Come for my home, I make onion soup!

Our western "gift" to be able express more explicitly have also its back sides it seems as we are perhaps also more open to bring up unpleasant discussions, which I unfortunately just recently experienced with a Shanghai girl, not a typical SH princess I would consider but seems like everybody in that city gets stained by its lifestyle and attitude.

Though I have only recently started to express my feelings for this particular girl we have been in touch for a long time, but with more serious feelings also arises suspiciousness and jealousy initially as one gets more attentive to whether a potentially new partner is of good material.

It's totally a different thing to be just friends, most people don't care what others are doing as long as it doesn't hurt themselves, in a relationship however we want to be assured we can trust our partner and along with it there will always be some doubts initially before two people learn know each other better, but some think they should be trusted automatically from the very first day, it's quite naive one would think we should just trust every new stranger we get acquainted with without any consideration. There is also something called "healthy jealousy", a google search will bring up millions of hits but for some it may be no known, it is a know fact a little bit of jealousy is just healthy but some would turn it to their own ego belief they have been hurt by not being trusted despite it is a very good indicator the partner is seriously interested in you, on the other hand, a cheater NEVER worries about anything and consequently NEVER would question their partner.

Well, what happened between me and my almost to be new gf, I ordered flowers for her and the day the flower deliver company was supposed to make the delivery for some weekend ago didn't went as planned and I was informed she was "outside Shanghai" but they could make the delivery to her work on Monday, later that day I saw her on the chat so I asked her "how is the weather in SH"… well you get the point now, she was in SH, at home, and the weather was nice. lol

So I felt upset by that and started to question her whereby she explained she used to receive the flowers at her workplace which didn't make me happier and our chat session went short for that day. Actually, I contacted the flower deliver company again and asked them whether it's common in China the girls would receive the flowers at work, and to my surprise the company told it is a common thing which was something I didn't expect.

The next day she was online again, greeted on her but no reply, after one hour came a longer reply where she explained shortly she had been thinking about us and in fact had some serious thoughts of having a relationship with me and so on… and also mentioned she didn't feel good about not being trusted, despite her politely written message one could feel she was quite upset with me for not trusting her, she was clearly hurt and the the hurt feelings had turned into anger and a sudden break up. These sudden silent tantrum decisions to break up so suddenly without any mature discussions didn't make me happy at all, I tried to communicate to no avail and she has been "off-line" since then, any mature adult wouldn't walk away without having a fair discussion between two parties.

After this interesting episode I was reminded of an interesting article I read for couple of weeks ago WHY Chinese people are divorcing and surprisingly high up on the list comes such as "divorcing of trivial reasons", people have different opinion and can't stand it and divorces on the spot, suddenly I was reminded of my supposed to be new gf's very sudden break-up and the lack of ability to discuss unpleasant matters.

http://www.echinacities.com/ch…..vorce.html

I wouldn't be surprised this has a LOT to do with the one-child-policy, children brought up as the only one without any siblings never get the chance to take into consideration the feelings of the absent sibling, never have to share anything, never have to compete about parents attention, never encounter on not being trusted by an absent sibling and so on and on and on and the list goes on…. no wonder these kids when they grow up many of them become more incapable to handle typical relationship issues, namely, to deal with all the things they never had to learn because of the absent sibling in a one-child-policy family. The one child policy and it's drawbacks has been written about elsewhere too, just google it. The article above is a proof of what is happening with the younger post 80's generation in China, thank you Mao Ze Dong & Co.!

@}–;—

Bairen – many Chinese girls and women behave in a very Childish fashion (sorry Crystal, but  say what I think) and it's very annoying.  Shanghai girls do this to a fine art.  I have talked to grown women in their 30's who adopt baby-voices and act like kids in order to get attention.  It's tiresome, highly irritating and not the least bit attractive in any shape or form.  Shanghai 'men' love it though – They think it's 'lovely'.  There is a word for this behaviour in Chinese, though I forget it now.

My advice with the girl that's put you on hold.  Put her on ignore.  Do not contact her at all.  ALL Shanghai girls behave like this and it's very juvenile, but Shanghai girls are often proud of their ability to behave like this.

What is kind of weird is that you could meet a girls from a small town in Zhejiang or Jiangsu very near to Shanghai and her mental maturity could be much higher than a Shanghai girl the same age.

Ziccy, maybe you're looking for "sajiao"? (撒娇) usually translated as "acting like a spoiled child" which doesn't really cover it for me; it kind of includes this "cute" child-like behavior. My 50-something SO does this sometimes, but I know it's in her culture to do so, so it doesn't bother me (though it also probably doesn't work on me like it would on a Chinese man either). 

It's definitely a difference though; sometimes I like it (it can be very playful) but sometimes it's just too "cute" for an adult. (looking back, I wish my American ex-wife had been more playful with me)

I'd like to remind everyone that speech is a kind of act; so, the "actions versus words" statements are overdrawn. Rather, we should include many kinds of actions to express our love, not just words; and people in different cultures do this in different ways. I don't at all think Western men don't "act out" their love; they just don't do it in ways the Chinese understand. I've learned to ask about her parents' and siblings' health a lot, and express concern for her being too tired sometimes, and remind her to get more rest, etc., and fill her plate and glass when they are empty, etc. -- all ways she understands that I express caring. I was also a very caring husband to my American (now ex-) wife, but in completely different ways. I think the Chinese way might be boiled down to just paying close attention to her and finding ways to let her know she is deep in your heart and always on your mind.

For a Chinese woman, if a Western man can use his own cultural upbringing and express love in the ways he knows how to (including speech), *and* learn how she wants to have love expressed through other kinds of actions, it's a double win for both parties.

Ziccawei, that being the case it could be useful to tell the truth and let them know that you 'love' having sex with them, and 'love' being with them in that moment.  Any more than that is hardly going to be true though is it?  This childish hope for declarations of love to the unknown partner is simply a fantasy, bringing frequent dissappointment up to an art form in some cases.  Hardly any different to waiting at home in front of the TV for the wealthy man bearing the keys to a gift BMW.

Of course you can just tell them what they want to hear, even if it is untrue

This whole idea of what they guy must buy and have in assets before he can even consider looking for a wife is just ludicrous.

It is creating a highly unusual social phenomenom in Shanghai and Beijing.

There seems to be no stop to it – Chinese girls seem to be very stubborn about their demands.

Lets see what happens in five years time or so, poor things. 

In Shanghai there are over 1 million shengnu – doesn't this sound off any warning alarms to younger chinese girls?  It seems not.

China has created a belief system based entirely on money and money only.  It seems that everyone is trying to get some.

This whole notion of the guy buying a house and having a car – I hear Chinese girls come up with bullshit that this is a strong part of Chinese culture.  wtf?

It will end with many young women at the age of 30 alone and no chance of getting married.  Any Chinese girl that says that it's ok to get married after 30 is full of -beep- – Chinese guys like young women and that means under 30 not above.  This whole house-buying thing before marriage will end in tragedy for many people.

It's great, isn't it?