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Conservative girlfriend
February 1, 2012
6:19 pm
Dev
Member
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
February 2, 2012
Offline

Hello everyone,i have a problem with my new chinese girlfriend.Well,not exactly a problem between us,but i need to understand culture diferences.Im from Spain and until Spring Festival I was in China.I was meeting with the friend (girl) of one good chinese friend(boy) that i knew him in Tianjin.More or less 2 months ago he introduced me to his friend as someone friendly,easy-going,and trust-worthy and since that moment i have being meeting with her in companion of anothers at first and with her alone in the campus and another places,as friends.

 

She is studying english interpretation and translation in the uni and she’s 21 still,and im 24.As you can see,english isnt my mother tongue,but we communicate with it.In the end we met lot of time and lot of days and step by step we become loving each other,so in the end,before she had to return to her home for the Spring Festival,we started a relationship.

 

Nowadays im communicating with her in QQ and Skype,her parents and family in general aprobe the new relationship and told me to invite me the next year to go to her home.Well,the problem is that recently she told me she is conservative,and i should respect her way to be and act in the relationship.That happened after i told her that i love her before saying goodbye,as in another days.Another days she was used to become a little shy and tell me the same or more but today she told me that,after telling that we know our feelings in our hearth,its not neccesary to say. I can understand i cant kiss her in public,altough its a goodbye or hello kiss(normally i would do it short),and i have to do it in private.But im afraid it can mean more things.

 

For example,I have asked to my parents about that and they remember,specially in the spanish dictatorship,there were lot of traditional acts,but now they are just a thing of the past,at least for a big % of people,except some catholics.

 

But i understand there are also culture diferences between us so maybe the spanish old traditional ways arent the same than the chinese in general.Of course i asked her but that subject happened very late there when she was going to sleep,so she didnt know how to explain well.I dont like to generalizate,mmm,but what should i keep atention?What should i do not do?We are going to meet in few weeks and i shouldnt mess up;or ask her all time what i can do or not.

February 7, 2012
8:39 am
denniscarman
Georgia, Vermont
Member
Forum Posts: 91
Member Since:
November 18, 2010
Offline

Hello

You understand your culture and it probably really can not be blamed on the dictatorship completely same thing in China. 

You should be thankful that she is conservative.  My wife was also conservative.  I like that and it’s a good thing.  It will serve you well in the future .


Over time my wife decided on her own to hold my hand in public and even give me a quick kiss, even though it’s not normally done in public.  But with time we fell very much in love.  I think at some point in her mind decided that we would be together forever and then it was ok. 

The flip side of the coin is that had my wife held my hand and kissed me in public before she felt that we would be together forever, she would have had to answer to people that knew her and friends.  That would have been very embarrassing for her. 


Does that help a little.   Sounds like a very good woman.


Dennis :)

February 11, 2012
6:25 pm
Dev
Member
Forum Posts: 2
Member Since:
February 2, 2012
Offline

denniscarman said

Hello

You understand your culture and it probably really can not be blamed on the dictatorship completely same thing in China. 

You should be thankful that she is conservative.  My wife was also conservative.  I like that and it’s a good thing.  It will serve you well in the future .


Over time my wife decided on her own to hold my hand in public and even give me a quick kiss, even though it’s not normally done in public.  But with time we fell very much in love.  I think at some point in her mind decided that we would be together forever and then it was ok. 

The flip side of the coin is that had my wife held my hand and kissed me in public before she felt that we would be together forever, she would have had to answer to people that knew her and friends.  That would have been very embarrassing for her. 


Does that help a little.   Sounds like a very good woman.


Dennis :)

 

Yes,any comment with respect really helps Smile.Maybe i should tell that on Spain there were a republic and the army rised,in favour of the protect of the traditionalism ,habits,church and more things.As you know,they won the civil war and there was a dictatorship over 40 years.In that period of time, the etnic and the morality were in favour of the old catholicism and against any new change or tend,mainly for another countries of Spain as France,or even from the United States.

 

Well,just to finish the class of history.I comment that based on the circumstances of the history of my country.I know that the case of China is different,with the ancient way of think and act.However,the girlfriend believes in equality,being useful not as another housewife.Instead of that,to work,and more believes that are in some way as she says,democratics and fairs.

 

I can understand in a place near her home,or places that there can be people that can recognize her,is correct to dont do these things,but she talks in general.No kiss in public,anywhere;hugs allowed in public-to me is more strange to hug than to kiss someone Laugh- or even -beep- after marriadge Yell.

 

The another day told me about to think in a possible plan to do this summer.Mainly was to visit Shanghai and the nearest cities as Hangzhou,Huzhou,Wuxi,Suzhou…and then go to Xiamen.Before going so far,she told me that she can sleep in her home or in her family homes around Shanghai,but maybe i would have the problem to sleep in a hotel alone…Well,i consider thats unfair,but then she told me after being in that way some days,we could go to Xiamen and the nearest cities around.In her view,she consider Xiamen as something romantic.However,we would be sleeping in the same room but in different beds.And i dont know if i can consider it fair…well,if she comes to Spain,i would invite her to my home,but if im there,i have to pay the hotel myself,and then visit a romantic place,but just a city in the beach;meanwhile on Spain there are dozens of good beaches…

 

Another problem can be her parents.They might not let her go out at first,and they wont be against me if i work in China.What a casuality that my parents think the same…And i have luck that im not black also…

 

And by the way,i dont know if before summer i will be living in China,despite of travel there on march.So imagine to do that summer trip with the plane from Spain.She is in the 3rd year and i can understand she cant safe much.Another thing is that she prefer to do the things AA,or fifty fifty.I wouldnt have much luck if im a friend of her,coz i would  have to invite her in lot of things,but as boyfriend no.

 

Emm,just my case seems to be hard.I like what she says sometimes but after her way to see the relationship,and her summer trip…i dont know if i can say its fair or not.At least,for me no.

 

Btw,you can suggest me another places to visit.Maybe the summer trip is around 10 days,and she should be studying to do IELTS in that time…Any suggestion,or opinion in general will be wellcome Wink.Thanks for reading me.

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