Few weeks ago I had a chat with Daisy – my good friend since childhood. She was upset and confused after having a weird fight with her boyfriend. This fact alone was very unusual since she and Zhang rarely had any misunderstandings. Even more surprising was the reason of their fight – the awkward way in which Zhang proposed the marriage!

OK, let’s see what happened.

First of all, it’s important to mention that they have been together for few years and used to call each other “lao po” and “lao gong” (“wife” and “husband”). It was – and still is – pretty clear that sooner or later they are going to marry. The only question was when and how the proposal itself would be made.

Zhang decided to pop up the question one day before his girlfriend’s birthday. Actually, he hinted to be preparing a sort of surprise. But she didn’t suspect what exactly it was going to be.
On that day he left job earlier and came with car to pick up Daisy after her work. As they began driving back, Zhang turned to his girlfriend and asked her to pass him a CD with music. Daisy automatically reached out her hand to the “pocket” of the car’s door where they stored all CDs, took one of them and gave it to Zhang.

“Uff…” – said Zhang disappointedly – “my trick didn’t work”
“What trick?” – asked Daisy
“Check if there is anything else besides CDs?”

This time Daisy found two gift boxes… She opened the first box and saw a lovely necklace.
“Wow! What a beautiful birthday gift! Thank you, thank you, thank you” – she began kissing her boyfriend.
“Stop, I am driving! Open another box, please” – for some reason Zhang seemed to be slightly irritated.
“Hehe… another gift? Mmm… you are so generous today ;-) ”

The second box contained a ring.
“Oh, the ring is so beautiful! Is it also a birthday gift, or is it… related to surprise you were talking about?”
“Well… maybe it can be the engagement ring?”

It’s important to note that all this time Zhang continued driving…
“Well… maybe not!” – was the unexpected answer.
“ :!: :?: Okay… Then let it be just the second birthday gift.” – Zhang was visibly angry – “I hope that you like it”. And for the rest of their way back home they didn’t exchange a word.

So far the situation seems very banal. But this is an example of how little things can cause big troubles if people don’t take in account the expectations of each other.
Fortunately, later Daisy and Zhang found time to sit down and talk about what happened. So, from my friend’s words, let me re-play this scene once again (this time adding some information which was omitted before).

Generally speaking, Daisy’s boyfriend loves her very much and really wants to marry her. But… let’s say – he is not very confident. Even though he and Daisy live for a long time together, he acknowledged that while planning the marriage proposal he felt quite worried to be rejected. And this was in spite of having conversations with his girlfriend about their possible family life in the future.
As Zhang himself later explained, he was thinking about many romantic and creative ways to make the proposal. But as Daisy birthday’s eve was approaching (the day on which he planned to “break the silence”), he became less and less satisfied with any of the options. Add to it the constant pressure he lately had at work and you will understand his condition.
Finally, he decided to do it in a “by-the-way” manner so that in case of possible rejection he would feel less stress (cause anyway the proposal would be just half-serious).
Unfortunately, it indeed happened as in a self-fulfilling prophecy…

Now put yourself in Daisy’s place. Although she said that she had no idea what kind of surprise her boyfriend was preparing – I think that at least she hoped for proposal to be made. But the way in which Zhang did it – was it the one she dreamed of? Definitely, not!
Daisy always used to say that she didn’t want a rich husband – she dreamed about common life with her beloved man. And that man for her was Zhang. She didn’t want her life to be filled with fireworks. Common and happy life was more than enough.
However, there was one little dream. Maybe it was a kind of those nostalgic visions that all girls have since the times when they believed in fairy-tales. She wanted her marriage proposal to be special and romantic – something that she could later boast about to her friends and tell to children and grandchildren. Ahhh…
But instead of romantic poems from “charming prince”, she heard awkwardly muttered understand-it-as-you-want words from her unshaved boyfriend while he was driving the car.

Well… sometimes men and women just can’t understand each other. But I know that my friend is a happy girl and she is not going to lose her boyfriend’s hand because of one little misunderstanding. However, both she and Zhang now can only regret about the lost opportunity to create a wonderful memory which is given to each couple only once. :sad:

So, what kind of advice can I give to the guys who plan to propose to their girlfriends?
I think that three words can describe the mental state required from men in order to make the marriage proposal: SINCERITY, CREATIVENESS and COURAGE.

Maybe the authors of the following proposal instructions were more playful than serious but before making a marriage proposal it won’t harm to

Make sure you are truly in love, and the woman you are going to ask for your hand in marriage is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with and raise your children.

Too often, in my opinion, people make commitments due to inertness rather than after having a serious thought – but it’s not the topic of this post.

If you read my articles about the art of loving, you remember that one of premises for true love is the skill of concentration. It definitely lacked in Zhang’s case who made proposal while driving the car and even didn’t look into his girl’s eyes.

And, of course, surprise must be surprise. It was mistake to give the hints. I understand, however, that this was just another symptom of lack of confidence – that’s why I mentioned courage as one of the qualities required from a man who is going to propose.

If you want to know how Chinese men handle such situation you can read an instructive post written by my fellow blogger Jocelyn. From it you can learn that lucky numbers are very important when you consider how many red roses to give to your beloved (in which case 99 would be better than 100).
One guy – whose example I wouldn’t advise you to follow – even thought that 9999 is better. :lol:

After all, as one can conclude from the video below – no matter how considerate you are – there are no guarantees that your proposal won’t be turned down ;-) .

In the end – to those of my readers who plan to make this important step I wish that you make it as perfect as possible and, of course, receive the answer “YES”!

Already said her “yes”, Crystal Tao