The One Night Stand Etiquette

One night stand : Etiquette

One night stand : Etiquette

 

Have you ever heard of the term one night stand etiquette? It shouldn’t be a term unfamiliar with the west of the world, however, it seems a taboo in the current Chinese society and actually from what I have witnessed, observed and experienced, there’s a lack of it in Hong Kong, the cosmopolitan I am currently residing in and loving.

 

Not that I am still the sleeping-around wild colleague girl, like a bimbo of a typical teen movie or a simply a sorority girl. At least, if I am sober enough I learn to control. Alcohol is evil, evil.

 

A few years back, when I first read this book called Fabulous Girls Guide to Decorum, soon after a traumatic breakup with my ex boyfriend, I first realized that there should be some etiquette for one night stand (ons)too. Believe me or not, I actually stayed sexually inactive for a good whole year. (I’m amazed of myself too). And then when I got back to the market, I encountered guys from all walks of life (not really all, at least no construction workers or plumbers of that sort). Whenever I walked out of a guy’s place or waking up next to a person I barely know (I’m still living with my parents so I don’t invite guys over), the idea of one night stand decorum kept popping up into my mind. Some guys do have some etiquette and some really don’t. I’m not setting a standard or looking for quotation to legitimate my opinions, but purely sharing my opinion.

 

Let’s cut the topic of the guys you saw a potential before you stupidly going over to his place and ruining the whole bright future of a relationship. Just focus on the ‘I’m drunk enough and can’t careless’ or the ‘I’m horny enough and all I care is just a fuck’ type of ons.

 

When you woke up, will you talk to the guy next to you? Or just wait till the guy is up? It’s hard to generalize some rules. Here’s my suggestion:

1) Act light

don’t go on and on over that I haven’t never done this before. Don’t act like you are totally guilty, ‘I shouldn’t have done this. I am a good girl.’ (believe me, I’ve tortured myself already and I am talking from experience). Face the fact, you are an adult and it’s 21st century. Who still gives a shit about ons? When he wakes up, you just say good morning with a gracious smile. Give him a kiss, if that leads to another mind blowing session, let it be. Morning sex is already a nice way to start out a day. Engage him with light hearted talks, but leave out the gossip of the people you know (he barely knows you, and he’s not that particularly interested in what happened to your friends). If he’s not a morning people, get up. It’s time to go home.

 

2) Don’t expect anything

to me, I let myself down way too many times thinking there was a connection in there, but in fact, there wasn’t. it’s just an ons. It’s not necessarily a beginning of a relationship. And if the relationship is based on an ons, you have to handle with extra care, coz you two might get far too physically before you two mentally click. Never really heard any fairytale of ons-turn-great-love from outside of the movies.

 

3) Get what you need (not greedy type)

it’s hard to put this together. When you wake up with a hangover, you are desperate in need of some water or food. Ask the guy to bring you some or go straight to the fridge and bring him some water if he’s still asleep. I don’t know if you have the same problem or not, but I definitely have some orienting problem. So I must ask a guy to escort me out to get a cab or something. Of course, I will graciously accept if he offers to drive me.

 

4) Numbers

it’s the inevitable question. If the guy doesn’t ask you for your number, he’s totally not into you. But it’s kinda rude. I am still mad at that guy who never asked me for my number. Don’t offer to give yours or ask for his, if you are not that ‘I pick my guy’ type of gal. If he does ask your number, don’t expect him to call. Save his, if the sex was good and his place was nice, save it for future booty calls. (evil smile here. Not that I do booty calls. At least, I keep my options open)

 

5) Goodbye kiss

no matter if you are into this guy or not; he’s ugly or not, it’s polite to leave him a kiss (a light one on the cheek will do, unless you want to leave an impression. In that case, you might want a lingering one on the lips) before you two head onto your own way. Maybe your path will never cross again, but after all the intimacy, you have to at least show some appreciation.

 

6) Followup

if you are not interested, just send him a message (seriously, I am not comfortable to call guys), thanking him for having you over. Or add one more ‘see you around’. If you are interested however, it totally depends on how you make your approach. You can wait for his call or take the initiatives to call or sms at the night (according to some articles, calling right after you get on the taxi shows you are desperate). Start from there. (actually, I don’t really buy the ons turns to a relationship idea, coz I failed terribly before. Maybe you are better in this game than me).

 

Guys, here what I want you to do. The etiquette I want to see in a guy:

 

1) Keep your house tidy

it’s a total turn off when a gal waking up in a terribly messy room with rats around.

2) Make the mood

if you two a sober enough, open some wine, light some candle and turn on your stereo for some light music. If you are a pro-gamer or simply a life enjoyer, you should have all these handy.

3) Hold her to her sleep

even though it’s a brief encounter, both of you are seeking company and warmth. If you are in this situation together, be generous, share some warmth. I bet you need this too.

4) Offer water (breakfast if possible)

say good morning and offer her some water. Everyone needs some water after a long night of workout (even when it’s a short one).

5) Start up with some light hearted talk

6) Don’t go too straight

be gracious, the gal offered the night. Even though you are not interested, ask for her number. (she might expect your call. But after a while of waiting, she will give up). Don’t give that kind of “I am not ready to settle down” shit (gals don’t get this and will totally take it personal). One time, the guy I slept with went like , ‘when we are out of the house, we will keep distance. Public affection isn’t my thing’. I was so mad and hurt when I heard this, humiliated even.

7) Walk her down

that basic etiquette I am looking for in a guy. The gal is fragile enough when she wakes up next to a stranger and probably with a bad hangover. Don’t expect her to have a strong sense of direction. Walk of shame isn’t quite nice. Make her day easier. You never know when you will be bumping into each other again. Give her a goodbye kiss. If you are interested, set up a date or call later that day. If you are not interested, just go like’ Thank you for coming. I’ll see you around’. That’s it. Gals tend to think too much and get emotional involved too easily. At least, that’s the best you can do.

Okie, I have to admit that most of the ons I had are not local hong konger. Some guys have better etiquette, some don’t. It has not direct relationship to their nationality, more to his upbringing.

 

Still, I am not doing a qualitative research. If any of you want to take up this challenge, go for it.

 

Here are some funny ref from “Fabulous Girl’s Guide to Decorum”( K. Izzo and C. Marsh) – imaging the ons happens on a saturday:

  1. he calls Sunday night, adter dinner = he’s keen on you and definitely wants to start something up.
  2. he calls by 2 pm Monday afternoon = he wants to sleep with you again, or at least keep his options open.
  3. he calls Sunday afternoon as soon as he gets home = he’s desperate. It’s too soon to call. Everyone needs a little space after the first night.
  4. he calls on Wednesday, any time of the day = he’s not really interested at all but is starting to think about the next weekend
  5. he calls on Friday night at about 11:30 = booty call.

 

That’s it. That’s what matters. (Loved the Mac TVC)

8 comments to The One Night Stand Etiquette

  • free4tonkz

    Well, I’m a guy, the one that you’ll see in the club with casual clothes, sneakers, long coloured japanese style hair, some earrings and came along with 4-5 of his friends.. pretty much your normal boy “thinks he’s cool and with a hot ride that his father bought for his birthday looking for ons” type of guy LOL..from what I experienced all the girls wanted and deserved the same..
    For most, agree with you, but I have a few tips too if you don’t mind

    GIRLS :
    1. Like she said, act lightly..just take it easy, really..if you girls wake up first it helps us guys too if you start a conversation even the most basic one like “what time is it?” just to wake us up. That way it won’t be awkward for us guys because we barely know you too..hahaha. Even BETTER if you DO remember our name, guys will be most appreciated to this than the ones that ask who?where?how? first thing in the morning and drowned in your own confused world.really, it’s annoying. Don’t be silly, we won’t get mad after a night with you. To put it in a simple way, no kids will get mad after his mom bought him candies, he will smile until they get home or he will asks for some more =)) well, most of us though except the psychotic ones -_- it’s a really different group, the one that sent you home humiliated too belongs to this one. And I’ve seen worse, so cheer up!!=D

    2. Yup, on the spot!! Don’t expect anything, and just don’t. For me and most of my friends, we DO asked numbers.. but just for the sake of basic ettiquette and behavior. Nothing less, nothing more. I do, and will always believe that 95% guys just won’t give a chance for ons turning serious relationship. Well, actually we didn’t even think of it from the start even just a little bit..unless western minded guys that just got home from study abroad, or if you’re a reaaaallly pretty girl with angelic voice, superb skill, wakes up early in the morning making breakfast. LOL too heavenly. If not, then don’t. you will only hurt yourselves

  • free4tonkz

    3. When you want something (water, food, etc) please ask first if you can, wakes up the guy is okay than go searching for yourself
    It’s faster, and better way too about the etiquette
    Some guys like me couldn’t careless even if you go treasure hunting in my house, you can go look all you want hahaha
    BUT, some guys just don’t like it. And they may get mad. Really, just ask girls…….it’s all for your own good

    4. How can I say this? It depends…
    Good guys : offer to drive you home. Or at least pay the cab if you insist to take a cab for some reasons (told your parents that you stayed at female friend’s house, your boyfriend is waiting for you somewhere, afraid he will see you driven home by a guy, etc). Tell you to be careful on your way home. Ask for your number. May text or call you(may ask you to call/text him instead when you got home)for etiquette and behavior, or maybe friendship too. I’ve got many friends this way, sometimes went booty. But keep in touch as friends, even when we had our own lover. Still talks to each other when we got problems, asking for solution between friends up till today.. =) This is may seems too good to be true for only ons. But really, a good guy does, and of course a good playboy that you’ve seen in the club with a table full of girls and he was the only man making “like a boss” face to the rage men faces around him too. Lmao, nuff said
    Girls DO and always will like this kind of “warm attentions” after a night together. Well, who doesn’t?
    Even just for a little, or even if it just “fake attention” to make her happy. It’s polite, and will be a win-win solution in every angle. Moreover, if you want to ask for “extra round” lol
    No girl wants to be treated like some rags, unless a psycho masochist
    Normal guys : may ask/may not for your number. May only call at weekends for company. Contact you only when they need you (you know what I mean). Most of guys do this, and mostly won’t even bother to wait for you sobered up. They will call a cab almost immediatelly, ask you to go home fast, with some made up reasons like his mom will come home in 1hour blabla yadayada bullcrap. It’s typical….
    Psycho guys : be careful girls, the world isn’t just a silver lining. This type of guys act like you’re some kind of cheap hooker or used tissue to throw out that they don’t want to see again. Will talk rude, act rude, won’t even bother to walk you down nor drive you home, without little shred of thanks, they go as far as chase you out of their place as soon as they wake up. But still, it is the BEST of these guys.. Wanna know the worse? Well, actually there are, and really are those type of guys that ask for your number. Call you, make promises to go to the club together. When you go he will introduce you to his friends. While it may seems so normal, well….next time you wakes up will be with one of his friend or maybe with them both. This type only see woman as an item, so he will be passing you up to his friend just like a rotating trophy. Most likely he have told all of his friend about the night before with you. And one of his friend wanted to “try” you so he set up the “meeting”. Girls will never ever ever understand why they do things like this. And just don’t bother to, because you just won’t understand forever… Just be careful please, one of my friends is still traumatized till now because of this. The WORST part is many people will think of you as a slut(yes, boys do the gossip thingies too but the topic is mostly sluts/girls that they think as one/girls they branded as one trade between friends) , when you’re actually not. You have been WARNED!!

  • free4tonkz

    5. Agreed, goodbye kiss is the best. At least most guys will see you go with a sincere smile if you gave them a goodbye kiss. Not pretend that you don’t know each other. I’d prefer a light one the lips though…=D

    6. Ah, this…. Well, actually.. just text what you want, and careful with the contents. Dont call.
    Texting after you got home to tell him is a good choice. Because it gives you a good reason to text, gives you a flow to asking questions without awkwardness and wont looks like desperately interested with him. It usually, but not always written “I’ve arrived at home, thank you for your care. What r u doing right now?” Normal guy will reply with smile emoticon no text or dont reply at all
    Good one will reply with some light conversations then see you/until next time/take care/i will text you later/some others honey coated language it just for beating around the bush and being polite towards a girl. Don’t take it seriously

  • free4tonkz

    For GUYS :

    1. Tidy is good, but a nice scent is important too… make sure sprayed your room with some fragrant aroma, it wont be a funny thing if your room smells like a dead rat. And DO make sure to hide your “personal belongins or weird collections” if you’re a guy you must now what this is about..lol

    2.wine and homemade coctails are good. But know your own limit, you dont want to get in some kind of “mess”, and you really dont. It definitely will turn you off if you have to sweep out some vomit. PS : if you’ve been through this, and she puked right on your face, trust me we are brother in arms
    Normal white candle is a super no no, within a full ac room with no air circulation from outside…..just think of it when you lit normal candles with those black smoke, like kaohsiung smoked pig lmao
    What about aromatic relaxing candle? Well, it’s good if the “guy smartly enough” have litted it before and the scent is still lingering
    But a newly lit one’s scent is stronger and some people just cant tolerate too strong smell while drunk. And that means…..really, just let the girl sleep already guys…her throat must be hurt a lot, give her a glass of water, cold one if you want her to sober up a bit, let her drink, and let her sleep… she’ll be too tired even for only just mere warming up, mostly dead like a fish with some fishy barf’s smell, show some pity to her. I know no normal guy will still be in a mood for “it” after all that “lunch and dinner party”. Lol
    Just hold your little boy till morning..hahaha
    Stereo=OWNING!! Just dont play avenged sevenfold, linkin park, super junior, BIGBANG, david guetta, or the likes of them.
    Use your brain please guys, seriously….

    3. It’s always nice when you got something to hug until you fall asleep, no?
    It’s even better when she hugs you back, though a bit cramped and stuffy sometimes
    But her smell actually makes you sleep more soundly, it’s magically relaxing..lol true
    Just try to pat her head or play with her hair gently. It’ll be 3pm afternoon just before you realize it. I didnt even dream!! Its just like zappp… eh it’s afternoon. I dont know why, but it always works in my case,,hopefully you too

    4. Well, it’s a common knowledge. C’mon guys, even the cheapest hotel gives free mineral water
    Don’t you have at least a bit of consience? I bet you must be hungry too. Tell her that you’re hungry, and ask her to grab some grub. Remember, a woman will NEVER tell a man she just met a half day ago that she is really hungry and thirsty. And EVEN if you ask her, 80% of women will probably answer “no, it’s okay” or “not really, im still full”
    LOL.. just use your logic, really think normally like a normal human being and ask her to accompany you eat because you’re really hungry. 99% girls won’t refuse because with that way they won’t lose their pride.. =D

    5. Ask her about petty little things like, where she lives, her hometown, work/school/college, etc. Just ask, the answers maybe insignificant things for you and you may probably forget all including the questions as soon as you change your clothes. But the questions are really that matters.it shows that you may have some interest in her. Dude, give her a little happiness, she’s been giving you one all night long… -_- dont you know what is a give and take?
    And it’s even better if you actually remember all those tiny-not-so-important useless chatters because you may not know what lies in the future, so better have some positive investation right? Who knows you might get to use this trump card (informations from those bed chitchats) and as you all know, women tends to MELT over these things..

  • free4tonkz

    5. Ask and keep her number. PERIOD.
    Why? Because its all plus and no minus at all!!!
    What’s the minus of a pretty girl that slept with you last night, and will do again if you ask and play your card right. Use your trump cards, they’ll be pretty much your f*ck buddy/booty buddy/whateva you name it. Or you can be just friend, many friends = many connections = happy life
    When you are lonely at weekends, many friends = many options to choose/go
    Welll, so much advantages from just asking a number (and better if you reply her texts, it deepens connection, or so she’ll think)
    So why not? You don’t like f*ck buddy?
    Eh, either you are an absolutely faithful christian or you maybe a disgusting gay faggots…. -_- just go die if you’re the latter, nobody cares

    7. Ah from personal experiences… A guy saying “thank you for coming” snt good. It make the girl feels weird like a girl from some massage parlor that’s been called for home service and being thanked for her services lollll
    3 girls said different things with almost the same point..hahahaha
    So it’s better for guys to use see you around, take care, i will contact you later, text me later or some things like those

    My apologies if I somehow offended someone
    This is just my opinions from a guy perspective
    And facts based on real life experiences
    And this is all are true, from a party-animal college dropout guy that lives alone in a house and his parents currently living overseas
    So my live is just prettty much just sleep, party, ons,eat,poopoo,sleep

  • Neha Malik

    Nice Article…I Love It.

  • luckylaowai

    There is nothing more brutal than waking up with a hangover next to a girl who speaks no English. What wasn’t so awkward at 3am at the bar is extremely so in the bright light of day.

    I have a question for you Crystal. Yes or no…

    Should one keep a supply of basic items around for these situations? I mean a spare toothbrush, contact case and solution, a female sized pair of house shoes, that sort of thing. Does that come off as considerate, or does it come off as sleazy player?

  • Ana Alves

    There´s more and more websites on the web which could take a date with every possible girl!! the society are acepting more this type of date nowadays and you must see the growth of one-night stand websites and people say that like to used it!!

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