As I mentioned in my previous post about compliments, such human interactions as giving and accepting gifts, complimenting, apologizing etc. comprise an important part of what can be called as national mentality. Thus, in order to improve the mutual understanding in intercultural relationship it is important to learn the appropriate ways of apologizing as well.
It’s hard to recall where I heard it first time, but I remember someone mentioning that French use to say: “If woman is wrong – it’s the man who should say sorry”.
Mmm… if men could follow such gentlemen’s code – then this world would be perfect! Hehe, I am kidding. Don’t worry. Most Chinese girls are quite sane and normal – unlike it might be assumed after reading this article claiming a high prevalence of narcissistic types among Chinese women.
Of course, every person is different. But I don’t know a girl who doesn’t like sweet words. It is especially efficient because Chinese men are generally very reserved.
So – if you made a mistake about which you regret and want to make up – don’t think in the rational terms of fairness. Just make the first step and try to be as sweet as honey :-).
I admit that don’t understand why “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”? Does a man lose face if he says “sorry”? In my opinion – when it comes to romantic relationships ability to apologize is what makes a man to be the man.
However, sweet words and flowers is not a panacea. On the contrary, one shouldn’t treat it as a sort of indulgence which can be used at any given moment. Just as foreign men compared to Chinese are more proficient in sweet rhetoric, Chinese are better in letting actions to speak instead of words.
So, if you messed up the things – use your imagination and prepare some kind of surprise – something that would make your girl touched and melt her heart. Is there something that the girl always wanted from you, but you never had time? Well… now it’s the time!
Don’t misunderstand: I am NOT talking about buying expensive gifts. Unfortunately, I have witnessed a relationship in which a guy became a victim of very capricious and selfish girl who always succeeded to manipulate him into feeling guilty and “forced” him to do whatever she wanted. In fact, they recently got married and I really feel very sorry for that man…
Let’s get back to the not so pathological situations :-). Want an example of original way to apologize? Okay! Here is a story from newspaper. One Chinese guy from Guangzhou quarreled with his girlfriend. It seems that he did something really bad – since she even didn’t want to talk to him. And what did he decide to do then? He knew that she had a hobby of taking a care of “virtual garden” in her QQ space (a popular internet social platform in China). So – he went to the outskirts of their city and with the help of a local farmer created a real garden similar to the one that his girlfriend made online. Afterwards he invited her for a “last” conversation, brought her to that garden and begged for a second chance, which was immediately granted to him.
But you know what is the best way to apologize? It is to avoid unnecessary fights and quarrels. Here, in fact, I would advise you to learn from Chinese men. Chinese girls like to nag and complain. So – wise Chinese men evolved the ability to “install special filters” into their ears allowing them to “listen” to their women without losing the temper. Maybe you should also try ;-)
And if you have some tips on how to apologize to Chinese girls – leave your comments.
Sometimes nagging, Crystal Tao