Need a little more info guy. How old is she? Is she straight up Chinese? Like the traditional kind? If this were China you probably should have sent her a text message a few hours after the date. Don't be nervous about calling her. That's why she gave you her number. I think she's super interested in you. What kind of person sits around for 4 hours with someone they don't like? Keep emailing and ask when would be the best time to call. Couldn't hurt. Or call her whenever you read this post. Don't be overly cautious. If there's one thing Chinese girls like it's attention.

Don't worry Z…I got PLENTY of balls!!

I'm just treading lightly and carefully in unfamiliar territory.  :)

Wandering American,

She is 37 and has been in the U.S. since about 2001 was divorced in 2007, she came here to get married.

She's been here awhile but I'm sure holds on to some of the traditions ?? dunno. (That's why I am treading carefully).

I did text after the date.

I did email and asked when the best time to call would be…she has been telling me she appreciates that I am considerate…Take that Z..sometimes it's more than just balls ;-)

Sometimes a little  finesse is necessary in certian situations.

She said call anytime if she doesn't answer then leave a msg and she will call me back.. so I'm not gonna be a  "Poof" ??   I'll call her tonight.

Thanks for the help Gents!

Hey Mike I appreciate your input but….

let's see….she gave me her email address…we've exchanged 50 emails in the past 2 weeks..gone out on a first date that lasted way longer than usual…

she gave me her phone number at the end of the 1st date…told me to call her.

Your right she deosn't really need a guy…She's a 4th year med. student has pretty much ZERO free time, yet made time for the date (see 50 emails above)..

this is not my first rodeo son, I'm pushing 50 years on the planet dated MANY women, just not many Asian women (They can't be that different when showing interest).

I know how to read between the lines.

And yes I have been in the friend zone before and definately know what THAT feels like.

If I am wrong or right about this…I will post it.

Mark.

But again I do appreciate your input.

MarkD said:

Your right she deosn't really need a guy…She's a 4th year med. student has pretty much ZERO free time, yet made time for the date (see 50 emails above)..

this is not my first rodeo son, I'm pushing 50 years on the planet dated MANY women, just not many Asian women (They can't be that different when showing interest).

I know how to read between the lines.

 

4th year med student? Has she heard about her "Match" yet, that is – residency? She may be moving soon, MarkD, if her residency is elsewhere. You may wish to discuss that with her. I hope, for your sake, that her residency is nearby so you two can continue things. Residency is going to be a VERY stressful time for her – long hours, high stress, new responsibilities, lack of sleep, and preparing for her specialty boards. Depending on her speciality, residency can be from two years to eight or more.

If you can stick with her during all of this, odd are you're set. I can tell you that nearly anyone will need significant emotional support during residency, if nothing else due to the insane hours. I know at least one chap who was in your situation and was "there" for the lady during residency (Internal Medicine). They've been married now for over twelve years now.

The fact that she made time for a date when a 4th year med student, busy with wrapping up her internship, is significant. I wish you well.

Crystal said:

Mark, please don't be offended. I think that your initial post was somewhat confusing.

In this forum we have people from 18 to 70 y.o. From your post we couldn't know your age or age of the woman you are interested in.

Maybe this information could change the evaluation of other commenters.

 

From what you described it seems that the girl is very interested in dating with you. At least this is my opinion. Hopefully, you will soon come back and confirm it. Good luck!

True…oops..I wasn't offended..just my funny way of stating my experience..I'll try to tone it down in the future.

I'm not trying to be offensive.

I do appreciate your response Crystal – Thank you

Hey Mark ……. I have read all of this and I think it is interesting ….. if I may, I would like to bring up the subject of Body Language ……. one thing I have noticed with the Asian girls I have known, is that the body language they display can be different from that of a Western girl …. consequently, this can create confusion for us guys. 

A girl's body language is very important …. and especially her eyes and what you see in them … especially at this point in your relationship with her. Girls always "talk with their eyes" in my opinion ….. so we need to figure out what those beautiful eyes are really telling us ….. (and her eyes will always tell you the truth)

The girl you like is obviously conversational … very important

She is making time for you when she has little available … that is really cool

She is willing to eat a meal with you. That may sound like no big deal to most … but I have noticed that if a person will not eat with you, you do not have a very good relationship with the person, no matter who they are, or how long you have known them,  or how sweet their words are toward you. In fact I consider this one element an acid test. If the girl I am taking an interest in will eat with me, it has always meant that she has true interest in me … every single time. And by the same token, if that same girl stops spending that kind of time with me ….. I know there is a problem ….. 

I have found this to be an honest way to evaluate any human relationship  …. regardless if it is family or friend, or someone at work …. if a person likes you enough to eat with you … it is a compliment and a definite sign of true relational health.

Ok …. sooooo …. back to Body Language ….. so this one time I was at a fast food place and there was this Asian girl sitting with this guy. She might be considered by many to be kind of an "average girl" as Asians go … I mean like she did not look like a super model or anything … she was very petite and so on ….. personally, I thought she was awesome to the 10th power ( !!!! )  So there she is  … sitting with this guy … and she was telling him she LIKES HIM TONS just by the way she sat there with him …..  I might also add that the guy she was with was not displaying positive body language in return to her ….. his body language towards her was opposite in many ways ……  so anyways …. here is what I saw:

– she always maintained direct eye contact with him 

– her eyes were very, very bright and "happy" as she looked at her guy friend

– she unconsciously held her arms up and open as she happily spoke with her guy friend, rather than crossed and looking down and away at the table with her eyes. For her to hold her   arms in that position may have looked a little dorky …. but ….  by doing so, I believe she was exclaiming very loudly that she was very much open to her guy friend 100% …. 

– the guy could not see her legs because of the table, but her legs were not crossed at any time as they sat there together

– she was very happy and smiled a lot …. really a lot

– she laughed at all his little jokes ….  

– she was very cheerful and bright in her overall attitude and, of course … she was very conversational

Mark …. I feel as you do … that for your girl to have spent 4 hours at lunch with you is quite significant …. so as you play back the video-tape in your mind …. what kind of body language did you see? :)  Was she laughing with you often?  

If a girl I like is not laughing with me and I am unable to get her to laugh …. I know I am pretty much history with [that] girl sooner or later. Yes … she may like me and all …. but if there is no laughter taking place in the relationship … in all honestly, I  really do not think there is much going on …. at least in my opinion.  

Another indicator of a truly healthy relationship : you can laugh together often.

I totally agree with you ….. we know that Asian girls do think differently. Therefore we must be very accurate as to how to "read" them; so consequently it can be a very delicate matter at this stage of the game as you work to get closer to your Asian friend ….. So if it was me …. and I was you …. I would be really watching for all the above-mentioned-indicators  …. and if she is willing to do lunch with you again????  I would say that would be a great indication that the friendship is continuing to grow ….. 

As an after-thought …. I have observed over the years that anytime a girl likes me suddenly, she will also at some point suddenly disappear. Every time. Whereas the girls I have known in the past that took a long time to get close to, have also been the most fruitful and long lasting, quality relationships I have known ….. 

Here is an idea …. what is her very favorite thing to eat? Fish perhaps? :)  Has she ever had it cooked on a barbecue? What would happen if you could somehow barbecue some for her at the next lunch date? My Asian girl loves fish but she had never, ever had it cooked on a barbecue before  …. all it took was a couple of bites of that fish and she was hooked ….  the end result of which was that my stock price just went up several points!! :) :)   (I have barbecued for years so I felt confident that I would not assassinate the fish!!)   heheheh!  :)

Mark ….. I hope these comments are helpful to you, and I really hope this all works out for you ….   truly

Hi Mark ….. I am really glad to have your update on the situation ….!! Wow … your Asian friend sounds so fantastic!  I have a funny feeling my posting here is gonna be long … it is because I want you to win.  Details matter to Asians ….. 

OK … sooooo  ….. the very first time I was ever seriously involved with an Asian girl … I was in love with her … but I was utterly lost and confused with her at the same time. Your relationship reminds me of my first encounter with an Asian girl …….  

Here is the thing …. you and I can "read" any Western girl in a nanosecond. We know their body language perfectly, even if we do not necessarily articulate that fact … you know? So then we meet our first Traditional Asian girl ….. and we start getting close to them ….. and it just all seems sooooooooo blasted confusing! :)

My current thoughts …… 

– kinda doubt she is taking any time for any other guy … the time she does have she takes with you (GREAT)

– she trusts you (this we know as you have described how relaxed she is with you … great …. she feels comfortable and safe)

– she had lunch with you again!! (totally freaking awesome!)

– you went into your profile and you changed your status …. I think that was a smart move … and you did it just in time, I would bet. [ has her profile also been modified? ]

– hmmmmmmm ….. the parents ….. this is a delicate situation …. hmmmmmmm …… (Crystal ….. I think we need your input here) …. 

– this might sound crazy …. hypothetically in the event you do meet the parents , you might seriously want to wear a shirt and tie (of high quality) and go get a $50 haircut. The first impression with the parents is utterly critical.  If this event takes place … please be certain to shake the Father's hand with both your hands and bow slightly. Same with the Mother … use both hands and slightly bow just as you release from the hand shake. Do not hug her. Show no physical affection. Expect your girlfriend to act somewhat stoic while in presence of the family members. This is normal behavior on her part …. she is not in a bad mood or anything. It is an honor to be invited to meet her parents and she is showing you affection in this act [ with out words ]  :)   

[ when shaking hands with an Asian person, the only time you use both your hands to shake their hand is when the person you are greeting is older than you. This is an act of respect. Showing proper respect in Asian culture is important ... this is why we see them bow at times] 

Also …. if you do meet the parents and the suggestion is made to go out to eat, I would suggest to pay the bill for everything (with a smile).  You might start making a back-up plan now …. just in case.  Figure out who is making the very best Chinese food in your area —and — who also provides the best ambiance …. take the parents / family there. Now if you want to REALLY  make an impression … go to that restaurant a few hours early and find out who is going to seat you when you arrive. Pick out the best table in the whole place and reserve it. Give the hostess a $20 bill and make sure that when you walk into that restaurant, she greets you by name (as in, Hello Mr. _____ ! We are so happy to see you! Please come this way .. we have your table ready" and seats you at your table.  She (hostess) will understand that this is an important meeting. 

[— Crystal —  is reading this also and perhaps she might want to add her thoughts ? ]  :) 

– The Traditional Asian girls (good girls from good families) will not show affection in public.  We must always remember this … 

– she is spending quality time with you, so it appears that you are definitely going somewhere with her …… seems to me :)

– did you know that if you hand something to a Chinese person, you do it with 2 hands? They do this in China. It shows respect. However they know that this is not our custom here in the West, so they do not expect this of us Western guys ….. but to do this will give you an edge, I would think ….

You mentioned how that your girl can get quiet sometimes ……. yes …. well …. My Asian girl will get quiet with me sometimes ….. at first I felt mildly terrified by this ….. over time I have learned that everything is actually ok. We laugh together about something every day cuz we get along very well and all …… but yes … there are quiet moments where an outsider might think we are not happy with each other or something ….  

I will say this …. you really sound like the kind of man that the Asian girls really aspire to meet. You show respect to her in the little things you do, and I can assure you she notices all the little things …. it is so important to show good manners with these girls and being polite and all …..  

Mark …. ummmmm ….. I am about to say something here and I do not want you to get ticked at me ok???? :)  I want you to win.  Soooooooooo ….. ummmmmmm …… just an idea …. ok? What if you quietly … very quietly …. double or even triple your workouts at the gym …. say over the next 3 or 4 months and REALLY  tune up your chassis? Maybe you are a long time body builder already?  I do not know …. just a thought …. ummmmmm ….. I tend to "think out-loud" rather often …..  Most of us do not do the gym thing and it shows ….  I am the worst offender, by the way.  On this subject … there is a guy by the name of Bill Phillips that has a rather amazing web site called Body For Life …. you might want to give it a look ….. 

Another recurring thought I have is …. will your girl respond to a gift of some sort from you? When I say "gift' I only mean something very small and thoughtful (that is why I thought up the idea of making her some fish to eat yesterday). Only one time have I ever had a girlfriend that just did not care about getting a gift! It was like she thought it was stupid or something …. it really puzzled me. (she was a Western girl) Then I noticed one day that I always had to be the one to carry the conversation all the time when I would see her,  and it got to be like a job every time I was with her …… I loved her immensely, however …. but it did not take long before we went our separate ways …. I am getting off subject … sorry … ok .. sooooooooooo …

Ah! just got another idea:  The Chinese girls do not like coffee too much, right? :)  but they love good tea! :)  Ok … so here is an idea for a small little gift …. can you find some outrageously good tea to give her?  The best I know of is made by FooJoy and it is their Green Tea. Frankly I do not like the taste of it, but ironically a Chinese girl advised me to start drinking it every day. I followed her advice. She had no knowledge of the fact that I had been mildly poisoned with carbon monoxide a month earlier (work accident that OSHA never heard about). So I drank the FooJoy Green tea faithfully for 2 weeks and my mind was like cleared out! Amazing!! :)   So … anyways ….. FooJoy is something you might really have to hunt for … I have only managed to locate it in Asian markets …..  if it was me … I would get a box of it and gift wrap it (perfectly) … then take it and put it inside another slightly larger box … and gift wrap that box! hehehe!  I might even go so far as to follow this process 3 times so that she has 3 gift wrapped boxes (all comprised within a single box) to unwrap! :)  …. so your little gift will become something to laugh about later and also a sweet memory. QUESTION: how many guys would do this kind of thing? Probably not many.  Would your stock price go up again?  I would think so ….. !!!! :)  

So anyways …. I know our Asian friends really enjoy humorous things from us … heck … maybe this silly idea of mine might just turn out to be a real home run ….. I hope so

(remember …. when you hand her the box, do it with both hands)  :)

Every week we must gain ground even if it is just a step at a time ……  The friendship [you have with her] is like a small tree …. we can not water it too much, or too little … and we must observe the health of this tree often as it is still so young …. it also has the potential to become so great ….. 

final thoughts ….. were you pushing too much to say "I like you" etc ???   hmmmmmm …. what did her eyes say at that moment? :)  hmmmmmm …..  she is conservative … she should not show affection in public …. and sometimes the Asian girls in general perhaps act a little hard-to-get????? hmmmmmmmmm …… I think this is why I keep coming back to the little gift idea …..   you are probably ok, Mark  ….. ummmmm ….  the little gift idea just might prove to be an insurance policy for now??? perhaps …. ???

The little small gift idea will say … " I really like you and think of you and esteem you" …. with out words.  :)   cool.

Ummmm … back to the parents and if you meet them:  look on YouTube and see if you can find a language lesson for Mandarin …. learn how to say the following when you meet the parents:  "It is a my pleasure to meet you today"  in flawless Mandarin …..  if you can manage to learn this without your girlfriend knowing you did so …. it will blow her away! MAJOR HOME RUN.  :) :)

I hope this is helpful …. !  looking forward to the next update ….. :) 

MarkD said:

I forgot to tell someting that happened on the date – our 2nd date.

 

She was using an advertisement as a shield against the sun. The ad was of furniture.

She began looking at the furniture then asked me – what color?

So I looked at the page and I pointed to 2 sofas 1 red 1 blue-ish grey.

 

uh….what does this mean?????…If anything.

 

Thanks,

Mark.

Either she was asking you for the English words for the colours or she was asking your preference in furniture colours.

That and it was too sunny outside for her liking.

Oh, Mark – you are overanalyzing