Email subscribe to LLC blog updates:
Your email:
www.agoda.com
«  
  »

Meet the Parents (of Your Chinese Girlfriend)

第一次见岳母大人

Meeting the Parents of Chinese GirlfriendRecently I got few emails from men who planned to visit parents of their Chinese girlfriends and asked for tips on how to leave a good impression on them. Since this is a very important topic, I feel that it would be helpful to post these tips here on the blog. If you have anything to add – feel free to leave your comments in the end of this post.

It is important to note that if Chinese girl has invited you to meet her parents – this is a very significant sign meaning that she is serious about your relationship. Take it in account when you decide to accept or decline the invitation. If you read until here, I suppose that you are interested to accept it.

It is natural if you feel nervous and have a lot of questions. Let’s try to figure out answers to some of them.

First of all, what about gifts to her parents? In western countries flowers are always a good idea, but in China it is not a very popular gift (especially for older generation). So, it’s better to ask your lady what her mother is more into. You can also get some ideas from Jocelyn’s gifts-giving guide.

As for her father, if he is a smoker (which is unfortunately true for most of Chinese men) a block of cigarettes would be a good choice. Beware, however, that your attempt to be original might create troubles: Chinese are superstitious – so make sure that your gift has no negative symbolical meaning (like watch or clock, pronunciation of which in Chinese is similar to “death”).

If there are going to be other members of the family, ask her about Chinese way to address them. It will make them happy and help you to create a good and friendly atmosphere.

If you are invited for a dinner, make sure to come hungry and be ready to eat a lot !!! Everyone will urge you to eat and constantly fill your plate, you should not disappoint them ;-)

By the way, this will be a good chance to demonstrate your skills in using chopsticks. Practice in advance if you are yet not comfortable with them.

Kissing and hugging your girl in front of her parents is not the best way to prove your feelings since the older generation frowns upon public display of affection and intimacy.

If the parents of your girlfriend live in the countryside you might encounter some additional “surprises”. You are a foreigner, stranger (“laowai”) and some curious neighbors might find an excuse to come over, say “Hi” just to have a chance to peep at you. Please, don’t be angry or feel offended. Try to understand that you are different and treat this situation in a friendly way.

Finally, you might find that the toilet in their house is not the regular flush one you are used to, but the squat toilet. You will have to figure out its usage by yourself and my only tip would be to not lose your sense of humor. :mrgreen:

The most important advice that I can give you: if you have any fears or doubts, talk with your girl in advance and she will help you. And don’t forget to check out the article about how to leave a good impression on a girl herself.

Good luck!
Your sincere friend, Crystal Tao.

Incoming search terms:

  • chinese girlfriend
  • meeting chinese parents
  • chinese girl friend
  • gifts for chinese parents
  • gifts for chinese girlfriend
  • china girlfriend
  • meeting chinese girls parents
  • meeting chinese girlfriends parents
  • meeting chinese parents first time
  • how to impress chinese parents
  • girlfriend in china
  • china girlfriends

If you liked this article, consider to subscribe to new LoveLoveChina posts by RSS. You can also follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

And most important! I want to invite you to join LoveLoveChina forums where you can read posts on different topics, leave replies and post your own threads.

  • http://laowaichris.blogspot.com/ Chris

    Perfect, totally agree with all of that. Also, don’t be surprised if you have a name that is difficult to pronounce in Chinese (or whatever local dialect they speak), that they may just name you “foreigner”. This is what happened to me. My girlfriend’s family only know me as this name (but in the Wenzhou dialect).

    If you’re squeamish about any food, then tell your girlfriend beforehand, because if it’s on the table, then you’ll probably be made to eat it. And finally, if the father is accompanied by uncles then be prepared to drink….a lot.

    I find that although it can be a little strange not understanding what everyone is talking about (Wenzhounese is just a noise to me), if I just smile, eat, and drink with the others, then it can be a very pleasant dinner.

    • scarlet

      That strikes me as sad that they have not bothered to learn your name. Have you tried giving yourself a Chinese pseudonym? Chinese are happy to treat a new Chinese name as the Chinese “translation” of your native name, in the same way that they seem to like giving themselves English pseudonyms even in the rare cases that their names are easy for English speakers to pronounce.
      Also, them speaking Wenzhounese sounds like the complaint I hear from my Ningbonese friend visiting his in-laws in Hangzhou (even though they are both Wu dialects). He says he just understands the 是这样吧 at the end of his father in law’s sentences and agrees with whatever unknown sentiment has just been expressed. Courtesy generally means you speak Mandarin in front of guests from other places, but tradition is that elders often ignore courtesy since a) East Asian society encourages the elderly to indulge in stubborn behavior b) they grew up in old china/cultural revolution and don’t know any better. An idea could be playing the dumb foreigner and saying 再说一遍, 我听不明白, 请说慢一点 after each and every sentence, pretending you think they _are_ speaking Mandarin and are trying fruitlessly to follow it. Eventually they should just switch to Mandarin just to shut you up.

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Ouch! Thanks for reminding about drinking. That’s really something a guy must be ready for. :roll:

  • http://www.speakingofchina.com Jocelyn

    Hi Crystal, thanks for the link to my gift guide!

    Nice article, as I often get similar questions. I answered one about how to impress the parents on a visit during Chinese New Year — a lot of my suggestions are very similar to yours. My readers added a lot of helpful advice in the comments as well.

    Keep up the nice writing, Crystal!

  • David R.

    Thanks so much for doing this blog. I live in Shanghai and am trying to find a real GF, not just a fling. The advice you provide is both pertinent and useful.

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    David, thanks for your comments. Wish you can find a wonderful girlfriend!

  • http://laowaiink.weebly.com Mark

    I’ve been in this situation a couple of times, and it’s kinda nerve-wracking, but the best way to win the parents’ hearts is to see their daughter genuinely happy with you. When I met my wife’s parents for the first time, they were naturally a bit hesitant about their daughter being in love with a tattooed American teacher, but I held my own, and she gave me lots of support, and now life is peachy. It also helped that I was immediately nuts about her mom’s cooking :-P.

    Btw, I run a blog about tattoos in China, and I’m curious about a Chinese girl’s perspective on tattoos. Maybe one day you could do a post about it. :?:

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Mark,

    Thanks for sharing your perspective. It’s encouraging to know that genuine attitude can overcome cultural differences.
    An article about Chinese girls’ attitude to tatoos seems a good idea :!:

  • James Roberts

    oh great!! Like I wasn’t nervous enough before-Me with my long hair, spider web tattoo,black rose of death and of course the tattoo of a heart with a knife though it, not to mention my nipple ring (all from my days in the service) I gave up drinking years ago and now I’ll be drinking and eating questionable food and possibly facing a squat toilet with a trick knee. :shock: My luck my knee will pop out of place and I will end up rolling around on the bathroom floor. Well Crystal I do not know if I will make a good impression but I bet I will make a lasting one!!

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Haha, James.
    At least you have a good sense of humor, and it will definitely earn you some points ;-)

  • Thomas J.

    Another great entry, keep it up Crystal! :razz: I think that many westerners leave a very bad impression on their girlfriends parents because they simply do not educate theirselves about Chinese culture, or simply do not respect the culture. I am not implying that anyone should bend-over backward to please your in-laws..however, most likely the girl is the only child and you are showing up to essentially take her away. Chinese girls ARE VERY filial (well, at least the good ones) and the step of meeting the parents is probably more influential than any other part of your relationship up to this point. OH, and I like the squat toilet..haha. I really liked watching the “new guys” going into the airport bathroom at Chongqing airport each time…so memorable. :cool:

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    All men who commented here so far are very polite. Seems that my blog attracts nice guys… :lol:

  • Phillip

    Don’t expect the father to like you too much, it’s this universal thing, fathers can’t help it. The key is to show that you treat his little princess with affection and respect. And the way I see it is that everybody likes showing off once in a while. So when it comes to giving presents, try something not only worth showing off, and can be showed, you can buy them expensive tea, but who is gonna walk around holding a tea cup these days, so might as well buy a watch or a scarf.

    And the dialect. My relatives in Shanghai and Jiangsu are very proud of their own culture and heritage, since the majority of Chinese have a lot in common, nowadays they feel inclined to focus that pride on their dialects.

    I understand Shanghaiese well, but I’m not very fluent in it, so whenever I’m staying with my Shanghai relatives, it’s like this: they talk to me in Shanghaiese, and I speak Mandarin. They never said anything about it, but I can see that they are pretty disappointed. It’s the same with foreigners, if you talk to them in Mandarin, they won’t feel very connected, and if they have to speak Mandarin with you, well, that’s gonna suck, especially to the younger generation（just imagine asking the French to speak English）. So learn at least how to greet people in the local dialect, doesn’t matter how lame you sound, it’s the gesture that counts. It will amaze you how one (stupid) dialect can bring you so much closer to her parents.

    小声：中文标题是否应该是“岳父母”？

    • scarlet

      If your relatives are disappointed about having to carry on half of the conversation in the one official language of the People’s Republic of China rather than being shocked and flattered that you can understand their dialect at all, it confirms all of the complaints I hear about elitist Jiangnan people. My migrant friends get asked in the census 你为什么来我们上海?（侬为啥来阿拉上海?) as if they are somehow invading this city built by migrant workers. Remember that there are 1.3 billion people that HATE Shanghainese and believe firmly that their language is a tool to exclude poor people from conversations, this is the cultural pride you talk of.

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Hi Phillip,

    Regarding the dialect, this is an awesome advice. I myself being a native Chongqing girl know that my parents would be very happy if my boyfriend knows some Chongqing dialect. :lol:

    感谢提醒！对的，字面上看起来应该是“岳父母”。但我们通常把拜见岳父母这一事件说成拜见岳母大人。 ;-)

  • Ke Jie

    Well, I am very much enjoying your blog and the information is so helpful. As my departure date draws near for my first trip to Hangzhou, I find myself obessively focused on gifts for my girlfriend and her family. Here is the laundry list of items I have purchased for the trip… I’m certain customs is going to think I am running black market items… :roll:

    Girl Friend: 4 special peices of gold and diamond jewelry, an autographed Lebron James jersey, chocolates, bath and body works lotions. (OH and ME :mrgreen: )

    Girlfriends Father: *gulp*… Nice box of cigars (10) with cutter in a decorative box, U.S. States quarter colletion with nice holder and a 100 years of flight coin (I fly airplanes as a hobby) so it is meaningful.

    Girlfriend’s mother: *double gulp*… Chocolates and Bath and Body Works lotions

    (I plan to give parents a small red envelop with $9,999 RMB)

    Grand Father: 1/2 Pound of Ginseng and Fish Oil Supplements

    Grand Mother: Chocolates, Fish Oil Supplements and Bath and Body Works lotions

    Brother, Wife & Child: State quarter collection, chocolates, Bath and Body Works lotion, Learn English childrens books, Learn English flash cards, Yo-yo’s and Slinky.

    3 Cousins, Wives & Children: Chocolates, Bath and Body Works lotion, Learn English childrens books, Learn English flash cards, Yo-yo’s and Slinky.

    Male Colleage: State Quarter set and coffee

    Female Colleage: Bath and Body Works lotions, Chocolates & name brand t-shirts.

    So that is my list so far, I’m going shop happy :oops: So Crystal, any suggestions???

    Xie xie

    Ke Jie

  • Thomas J.

    Ke Jie,
    I am impressed with the amount of things you are taking her family, but do you feel you need so much? Sometimes you can make an impression with simple gifts and also your actions. The giving of money to the parents, from my understanding, is more a token as a wedding gift or comittment, but you say you are visiting her for the first time. You should focus on showing overwhelming respect for her parents and their culture and earning (not buying) their acceptance of you. I am not suggesting that you are trying to buy them, and maybe they are very wealthy people and your girl has recommended these gifts for you..if that is the case, then I apologize. It is just the vast majority of Chinese earn much less than the average American, so such largess can be overwhelming and in some cases create an unwanted “bar” that you now have to meet or surpass with future visits. I hope you have a good time, focus on the moments, and immerse yourself in your new “potential” family’s culture. Good Luck!

  • Ke Jie

    Thomas

    Great comments. To answer you. I am unfortunately a giver… Sometimes too much and I try to pick out gifts that have a meaning to me. I collect coins and fly airplanes hence the focus on the coins. For my girl, I just want to “spoiler” her in a good way and let her knwo she is very important to me. As for the cultural respect, I have several chinese friends and began studying mandarin in January as to show respect to the culture and to my hope to be future inlaws. As far as money, I was not certain if it appropriate and nor is my girlfriend… So some things are a trial and error. I also have a weakness for children, so it seems everytime I go shopping I see something “I” ummm I mean the 4 year-old nephews would enjoy. I have a little kid in me that will be plying with them. LOL Perhaps, the non-cash gifts are the best. I will discuss with my girlfriend. I suspect I can give the little ones a red envelop with 99 RMB for good luck?

    Xie xie Ni,

    Ke Jie

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Dear Ke Jie,

    The list is very impressive! :shock:

    I just hope that you are not going to create some unrealistic expectations with which you would have difficulties to cope in the future.
    Since you describe yourself as a natural giver, there shouldn’t be problems. However, if you are going to modify the list – please refrain from making it bigger.

  • Ke Jie

    Crystal:

    I suspect you are right. I think I will moderate my gift giving. I can tend to go overboard in gift giving… A habit I need to break. ;-) I will speak with my girlfriend to make sure I don’t go way overboard. :oops:

    Xie xie

    Ke Jie

  • http://www.Mandmx.com Magnus

    So… if I have a special kind of cigarettes from my hometown called “White Mum Clock” cigarettes. I could give that to the father-in-law? Is that ok? Ha ha ha!

  • TLB

    Crystal, could you address the Chinese notion (not just Chinese but very wide-spread I am told) of reciprocal giving? I am also going to meet future in-laws for the first time (though I’m of, um, an “earlier” generation so the rules are probably different)and need gift ideas.

    On the one hand, it seems lots of Chinese think all Americans are rich (I hope they begin to modify that as the yuan begins to further appreciate versus the US dollar!) so maybe giving a lot might be expected; on the other hand, I’d hate to put her folks, siblings, etc. in a position of feeling like they need to reciprocate and can’t afford to.

    Your exchange with Ke Jie is most interesting and gave birth to my questions.

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    I can’t predict the reaction of the girl’s family to excessively generous gifts, but my gut feeling says that if you give too much – they will be just very astonished (but not feel bad or owing to you).

    My only advice would be to make sure that you YOURSELF and your lady feel comfortable about it. Thus, I urge you to talk with her about your doubts…

  • Alexandru R.

    Nice! Xie-Xie for this! It’s very good! AA.. off topic, why don’t you make an “Facebook” account? It is more easy.. Anyway…. I like your articles. I’m from Romania – Europe and I want to continue my studies in China. I’ve meet lovely people there (from internet). I’m glad that I run through this article! :) ;-)

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Hi Alexandru,

    Good luck for your studies in China.
    Thanks for your advice – I will definitely setup a page in Facebook. It’s in my plans ;-)

  • Alexandru R.

    Ni hao! Xie-Xie! I will waiting your page! I don’t want to sound impolite , but I’m one of your fans! :oops: :roll:
    Being off topic… That’s way I like USA , because of the cultural diversity! In my opinion , the best relations are from two “different” cultures. Because we complete each other ! I think so… Anyway , in USA it’s easy to find chinese people! In Romania ….it’s very hard , almost impossible… . That’s why I like USA! Sorry for off topic !

  • Marty

    I’m a newcomer having just discovered your great site from a link you left on another forum. I would like to add that if you are offered white wine, be under no illusions that this is the white wine you know from the west. This stuff would power a rocket and can be 30 – 50% proof. Your glass may magically never be empty and you will be expected to drink each time someone decides to toast. Handle with care :cool:

    • Nick

      I’ve heard that baijiu was closer to pure ethanol. I don’t drink, and fortunately my sweetie and her family (at least brother and sisters – I’ve not met the parents yet) all know that I don’t drink and they’re cool with it. They’re happy to see _her_ happy since she’s the oldest other than the brother.

  • Behind Blue Eyes

    I was not prepared to eat or drink so much on my first day with my no ex’s parents. My plate stayed full no matter how much I ate which was the same the next five days. GanBei(Cheers), is a good word to know if her dad is a drinker which hers was. I agree with Marty that stuff is potent and never ending. I even had beer waiting for me with breakfast.

    As far as gifts. I brought alcohol and money. And they loved it.

  • Marty

    Some useful words to remember “wo bao le” (I’m full). This will be understood without causing offence and will probably cause some amusement. ;-)

  • Nick

    I have not met my angel’s parents yet, but that is on the agenda for my next trip there. (Our last two trips together were outside of China, or it would have happened sooner.)

    After a couple of trips, I finally just got my sweetie alone for a few moments and ASKED her about the squat toilets. Fortunately, she was familiar with western sit toilets, so after she stopped laughing (and realized I was serious) when I explained that we do not have squat toilets in the US, she taught me the secret to using them successfully.

    At the risk of causing embarrassment to our sensitive readers, I will explain how anyone wearing trousers or shorts can do this…

    On a sit toilet, you normally pull your trousers or shorts down to your ankles. On the squat toilets, keep them just above or JUST BELOW the knees and you’ll be safe. Just be sure you don’t have anything sticking out of your back pockets, or you may lose it. (pro tip – pulling your underwear DOWN OVER your trousers waistband may prevent things from falling out of pockets.)

    I know – most of the people who regularly contribute here already know this, but I hope this will save someone on his first visit to China some embarrassment.

    (They have squat toilets in some places in France, by the way.)

    (I actually prefer squat toilets – much more hygienic.)

  • Bored in Sydney

    If you get the chance to visit the remote parts of China you will be partly glad to use a squat and sorry you needed to use it at all. I am seen some truly repulsive things in my life and the ‘pond’ behind the open toilets in a village in remote Yunnan is well above anything else at the top of my list.

    Luckily my mandarin is pretty good and I have met a few parent’s of ex girlfriends in the past so apart from the normal stuff like the drink games and how to not give away more than required to have face in the money games I hope to avoid more traps for your players (payers). My cautionary note is that some of the ‘customs’ around many Asian cultures are well designed to ensure that outsiders end up making a significant investment. On the other hand if you do it right you can be made to feel very welcome and part of the clan.

  • China Shark Mike

    Squatting in China is so very Chinese and Japanese. Check it on any given street in Japan or China young and old will drop into a squatting position at the drop of a hat. Strange thing when I was first exposed to it living in Tokyo back in 93-94. I find that the squatting stance relieves pressure from the lower back. It’s a cultural thing but find myself doing it when tired waiting at a bustop. Comment on the white wine, it ain’t white wine it’s pure Chinese white lightning. Kerosene is what it tastes like. It’s foul and disgusting yet if you like to drink you get used to the taste after the first two shots burned off the tastebuds. Funny thing is little or no hangover that is so common with scotch and other amber colored alcohol. I don’t drink much but when in China do like the Chinese. I’m from Irish descent so I’m always drinking my friends under the table when I choose to imbibe. Even if you don’t drink I think making the exception to the rule cements things better with the local Chinese. I quit drinking for 20 yrs and only started drinking with close friends about a year ago. Chinese view it as why will he or she not drink with us. Believe what you may it is a face thing. The only exception would be to claim you’re a degenerate alcoholic. I plan on getting loaded when I marry my girl, Chinese believe the more you drink with them the more you actually care about thier culture. I know I trust a person more if they’re willing to have a few drinks with me. Simple pschyology, walls are knocked down, the real person emerges under the influence of a few spirits. What my girlfriend or my wife’s family thinks of me is the most important thing. If you have a bad liver, etc are the exceptions to the rule.

  • haha no

    when i visited my inlaws for the first time, a coupe of years ago, it was terrible.

    after 15 hours on a Z train hard seat. I got to the house (in the middle of no where) with no air con (35c heat), no seats except the floor and a rug, and bed was a run with a blanket on the floor.
    I was constantly sweating (get out the shower and dry youself, then not sure if you dried yourself or not sue to teh lay of sweat) and hated every minute i was there. tired, hot and totally needing to get back to a small city with a hotel and air con.

    well, i was dragged around everyone’s house in the village then taken to the public toilets on the edge of the village so i could do a crap, my now mother, was worried as i hadnt been to the toilet for days.

    after trying to make my self as brave as possible (to walk past the big spider guarding the door)
    I made it inside and found a smell that could have killed a elephant. Then to my total horror, the roof…. covered in very large spiders, the walls next to the toilets, covered in crap and spiders and things walking around,,, i ran out of there without leaving my deposit. (ended up taking a crap in a plastic bag) then didnt crap again for the rest of the week.

    I was a total bustard due to how uncomfortable i was. I before i left i was taken to a pond of types where i could swim and cool down,,,, needles to say, i came out of there looking more like a prune than a human.

    The one saving grace was that i knew i was being a bastard and apologized for my behavior.

    they have installed a air con to make me more comfortable during the summer and it can do hot air for the winters. I am now a very welcome (overly so) and valued hard working and loving member of the family.

    Something I have noticed while being in china is while i am good with people for a short amount of time (2-3 weeks constant interaction (literally 24/7)is fine). but when it gets to months of no time and space on my own, I get irritable as hell.

    My family here have learnt to give me a day or so one a month on my own, to recuperate and do my own thing. After that I am back to my normal cheery happy self.
    give me 3 days or more on my own and I miss the interaction of people and need people again.

    In the early days, If i had been them, I would have told my daughter to find another boyfriend, I do not have the patients that they have shown me.

    So, to wrap this post up. WELL DONE CHINESE PEOPLE :grin:

  • GentleGiant

    I chose the gifts I took for my GF very carefully, Some (tasteful)silk underwear, a glorious red and green pashmina, and a wide variety of chocolate (so much chocolate I got stopped at airport security and made to empty it all out!!!)

    As I am a big softy I also chucked in a red bean-filled love heart; she loved it, and it has pride of place in the middle of her bed.

  • Kristen

    Wondering about cigars. Are these a good gift for a man in China who does you a favor?

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Yes, cigars is a very good gift!

  • Toby

    I am going to Dalian , China in one year to meet my girlfriend. What do I need to do now to get ready . I have never been to China. I have a hard time learning Mandarin on the Internet . I am afraid I will sound stupid when I talk . My girlfriend knows English. I am a little shy meeting new people , but am very respectable and not rude to other culture ways. I have not even tried to use chop sticks yet. I have a lot to learn and experience . She is worth it. Wish me luck.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Good luck, Toby.
      One year is a long time.
      Use it to learn basic Chinese phrases ;-)
      … and join our forum

    • http://www.magnoliaarts.com ZhuBaJie

      Learning to use chopsticks will win you points, too! (and easier than learning Chinese!) When I visited my wife’s parents for the first time, they knew I could use chopsticks, but they carefully laid out a knife, fork, and spoon for me just in case — a very touching act of caring, I thought.

      Depending where you are, you should be able to find someone who speaks Chinese? Maybe you can buy him or her lunch once a week and practice.

      • http://www.magnoliaarts.com ZhuBaJie

        See, this is one of the greatest joys of inter-cultural relationships: you learn to see through others’ eyes. I just re-read my comment about laying out western dinnerware — if I didn’t know what I now know about Chinese culture, I’d have easily taken offense in my mind: “why did they do that? Of course I know how to use chopsticks! She told them I do! That’s just rude! Do they think I’m that incompetent?”

        Instead I’ve learned to see these small acts as acts of love; and in that process, I broaden my own mind and deepen my understanding of life and of love.

  • Toby

    Thank you Crystal ! I will be sure to learn as much as I can in one year for basic phrases and words. Saying the words correctly is very important for me. She will teach me more when we are together. We want to live in the states then retire to China.

  • Toby

    How long do you suppose it takes for some one to become effective and comfortable with the use of chopsticks . I have mild palsy , but not to bad ?

  • scarlet

    We want to live in the states then retire to China.

    May I suggest the exact opposite, China has opportunities for the strong, but it is harsh towards the weak, elderly, infirm and disabled. I always laugh at the Settle Down option on the immigration card since most elderly Chinese on the plane tell me how glad they are that their son/daughter lives abroad and they can retire somewhere comparatively calm and safe.

    How long do you suppose it takes for some one to become effective and comfortable with the use of chopsticks.

    One or two months maybe, they would not be so popular if they were particularly difficult to learn, just ask someone in China to show you and do exactly what they do. Note, it will be slightly uncomfortable to hold them correctly, but will get comfortable with time if you keep doing it. Remember, you do not have “your own style”, any variation from the standard grip is simply doing it wrong and should be quickly corrected before it is too ingrained.

  • Ally

    现在我的男友都以(外父,外母)来称呼我的父母.我妈妈是一个很开朗的人,所以常常和我男友开玩笑.我的男友酒量很好,我妈妈以为他很喜欢饮酒,所以常常对他说广东话:饮酒. :razz:

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      常对他说“饮酒”而不是“干杯”？你妈妈好高明哦！ :lol:

  • scarlet

    Ally: 我在深圳去KTV跟一些那边的朋友一起唱歌。喝酒之前他们说普通话说得很标准，喝一瓶之后音调像粤语两瓶之后发音有点像粤语三瓶之后像香港电影但是没有字幕。广东人的酒量很悲剧。

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      几瓶酒一喝，普通话和粤语差不多。 :mrgreen:
      要说酒量啊，听说东北人的酒量特别好，喝起白酒来就像我们喝啤酒一样。 :shock:

      • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

        haha, I guess I’m lucky here: my wife is a northerner but they don’t drink much — well, not much for northerners! When we’re together the beer and wine flow, but I don’t get any sense that their judgment of my “manhood” comes from how much I can hold.

        Luckily they don’t like drinking baijiu :razz: 好在他们都不会喝白酒 ;-)

        • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

          那你真的很幸运！ ;-)

  • Toby

    My sweet heart is mailing me and my two young boys our on chopsticks to practice with. We will have to try to find someone to show us. Thier is only one Chinese restaurant in the small town near where we live. Also maybe we can look on YouTube . She is also sending green tea . I love to drink this. I will be sending her a gift in return . I talk with her on the phone for the first time last night. Her English was good enough , I just have to make sure I speak clear with not to much accent and American slang. I learn some Chinese but when I called I froze up and my mind went blank . Over all it was not a bad first phone call. I just hope I did not make a poor impression . She told me she loved me and we both agreed to work harder learning each others language.

  • Ryan

    Hey how are you doing today, I can not speak chinese worth a cent, but my girlfriend’s father speaks fluent english. He is Modern Chinese and works at a university. What are some good things to impress him. I am a broke poor white guy berly able to aford the flight tickit, my Girlfriend knows this and understands and loves me for my hard work and dedication as well my unwavering ablitiy to never give up. I am sweet and have an endless fount of love that she see’s in me. I will have an AS dagree in 2013. I need some tips this will be my first visit, and I can not drink alchol I do not want to seem rude but how would I politely deney the drink if offered. How would I use a squat tolite and where do the wipeings go I know not to be flushed down, is there a balance technic? There so many questions I have and thank you for all help given.

    • haha no

      hey ryan,
      :-) when i cam back to china on a one way ticket, i was skint as well, I felt quite sorry for, my then, GF,,, imagine, getting with the only skint white guy hahaha.
      any how, rather than just coming for a holiday, try and get a job sorted out before you come to china, then you can earn some cash while living here.
      some things to impress the possible future inlaws would be,
      sitting down and spending day after day trying to learn chinese, if you plan to live in the country you really should learn the basics.

      when you get introduced to the family (it will probably be at a meal with 10-15 people) try not so retreat into a shell. if you get offered food, try it no matter what it is.

      toilets.. where abouts are you going? if your going to a city, the likely hood of having to use a squat toilet is very low, especially in shanghai or Bejing, in the big citys the only squat toilets are in the public toilets and if you go in there you have more to worry about than the toilet… (like hell on earth)

      you are not meant to flush toilet paper as you well know,,,, but, i would rather flush it than have piss’y or shitt’y toilet paper in a bin in my bathroom. so i always flush the stuff. im sure most westerners do.
      if you really want you can put it in a bin that is provided in most places, if there is no bin, then flush it,,,, or stick it to the wall and make a smiling face.

      balancing on a squat toilet is not easy, i grab some paper and put it against the wall and use one hand to lean on it, so i dont fall in/over.

      as for not drinking, the chinese wont understand this very well, so you have 3 choices,
      1) say you only have 1 kidney
      2) take painkillers and just live with the beer and hangovers.
      3) make sure you fill your own glass (very important)

      go out of sight and get a spare glass, fill one large glass with water (when no one can see you) fill the other glass with what ever spirit you will be drinking,
      every time there is a round of toasting fill your own glass with water and leave the large glass of spirits untouched.
      people will not know you are drinking water and as time goes by the more drunk they get, the more you can look like a god (ie not getting drunk after 50 rounds of drinks) just make sure you dont decide to drink the glass that is full of the spirit as that will kill you :-)
      (this is unless someone asks if they can have your glass of ‘water’ in which case you need to poitly refuse and down the glass in one :lol: and give them the empty glass.

      most importantly, while every one is different, i have yet to meet a mother or father that will be too please if they come back to find you nailing their daughter, so either use a hotel or a chastity belt.

      Other notes of interest, most chinese parents, (and women) only tend to have 1 or maybe 2 boyfriends before getting married,women here seem to marry at the age of 21-25, and in general a child will be soon to follow.
      ;-)

      “I am sweet” <<good to see you have a low opinion of your self….. :arrow:

      you said you GF's father speak english,,, does your GF???

      be your self, if people dont like you then,,, well then you are probably a ****er, :grin: :lol: :grin: :lol:
      lol,

      good luck to you, hope things turn out well. peace

      • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

        take painkillers and just live with the beer and hangovers

        Take painkillers before or after?
        Because I heard that drugs and alcohol don’t play well together.

        • haha no

          yeha i heard that as well haha, but i normally take before + after.
          1 pain killer before i head out, and a couple when i get back, then maybe one or two mid after noon when i wake up(if im out 7pm-9am then the whole of the next day is messed up)

          • TLB

            This is a VERY BAD idea; you might be getting away with it, but you also might be unknowingly hurting your body.

            “The reason that painkillers and alcohol should not be taken at the same time is that both the substances are depressants, i.e., they affect the nervous system. The double effect of both the substances is not very healthy for the human nervous system and respiratory system. The respiratory system and the nervous system, due to the effects of both depressants, get relaxed and eventually slow down. The rate of breathing reduces, thus decreasing the volume of essential oxygen in the body. The second effect is that these substances also tend to affect the digestive system, especially the liver.”

            http://www.buzzle.com/articles/painkillers-and-alcohol.html

            Advice for you: quit doing this! You could be silently messing up a lot more than “the next day.” :shock:

        • Ryan

          Hey Toby thanks for the drinking idea! and info on toilet I will be in a big city wuhan.Yes she speaks english. I am tring to learn pinyin and become cirtfied TESL teacher when I finish my Liberal Arts (AS) dagree in English Communication. I have no desire to have any physical relations with my girlfriend, untel we do become married, she is 24 years old so am I. Saying so my self of beeing sweet is fine that is how I am, I must say being my self is a must and if they do not like me then they must not have concern of a good kind harted man to be bond to the child they so love dear. Toby thank you for the morale boost. I can feel the Eye of the Tiger tune run in my head “dunt dunt dunt duntduntdunt duhaaa in the eye of the tiger” bam swoop my girl up from airport , meet the dad, ” in the heat of the night wow oh wow oh wooooow! dunt dunt dunt duntduntdunt duhaaaa in the eye of the tiger!” do some stuff with my girl, have a good time. ” guitaur solo- wiran wulo wuloooo wang wao waooo wirn wirn wirnmmm”" in the eye of the tiger dudadunt dudanut dudant dada dada daam” then head back home and finish school then work on coming back for the marriage part.” yea yea yea yeaaaa wernt wernao wernt wenao wunta wunt wunao dudadant dadant dadano In the eyes of the tigerrrrrr wirnm lili lilil rirrrin irrn bowndarn bowdarn yea” Dont mind me another resion why she Likes me is I am a bendan. So I gess Wo Shi bendan wahlio mai ger ren. =D I need to work on chinese I try to be funny also but realy Toby thank you.

          • haha no

            Also, you should ask if her parents expect a payment to be made. I know people who have had to pay upto 400,000RMB to be able to marry the girl they wanted.
            I was lucky and only needed to chip in for the wedding.

            good luck to you, (im now watching smoke drift over the little town im in after lightning storm has set fire to bits of mountains around us)

          • GentleGiant

            Jeez, you can’t even spell and they are letting you do a degree in English Communication?? It must be a VERY Liberal Arts Degree :lol:

            Ré the toilets, it is not true that you will only find squat toilets in the public toilet areas; only the newer apartment blocks have been built with “western toilets”; depending on the city and how far the local regeneration scheme has progressed.

            I have visited people in a few southern Chinese cities and, except for one built in the last 5 years, ALL had squat toilets.

            I am also worried about 4 months of using a squat toilet (my fiancées apartment is old), so she is talking about buying me one of the stools the old people use :oops:

  • Toby

    I am learning some basic words and phrases . I am learning slowly because I want to make sure I get the proper vowel sounds perfect. I am not bothering with the written . I don’t have time to learn that. It would take many years. It seems some other foreigners have made bad impressions on some of her family members. I hope they understand that not all foreigners behave the same. I love her and she loves me. I hate the talk about yellow fever and all the perverted theories. It makes me angry that people want to make love between a man and woman a dirty thing. We are normal people who like each other. I happen to like her and many aspects of Chinese culture. I don’t like white men who take advantage of woman , period ! You should be shamed !

  • Toby

    The only major problem I am having is trying to figure the visa problem out. I am American. A friend told her she married her American husband on a travel visa in China and it worked out . They are living in America now. What I read is that I have to do the fiancée visa that has to have a visit on a travel visa before you can apply for it. Then like a 6 month to year wait. This is very aggravating and unnatural but worth it to be with my Sweet Heart. I hope it will work out for us. I made a promise to her and I intend to honor it . I want her family to know I am very interested and honest. I will take care of her Mum and send money what we can afford to China when we get together here. It makes me sick to hear all the selfish Americans cry about having to send money. If you truly love your wife you will also honor her and her family. Don’t be so cheap and nasty about that. It is a shame on you . Love is a sacrafice! Western society has lost touch with family values and could learn from Chinese culture. I am a white guy and I know how short life is . Give what you can with a good heart , but don’t let your family walk all over you either . Be honest with them and respectful.

  • francis

    i have a question.. i have a chinese girlfriend but we know that chinese are for chinese, her parents dont want me  to be with her because im not a chinese.. what im going to do? plsss help me.. this is my email address johnkristine_27@yahoo.com thanks..