ‘debt’. Token gifts for sure but why buy a woman with expense? Most foreigners won’t spend that much on a starfish.

    You should title this topic “Don’t make these mistakes with ME”. You don’t speak for everyone.

  • Crystal

    Dear “Booger face”,
    First of all I want to thank you for your comments.
    Indeed, I would like my blog to become popular, but not at any price.
    I will not write about things which I don’t believe in.
    By saying that I don’t mean that you are lying telling about your experience in China. Someone who enjoys collecting sexual conquests and bedding local girls can do it in ANY country (including China).
    But these are not kind of stories you will find in my blog; if you are interested in them I can recommend you to read Chinabounder’s “Sex and Shanghai”.
    And I will be quite satisfied with the readership which you tagged as ‘Oprah fans’.

  • Booger face

    Thanks for your balanced response to my criticism. I agree that ‘bedding women’ is possible in any country as most countries have women.

    My point was not to indulge my existent, or non existent, sexual prowess rather than to make a point that I have had encounters with Chinese women that I can only classify as conservatively hypocritical during the many years I have lived in China.

    What makes this point worth stating is that most ‘western’ women are under no illusions that they must be ‘pure’ and ‘innocent’ because experimentation is a natural part of growing up and society does not enforce these unnatural expectations on women in ‘the west’. You should know this as you seem to either have studied overseas or been heavily exposed to outside influence.

    I have also found in my time here that many women have unrealistic expectations of men and themselves. Money can’t buy love, so why do so many women expect to be supported whilst they make and spend their own money on themselves? Quite a selfish outlook to life don’t you think? A couple needs to build their own life together, starting from nothing and achieving goals as a couple. With a ‘provider’ and ‘providee’ relationship, there is never equality and always unrealistic expectations/debt. Who wants to have worth in only someone else’s offerings?

    You mention in one of your other topics that men should buy expensive gifts for their girlfriends and then in another topic you say that love is more important than money. So which is it? You will still love a and marry a poor man that does not buy you any gifts at all?

    Most foreign men want love and equality; not a ‘pure’ and ‘innocent’ moron that is socially confused and psychologically incompetent. There are great women in China and I am married to one but the majority are presenting an unrealistic facade and are not worth the time of day.

    You seem to be a decent enough person and it would be good to see you present ‘real’ issues on your blog. However, it is your forum and your choice of who you want to reach out to. Also, I understand that you and your fellow countrymen are muted in your opinions which is unfortunate. I guess this is why your topics are quite sterile and uninformative.

    Nevertheless, I wish you the best.

    • MerryBathCelestial

      Wow, pretty intense stuff. Yeah, there are alot of DON’Ts, but i’ve never lived in China to be acquainted with a Chinese girl. Pay everythng? Hell yeah, they expected me to pay. When I leave 20% gratuity, the Chinese girl would say, “Hey, you giving too much!” When she says that, I’d drop 50% tip instead. It’s only that unique situation in ala carte, I REALLY love to pay MORE ’cause I know she doesn’t tip the wait staff when she’d dine with her Chinese friends. At least when I go there (even with HER), they won’t spit in my food. ‘DO’ grab the food/beverage bill from your Chinese girlfriend/fiance/wife and ALWAYS tip well. Oh, DO NOT hit nor abuse your Chinese girl.

    • Mike M

      To Boogerface,

      I think crystal talking about “how to get educated/ high standard chinese women”

  • Crystal

    Booger face,

    It was interesting to know your opinion about the majority of Chinese girls. I cannot argue on that – since it is impossible to argue with OPINION.

    However, I feel obliged to comment on you “quoting” my following statement: “You mention in one of your other topics that men should buy expensive gifts for their girlfriends…”

    After reading it I began feverishly looking for such a sentence in my blog but could not find. Only later I understood that you referred to my tip: “Don’t buy expensive gifts before she is your girlfriend”.

    Unfortunately, I am in unpleasant position where I have a choice between ignoring your comment or seem hypocritical for caring too much about little details – but still in the name of truth I have to draw your attention that the tip I gave is not a predicate for the conclusion you made.

    Anyway, I am happy that among Chinese women you were lucky to find a decent enough wife.

  • Jason

    Crystal is right when she says that most girls in mainland China do expect you to pay for everything. Going dutch is more suitable with ABCs and CBCs which is why I tend to date the latter ones here in Canada.

  • Robert Vance

    Note to Buger Face – (I have no doubt that the name fits you perfectly)

    Just because you were attracted to the loose, horny girls who turned you on because they called you their brother doesn’t mean that the majority of Chinese girls are like that.

    In fact, they aren’t.

    Many of us are living in smaller cities and towns where traditional values are still highly esteemed. I wonder if you’ve even ventured outside of a major city to see what the rest of the country is like. If you had, you would understand that the advice presented here is spot on.

    I’m not sure where you get the sense that the information presented here is lame, either. Why do you insist that she tells everyone that she is only speaking for herself? Haven’t you ever read a blog before?

    I think that this blog is very interesting and informative and it is the first of its kind that I have found in English. Especially one that is written by a Chinese lady.

    A couple of years ago, I wrote one of the most widely read articles on this topic. Just go to Google and type in ‘Dating and Sex’ and you will see my article listed a few times on the first page.

    It starts out like this, “Two American men were deported for sleeping with too many girls,” a foreign friend reported to me sometime ago…”

    I received many of the same criticisms from foreigners like you whose only experience with the subject came from sleeping with girls who approached them at bars in the big cities.

    Wake up and smell the roses. This article applies to the vast majority of girls in China.

    • anon

      @ Vance – no doubt true, but your virginal country girls are just as likely to jump into bed with the right foreigner after protesting their virtue if they enjoyed the urban anonymity, financial independence, lack of parental/community supervision and temptation on offer to big city girls. Female sexuality means that women are actually quite slutty but not for 90% of the male population and not for most of the month. However, right when very fertile young women are ovulating, they tend to be attracted to more aggressive, testosterone-filled men. If you are a handsome foreigner in China you benefit from that. If you are not handsome you will have to work hard like a Chinese guy. Your superior wealth, higher social status will be counter balanced by the fact that you are a hairy, smelly big-nose. Chinese women are no more slutty than women any where else in the world. However, the stakes are of ending up alone are higher for a Chinese girl so they protect their apparent virtue to be more attractive to men. The only point of dating a sexually less desirable foreigner is because of his wealth and such a guy needs to be reeled in slowly by traditional female skills such as pretending to be chaste, being coy, using push/pull etc. However, to a certain degree, Chinese people are able to separate love and sex much more than Westerners (somewhat similar to Japanese though not to the same degree). If you are a very good looking Westerner in China you can basically fuck till your dick falls off. Many white guys in China don’t understand that because they are not that handsome and are successful with Chinese girls based on being relatively masculine and relatively wealthy. If you are a hot white guy, you can fuck a different girl every week you just have to be able to get the really beautiful girls (8s’s9’s and the subjective 10’s) who won’t go pyscho if you don’t want to go steady because they have 3/4 suitors constantly chasing them anyway.

  • Jocelyn

    I completely agree with Robert Vance — the idea that the majority of Chinese women are “hot for sex” is a lie, as this well-written and researched article on Middle Kingdom Life shows.

    Note the following words on the article, in bold:

    For most “good” Chinese girls, an offer of sex is almost always a gesture of good faith in contemplation of marriage.

  • smooshing boogers on booger face

    BOOGER Face, hahaha. i bet you “bed” a lot of chinese women
    with your u.s. dollar or british pounds exchange rate huh? i bet your bedding it with $ in dong guan.
    dont make assumptions on your daily activities to be the equivalent of a country that has numerous times the population of where ever you came from. crystal blog is relating to the majority of chinese girls such as a ricefield,what your talking about is a piece of rice pellet you small timer… not the club hoe that you “bed” on a side note, those bedding girls you encounter may have an agenda of their own, perhaps have a dumb ass booger face like you possibly fall in love with them, marry them, be able to get citizenship in your respective country, make some money, and leave your weakass high and dry

  • DUB-A

    "i bet you “bed” a lot of chinese women
    with your u.s. dollar or british pounds exchange rate"

    Everyone is asking China to lower it.
    So to use it as an argument like this is CHUTZPAH

  • Lee

    “I have also found in my time here that many women have unrealistic expectations of men and themselves. Money can’t buy love, so why do so many women expect to be supported whilst they make and spend their own money on themselves? Quite a selfish outlook to life don’t you think? A couple needs to build their own life together, starting from nothing and achieving goals as a couple. With a ‘provider’ and ‘providee’ relationship, there is never equality and always unrealistic expectations/debt. Who wants to have worth in only someone else’s offerings?”

    This statement reflects my marriage and the issues with it. I’m one of those American men who just found out after 3 years of being married to a Chinese woman that all I am is a Sugar Daddy. I wanted a wife to share life together and build a future with, but I was fooled. All my family and friends warned me, and I didn’t listen. If I knew that I’m just a dude to pay ALL the bills, and never see any help when things get tough, I would have never gone through this.

    • SamReeves

      It’s a common experience Lee. A Chinese female is ‘allowed’ in her culture to marry for financial benefit as well as other reasons without being looked down upon in Chinese culture.

      It’s a difference in thinking that has caused untold marital difficulties between westerners and Chinese.

      You’re not the first and you’ll not be the last either. I know that is small comfort, but the only thing I will say to you is ‘Don’t blame yourself’; you couldn’t have know. Most Chinese women will ‘act’ as if they are in love, as opposed to actually being so. People only learn to notice it after they’ve been through it themselves.

      Wish you better luck in the future Lee.

    • Mr. Big

      This statement holds much virtue. I have dated many Chinese women who have just arrived to the U.S. the first one said to me that the women in China would love me due to my large penis. I took this statement as a sign that their are sex crazed girls that are unsatisfied in China. She was a horny nymph and couldn’t get enough. No complaints by me. The problem was her excessive lying and deceit. The second girl was younger (25). Sweet and sexy with an innocence more than the other. She too remarked on my privates, examining it like a curious wide eyed horn dog. My conclusion is, Chinese girls are no different than any women and have the same needs and desires. The main issue I have with them is that they lie and are quite vague when discussing themselves. A character flaw that I am weary of.

      • soccerman

        Mr. Big.
        I too have experienced the deceit and lies…she also tries to justify it..this is why I’m reading all the comments here. Trying to get my head around why. After 8 mo. We are still having a great time in the bedroom though.

  • Jocelyn

    Dear Lee,

    It’s terrible that your marriage to a Chinese woman ended up unhappily. I’m sorry you had that experience.

    Still, your statement suggests that all Chinese women fit the “gold digger” stereotype, and that’s simply not true, as Crystal would attest to.

    I will say that when you marry a Chinese — man or woman — or bring them over to the US, they will be disadvantaged in terms of employment compared to you. If the person’s English skills are marginal, then their employment options are few (and it would be folly to even imagine that they could meaningfully contribute to the household). Even if they are interested in working, they will need to rely on their spouse for some time.

  • Crystal

    Dear Lee,

    I agree with what Jocelyn already wrote and wish that you can leave this bad experience behind you and find your happiness.

  • Chris

    Hi Crystal, great blog :grin: Thanks for adding me on Twitter. As a laowai with a Chinese girlfriend I think a lot of these tips are perfect, some of them apply for every girl in the world too!

    Very interesting blog, I’ll keep reading.

  • J

    I’d just like to make a comment about “paying” and “going Dutch.”

    I’ve spent a fair amount of time in China, and I’ll just say this…. yeah i think most people have a certain “protocol” they believe they should follow in relation to paying-the-bill and such. BUT, I’d just like to make an additional point…

    when people pay for someone else, sometimes it is a kind gesture no doubt! but also, paying for someone also means putting someone in debt. in america, not everybody always “goes dutch” in every situation, in fact, the subject of how to pay for things is a common topic among girls talking to their friends about an upcoming date….

    Although I noticed it’s common for Chinese to quarrel with each other about paying for a bill, it also gets a bit silly at times and even Chinese people admit this. A lot of this relates to FACE, not because of true friendship. People want to APPEAR humble and willing, but this may not be their true feeling. But if we go back to guys and girls in a dating situation, i don’t know if the advise “never go dutch” is always good. Let me explain myself…

    How would you treat your friend, regardless of the country or ethnicity? do you treat them like equals? What is the genuine feeling you have, and how do you express this? This is the most important thing, not merely to follow a set of rules. I think this is an interesting sociological phenomenon… everybody likes to talk about the rules of dating and love yet everybody still mis-communicates and gets things wrong everyday. The reason is that there is no single set of rules that can be applied like a mathematical equation.

    I have a fair number of female friends in china, and from the beginning i always just treat them as a friend, as an equal. when i would visit a new place, i would remember to send my friends a postcard, maybe bring them a souvenier. when i went back to america and then returned to china, usually i brought something unique, even if it is just something small. these things are just to demonstrate that i value the friendship, but i don’t expect to be “repaid” (although it seems common for chinese people to feel they must repay you quickly for anything you’ve done),
    i became very attached to one girl and basically we are still together. From the beginning, i never paid for everything. One time, I would pay for everything, another time she paid for everything! Another time, we split the cost! Why? Because from the beginning I did not look at her as a girl i needed to get. I wasn’t hunting for some girlfriend, and therefore I didn’t feel it necessary to impress everybody. Love finds its own way, in my opinion. Many people are pretending to be someone different because they want a BF or GF, but their true self cannot remain hidden forever!

    I told my girlfriend from an early time that she has self-worth and i want to support her in her life. I don’t see her like a GF, but as someone i value and i will support. What are her goals and dreams? I will also try to support her in these areas. I don’t want to be “the big man” who proves his manhood by paying your bills. I hope we will have a good life together, if we live together I can clean the bathroom sometimes too. It’s not a question about “the man should pay”, it’s about establishing a balance based on respect, and developing yourself and your partner. there is a difference between helping someone and propping-up their life. if we cannot be friends, we really have no foundation to be romantic partners…. we’ll just have some hot steamy moments for a few weeks or months, then it’ll get old and we’ll have very little. well we’ve been together a year now, and we love each other very much. so in summary, i think it’s most important to be genuine from the start…. maybe different people have different habits but don’t be concerned about FACE so much, and what is the rule to follow. look at your friends and your GF/BF as people with a purpose to achieve. how can we fulfill each others purpose in life? we are partners and teammates, not merely ranks and rules. i think this applies to all humans, and your life will be much more fulfilling in this way (sorry that was long!)

  • Crystal

    Hi J,

    Everyone knows that “face” things in China are part of unwritten rules for many aspects: business, friends, romance, family etc.

    The longterm partners can deviate from some of these rules and create their own. But in majority of cases – especially at the initial stage of relationships – it’s safer to follow the standards.

    Your example just proves that every rule has exceptions.

  • Jocelyn

    Hi J,

    I’d like to add to Crystal’s comment.

    I agree face does enter into a lot of why people might pay for others in China. And, sure, there is often an expectation that, in doing so, they might be able to call on you for favors down the road (like guanxi)

    Still…when it is between close friends or lovers, I don’t think face or “unpaid debts” are as much as an issue. Sure, there will always be people who are making friends w/ you for the expectation of something in return. But if the person is sincere and really, honestly, cares for you — whether as a friend or lover — they might pay as a way to demonstrate goodwill or simply cement the friendship.

    Moreover, between close friends or lovers, it is impossible to discern “unpaid debts” b/c both parties take great pleasure in supporting each other (or demonstrating support through, say, paying a dinner).

  • TLB

    “Moreover, between close friends or lovers, it is impossible to discern “unpaid debts” b/c both parties take great pleasure in supporting each other (or demonstrating support through, say, paying a dinner).”

    Thanks for this comment Jocelyn, it helps me understand why my girlfriend (now fiancee) insisted on paying for dinner whenever we went out during our first time together (two weeks traveling in summer 2009). I paid for the “big” stuff (hotels, train/plane tickets) but she insisted on paying for the meals. I appreciated that she didn’t expect me (the so-called “rich laowai”) to pay for everything, but I also felt some pangs of sadness because she lives on a small government pension (we’re both, um, well, let’s just say “older” :lol: ) and she has to live very frugally to make ends meet.

    Thinking of her insistence as a way of showing support for me — and for the relationship — is a nice way of looking at it.

  • TLB

    I have a couple of experiences here to offer, vis-a-vis inter-cultural misunderstandings in the progress and process of a relationship. I think they support what has been said here already. (sorry if this is too long) ;-)

    When I first used a term of endearment to my Chinese girlfriend (I’m American) in an email, it was an expression of a growing fondness — even love — that I wanted to acknowledge. She responded by directly asking whether I “really meant” that term (I had said the equivalent of “my dearest” or “my darling”), or whether I had not meant it. This is a good example of the Chinese view of the use of such terms as “cementing” the relationship and of being an expression that one person has “chosen” the other as future spouse.

    To be honest, I had not “chosen” her to be my spouse at that time, although I felt my heart heading in that direction. I’m afraid my telling her that I indeed did mean those words misled her into thinking I was further in the development of love than I was at that time (I didn’t know exactly how she was taking it).

    On the other hand, when we finally met, we had (in my mind) indeed already cemented a close and intimate relationship that just needed the final touch of meeting in person to see whether that “spark” that was there in emails, phone calls, chats, skypes, etc. would be there “in person.” It was indeed there for both of us, so I naturally thought that a physically intimate expression would follow right away. WRONG! Although very easily expressive of her attraction and our growing love, she resisted this step, saying she did not want to “make a mistake.” I was confused by that, but I believe “no” means “no” so I dropped the idea. (BTW, this is no teenager we’re talking about — she’s 53)

    So here we have two situations in which there was misunderstanding, one on her part about the status of the relationship as expressed by me in an email, and one on my part about that same status and how it would be expressed when physically together.

    All’s well that ends well though. We will be registering our marriage in China this summer… :grin:

  • Jocelyn

    Hi TLB,

    Thanks for sharing your experiences.

    I could understand your girlfriend’s asking you if you really meant the “love” you wrote about. In China, love isn’t expressed through words, but usually through actions. I think it was a while (a few months) before my Chinese husband (then boyfriend) felt comfortable using “I love you” with me, because he grew up in a family where the phrase was never spoken. This is true for most Chinese families — love is expressed through actions, through what you do for someone (i.e. cooking huge meals, gifts, etc). You might find this article I wrote — about indirect love — helpful to understand this.

    I think, too, she, like many Chinese, only wants to use “love” in a serious (i.e. definitely headed towards marriage) relationship. She may have felt (through foreign movies or television) that foreigners use this word when, from her perspective, it isn’t yet warranted.

    Also, in terms of “getting physical,” physical expressions of love — especially sex — pretty much cement the relationship in the Chinese mind as moving towards marriage. Note the following quote from this guide to dating and sex in China from Middle Kingdom Life:

    For most “good” Chinese girls, an offer of sex is almost always a gesture of good faith in contemplation of marriage.

    • anon

      it was so for Western women in the 1800’s also. So much so that in the United States, one of the first laws that the original Feminist movement had implemented was a law allowing women to sue men for taking a woman’s virginity but not marrying her (obviously a bigger problem before proper birth control). It is still so for Hunan girls working on Shenzhen, Shanghai and Beijing but the for the young local Shenzhen girls (Cantonese speaking but parents mandarin speaking), Shanghai girls or Beijing girls, if they are beautiful they have sex with handsome men if they feel like it. It is almost as if having sex with a hot foreigner doesn’t count. I know a Chinese girl who had sex with several white guys in my circle but then when she hit 22 started to date a wealthy Chinese guy and pretended to be a virgin and won’t sleep with him until they were married. She continued to sleep with one of our buddies until right up to the wedding. These girls are common. They are chaste around Chinese men and ugly foreigners they want to marry but they are very easy around handsome white guys. Like I say, I think many Chinese girls can live some kind of double life around foreigners whom they feel won’t judge their sluttiness.

  • Crystal

    Dear TLB,

    I can give you example from my own experience of a very naive girl whom I used to be just few years ago when I started to work in an international travel agency.

    I always tried to do my job in the best way, and often got “thanks letters” from clients. Sometimes to emphasize their appreciation our foreign clients even wrote “I liked you”. You can’t imagine how surprised and embarrassed I was. My colleagues even played jokes on me seeing how I blushed.
    In fact, even now – while understanding the Western perspective of such compliments – I still feel not comfortable in similar situations.

    Also I am truly impressed by your gentleman’s behavior. Not only you did not press your lady when she said “no”, but you also did not take any offense and weren’t blinded by disappointment so that you still were able to notice her true feelings.

    I wish you a lot of happiness in your marriage.

  • China Shark Mike

    Reading through your blog helps me realise I did the right thing by moving here to find my true red thread in life. Red Thread is Chinese folklore about 2 people being attached by a single red thread that crosses continents. It’s destiny, fate, true romantic dillusions some may say but I know it exists because I’ve finally met the person that understands me through all of my nonsense. Tattooed, selfish and eating in bed, she can see past the brutish exterior to the man I really am inside. I have been the playboy here yet never felt right about it, just want to connect with someone on that spiritual level. It’s not yellow fever or a fetish like so many others experience whilst in China. My home is in China for at least the next 3-5 yrs. I’m a middle class guy with good jobs yet am not finacially well to do yet. My girlfriend and I will start our business by next summer. I am fortunate to have experienced being with girls that wanted me for everything but me. What I could buy them or physically feed thier emotions. Persaverence and strength is what saved me in the long run. Life is what you make it. Accept one another for who they are and you’ll be fine in a cross cultural relationship. Too many foreigners including myself bought into the Chinese demure docile soulmate. Got news for you they don’t exist even in small towns. I’ve taught people from all different parts of China and the general cocensus {spelling} is that no money, no honey, no funny. Live it love it deal with it. I was trying to reconcile with my ex a month or so ago and all she could think about how much money I could make and how easy her life would be if she married me. I never meant a damn thing to her other than being the proverbial sugar daddy. If you found the exception to the rule I’m happy for you yet not buying it. Z’s experiences are the majority of the unhealthy relationships I see with East/West. Blowing smoke up one’s butt does not necessarily make you a chimney. If you want any woman in life you will need to bend occasionally to keep the peace. On that note don’t get Chinese and give into unreasonable demands. Chinese guys never stand up to women therefore a lot of women here think men are just to be used for amusement purposes. People always think it’ll never happen to me. Love is blind, deaf and dumb. Truth be told Chinese women’s expectations are much higher and more unrealistic than thier western counterparts. Mutual understanding of each others needs is essential to lead a cohesive relationship that lasts a lifetime and not just the first few years.

    • anon

      @ China Shark Mike” Truth be told Chinese women’s expectations are much higher and more unrealistic than thier western counterparts”.

      White American SWPL girls have even higher expectations than Chinese girls.

      ” I have been the playboy here yet never felt right about it, just want to connect with someone on that spiritual level”

      what a total pussy you are. I tell you that not to insult you but to shock you out of being such a sensitive bitch. women don’t want to fuck men who want to connect with them on a spiritual level. They want those men to be a meal ticket, like your ex. That’s why no money no honey. Money is all you got.

      Kissing up to smart girls who write blogs is retch worthy. You are either a pedestaliser of women who wants a pat on the head and a “good boy” from a high value female or you are completely un self aware.

      The more you bend to a woman to keep the peace, the more you will end up bending over and taking it in the ass. A lover who gives you shit is testing you. If you are a strong willed male with plenty of sexual options you wont’ take shit from her. You kick her out of your life. Women love this because they are serial monogamists who will upgrade to better men if they can get them. They want to be led by a strong man. It turns them on. If you don’t take shit from them you are a very sexually desirable male.

      That doesn’t mean you bully them or disrespect them. It means that you don’t let her lead the relationship in any way.

      “tatooed, selfish, eating in bed, she can see past the brutish exterior……”

      give me a fucking break

  • Man in the mirror

    You people have way too much free time!

  • JtotheM

    I stopped reading right after the part about asking for phone numbers. This is so absolutely incorrect. At least in China. I suspect you left China before you started dating. Chinese girls will give their phone number to anyone. Even if she is your girlfriend, you will have to tell her to stop giving out her phone number to every guy who asks.

    • fran

      true,, they even reply politely to people they dont know who text them.

  • Dpowron

    I dont kow what you are talking about, I know they cheat on their boyfriends, I slept with some of them too, almost in front of their boyfriends. Dont know what chinese girls you are talking about. Maybe they wash you mind man, cuz, hundred I did know, most of them are “friendly” hahaha

  • Matt Harden

    Is it ok to send a simple flower or small gift to her work before a first date?

  • Ben

    good tips.. but that is your opinion. i have met someone very cool, who is quite different to that stereotype you have painted.. :) p.s. not all guys are the same either fyi

  • David Laster

    Quote: ”
    Never cheat !!! Chinese girls are sincere and frank and HATE to be cheated. If they catch you on cheating – you will never have a way back!”
    LOL well seems you have it all figured out yep ALL of Chinese girls never cheat or lie thats why my friends serious so called sincere ex Gf was caught in the room with his best friend taking one up the pooper.
    They do lie same as girls in other countries, its 50 50 so lets just clear that up right now, in fact they are less frank than western girls whom i find to be a bit more direct and forthcoming, this is neither a negative or positive it depends on opinion and situations.

  • John

    What do you do when your Chinese Girlfriend of 4 Years all of a sudden meets new men on work bus and gets so friendly with them and goes to dinner without telling you ? She is with colleagues but still one man is spending too much time as her friend. What do you say about this ? 55yrs old too. Her answer is he’s a Busmate ??? That is for a child to say. Adults don’t have bus mates. They are strangers on a bus.

  • Astaroth

    A lot of rubbish in this advice. Chinese girls will love a foreign guy to pay for a date, then never see them again!!!!

    • Hunk

      LOL, yea. Non of what is written here makes sense nor ties with my 20 years experience with China girls.
      Load of Crap in this article I must say… …

  • Foxthefox

    I’ve dated Asian women before. In fact they are my favorite women ( my son is part Thai ) I’ve been approached on a dating site by a Chinese woman. Never dated them before unless you count one from Taiwan. She wants to come visit me in USA . I like her- she’s attractive and seems sweet on the phone. She’s mentioned the term “life partner” and that doesn’t scare me. My question is- how do Chinese women feel about black men? Because I’m black – intelligent sophisticated and not your average stereotypical black man. I’ve never been to china but I’m going next year and I’ve heard both ends of the spectrum. That people are friendly and find blacks rare. I’ve also heard blacks have been met with racism there. ( I also realize how some Americans of all colors/races are obnoxious and bad tourists and promote bad feelings toward them)
    I just want your opinion on if Chinese girls like black men. I read they go for blonde blue eyes the most.

  • zack

    Wtf. I did the first one

  • Will your son be next?

    Very true, women are women, better of going MGTOW.

  • Blues of Morderer

    This is for Chinese? These tips are pure common sense and could apply to any culture!