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I am afraid of my girlfriend
April 26, 2011
9:51 am
Garylong
Shenyang China
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Forum Posts: 35
Member Since:
January 9, 2011
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Well I am back,

I can say some are bananas

I have been dating a girl for the last 3 months that I had met 3 years ago,
we met again just out of the blue and we have been getting on very well from the
start, I met her family and they like me very much, but after time, I found the
girl has a very bad temper she can go off over anything for no need, as I am a
church person, I pray for her and over the last weeks she has got better and
not angry at all its been so good but over the past when she was so angry she
would be angry with way I was afraid for my life.

she told me one time if she found me with other girls even common friends
she would kill me, other times she wants to kill me for small things and I can
see in her face it was not just words, after I would ask her why she say it and
she told me she cannot remember what she had said, more and more I was so
afraid for my life.

she told me even her family was afraid of her when she was angry, all the
boyfriends she had in the past would not stay with her over her anger, in the
and I could not make love with her any more I just have no feelings for it I
just don’t want to make love with a angry girl like this,

but as I have told you after I pried for her she has become better and
better, but I have found now she come from a very rich family and had everything
her way, when I say rich she don’t work her family give her over 2000 RMB a
week or if she ask for it she gets it now, I have never got her anything we do
AA with most things but sometimes I try to give her things and she gives it
back to me told me she not a hard luck person and she can pay her own way, one
day I got her a toy plain she loved it she was like a kid but she is 34years
old, but the more I am with her more I feel it’s wrong.

I am very confused with her, A friend I work with told me I need to test her
and find out why she is with me, my girlfriend is now she wants to push me to
make love with her and to be frank after the anger part of the relationship I don’t
have the feeling with her any more, but like her as a friend and be with
her. 

my friend at work told me I can say to my girlfriend I will not have a baby
with her, and I told my girlfriend this and she just told me then her with me
is just a joke.

I ask her why don’t you love me for me or love me to have a baby?

I am even afraid to part with her as if I do she may get angry with me and
do something to hurt me or my work.

I like her mother and father they are the best I have met in china people
they are so good and respecting to me, her father and I think the same in 99%
of things

some weeks ago I meet a common friend and told my girlfriend  I would
meet my friend it’s a girl I know for years as she want to thank me for helping
her with something to do with her mother. my girl friend went crazy but she
know weeks ago I would meet her and other of my friends, and my girlfriend went
to a man that tells you about your life and pay him 3000 rmb to get advice from
him, she told me later the man thinks my girlfriend will think every man will
cheat her even if it’s just friends.

I have many things I want to say here today I like my girlfriend but I don’t
know if its right to part with her or keep trying but the fact is I don’t have
the feeling to make love or even have a baby with her if we marry.

The last days I have a bad cold and need to get some things from the shop
and my girlfriend would not help me she told me it was too heavy to carry a box
of milk as she may break a finger nail or make her hands go dry to do this. I
told her how she can expect to have a baby if she cannot go to the shop to get
a box of milk.

when she come my home she never clean for me, I do it all myself as I did
before I was with her, she cook some times, but most the time she orders take
away for me.

She told me when she was married before she had a house keeper did all for
her and her family pay the keeper. So I can see why she doesn’t like to get in
and do the work.

I don’t need her to do work all the time, but I need her to do some things let’s
face it how many men do all the work in a marriage the woman just sit at the
computer and did nothing all day and just chat and play.

I like her but what I can do I am getting too old to keep looking for other
girls, she told me many times and her family told me many times I am the best
of men they have met. They told me I am very smart and well to do man, I can
stand up to her anger and face her, her mother cried one day as she was told I stud
up to my girlfriend when over the years her family could never.

But I think there is some things we all need to do in life to make a good
marriage. Let’s face it she doesn’t need to work, and she doesn’t want to work
at home she just play qq games and chat to her friends all the time. Her family
gave her a house and a car for her birth day, the house is over 80 m2.

I told her she need to find a part time job and do some things with her
time, but her father told her he would pay her for double what she got a month
from her work.

I know if I was with her in marriage I could have anything, I want but I
need love more and feel safe with the one I love, I don’t want to feel I am
just a sperm bank for her to have mix blood babies.

Can someone help and don’t judge me I am not perfect and she is not perfect I
know, I just want some advice in this what to do next.

Maybe I do love her much but just need a time apart from her, to test the
love.   CryCryCry

April 26, 2011
5:22 pm
Elijah
somewhere
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April 6, 2011
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Holy -beep- dude……..
 

Look I know I'm going to come off as an -beep-, but it's got to be said.

 

Waaaaaaaaaaay to long to keep anyone's interest and your writing style needs some serious work. It's like fighting against an undertow…. just keeps dragging you down.

 

Break your story up into concise points, have a beginning, a middle and an end. Don't repeat yourself, try to vary your vocabulary.

 

Anyways, best of luck to you Gary…. with whatever you're doing or want or want to do or something?

April 26, 2011
5:24 pm
Elijah
somewhere
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Ok, so I felt a bit -beep- for critizing your writing cause in all likely hood you're not a native-speaker. If you are a native-speaker you should be ashamed of your English-level…..

 

I went through and made sense of most of your post after a few read throughs. Here's a few points:

 

1) She has some REALLY REALLY REALLY serious mental problems. I've lived in a household with issues like that and let me tell you that it NEVER gets better you just stop noicing it as much like a bad smell after a while. She needs serious professional help, especially considering that this is a deep-rooted problem from what her family says.

 

2) If you as the male feel threatened physically, then that's a serious problem. Not being sexist, but men do you have greater upper-body strength then women on average. HOWEVER, women who go beserk are many times more likely to use a weapon to assault someone (chairs, dishes, tools, heavy bags, pretty much whatever is closest). Combine that with my first point and there's a serious threat going on, as "Psycho" shower scene threatening……

 

3) You mentioned Mixed-Blood babies. (My wife calls them Half-Bloods, she's too -beep- cute. Although the politically correct term is Mixed-Heritage or Ethnically-Mixed, but I prefer "half-bloods" hahaha) To even think about raising children in that kind of environment, would be a form of child endangerment and a cruelty beyond what most will experience. (I speak from my personal history with a paranoid schizophrenic with bi-polar disorder mother…)

 

 I'm assuming you live in china because her parents give you RMB. Then I further assume that her family is chinese and so is she. Based on those assumptions, if she's talking about half-bloods then you'd have to be non-asian (probably Causian based on statistics). In which case you're most probably a native English speaker…… Please see my first sentence at the very top if my assumptions prove correct.

 

One last thing, how does any of this relate to dating a chinese from a banana perspective?

April 26, 2011
5:25 pm
China Shark Mike
Shenzhen, China
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November 17, 2010
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Dude, you need to distance her like the plague. Have some self respect and walk away. Damaged goods, leftover spoiled cow, she'll never change.Yell

Follow the Path Less Chosen and You Will Reap the Rewards of Life.
April 26, 2011
5:27 pm
GentleGiant
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Forum Posts: 167
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April 18, 2011
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I read it to mean he wants to leave her sometimes, but is afraid her parents will get him fired from his job; either he works for them or they are very influential.

 

Yes, psychotic end of the Spoiled Princess curve, possibly never got any love or affection from Parents, just loads of money and expensive toys thrown at her.

 

It is sad, but it is probably too late for therapy to sort her life out; I know a couple of older women with a similar history, one (Chinese), not as bad as this, but I would still never contemplate marrying her despite the fact she is very attractive and rich, and likes me a lot; the other (English) I lived with for 2 years, most of it trying to find a way to get out, I couldnt even talk to her older, married sisters without her going off the deep end.

(Deep end = 20cm kitchen knife through the chest – or nearly, I managed to deflect it and disarm her)

 

Part of the problem is they will throw themselves at anyone who gives them any attention, and beleive that every other woman behaves the same way, so any attention you give to another woman is a threat.

 

I would talk to the parents, say you are very sorry, but you cannot create a genuine long term relationship with her unless she accepts she has a problem and seeks professional help; be really polite and kowtow, and hopefully when you break it off and she goes bunny boiler on you, people will not accept anything she says as gospel.

April 26, 2011
5:29 pm
WanderingAmerican
USA
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Forum Posts: 624
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December 28, 2010
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Ugh…So you have a bad girlfriend. If you've been reading any of the posts in this forum then you know what you need to do. Grow a spine and dump her.

"Ally" is my girl if you didn't know.
April 26, 2011
5:31 pm
WanderingAmerican
USA
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Forum Posts: 624
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December 28, 2010
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My posts keep getting moved arounddddddddddd

 

Edit from Crystal - sorry, I moved all posts from the one started by Garylong to a new thread…

"Ally" is my girl if you didn't know.
April 26, 2011
7:54 pm
crossroads
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April 20, 2011
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Dump her!!!!!. Stop reading this,set up a meeting with her and dump her.

'Nuff said

April 26, 2011
11:51 pm
ziccawei
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Forum Posts: 523
Member Since:
November 17, 2010
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Ok so lets look at what she is.

 

34 years old, single child, spoilt little princess -beep-, ultra -shengnu with a classic case of narcissistic personality syndrome.

Oh and violent you say?

 

LEAVE HER!!!!!

 

She is rotten.

 

LEAVE HER!!!!!!

April 27, 2011
2:27 am
Bored in Melbourne
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Forum Posts: 540
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November 20, 2010
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Gary,

 

I read this the other way to the others so far.  The problem is you.  You are a desperate man, totherwise you would not even consider staying with a woman like that.  Get some self respect fella!  If you are half the man you have painted yourself to be with your educated accademic background it is high time for you to apply some of that book learning to understanding people.

My take on this is that time and life is passing by and you are feeling a lack of financial success, so you find her strong family wealth attractive and you want to remove yourself from the loathing of feeling less than you want from yourself.  The trouble is that you need to do that for yourself.  Don't think about the short cut to success, that is just lowering yourself to the level of many Chinese girls.  Get yourself in shape physically and mentally don't continue down the path of desperation, it is repeatedly bringing you these unhappy situations.

 

Give up on the praying stuff too, if you want something to happen in life you need to do it, just accept that as fact, nothing else is out there looking after you or directing the grand plan.  Action brings results in life, no naked hope.

 

Gary this girl was single when you met her because all others before you have seen the reality that she has her own issues and she needs to deal with them.  Just because she wants to have sex with you and wants your sperm, as well as having and wealthy family does not change that fact.  Now go sort out your own personal problems and you should find that the person you want will also find you attractive, move on.

April 27, 2011
3:43 pm
GentleGiant
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April 18, 2011
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I think you guys are being a little harsh; how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of all this??

April 27, 2011
4:09 pm
ziccawei
Member
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November 17, 2010
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I would dump her to stop being on the receiving end of it.

April 27, 2011
4:37 pm
ZhuBaJie
Austin, Texas, USA
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Forum Posts: 204
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November 16, 2010
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GentleGiant said:

I think you guys are being a little harsh; how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of all this??


I would hope that I could begin to see the light; sometimes harsh words from others is what it takes to let you know that your own inner thoughts on the topic (which he obviously have) are not insane. 

 

Gary, get out of there. 

April 27, 2011
4:44 pm
Crystal
China / Israel
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January 30, 2010
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ZhuBaJie said:

sometimes harsh words from others is what it takes to let you know that your own inner thoughts on the topic 

The only one who so far was harshly criticised and was able to accept it – was Ken (@kendog) from recent thread.

I think that ability to do so is exceptionally rare. 


April 27, 2011
5:48 pm
JettCatt
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March 20, 2011
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Garylong  …. I have many thoughts to share  …. sooooooooo …. speaking from years of experience, here is what I would do if I was you:

 

1) you are with the wrong girl. Period.  What does this girl bring to the table? I would bet she is a total HOT looking girl? She might even have a good sense of humor (when she is in a good mood)?  Something attracted you to her ….. but what ever it was that caught your attention to be with her, it is not enough to put up with a seriously angry person. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.  

2)  I would bet that there is much more to this story. Does your girl drink? Maybe not every day, but when she does, is it a lot? (Just a hunch)  I have a few friends like this …. they are really sweet much of the time and can be very friendly indeed ….. and then if I say the wrong thing, out of no where comes rage (say on a differing political issue or something) ….. I have distanced myself very far from these "friends"  ….. when is  toxic ever a good thing?  

3) If a girl tells you things like "I will kill you" believe it.  Get out of this relationship at once. She is a flaming control freak. You have no future here with her … NONE.

4) If you marry her, it would be like being in jail the rest of your life.   DO NOT DO IT. WRONG GIRL — WRONG GIRL —WRONG GIRL —WRONG GIRL 

5) I dated a girl kinda like this once …. she grew up with 3 maids in the house all her life. One cooked / did the shopping -- One did laundry / cleaning -- One did deep cleaning and helped the other two maids. I almost forgot to mention there was a full time gardner on staff as well.  That girlfriend never made a bed, never washed or folded clothes, had no clue how to clean a toilet ….. never cooked or even so much as made a cup of tea. She even had her own driver. So what did she bring to the table? She was astonishingly cute, smart and funny. She knew how to party, also.   Long story short, I could tell if I married her, life would be a disaster ….. (and she wanted a baby real bad) …..

She was beautiful. She was fun to be with. However,  she would burn through cash like it was water (from a waterfall!!!).  I loved her, but we parted ways, which I have to say was quite difficult on both of us ….. meanwhile she found a guy that had 10 times my financial resources and by now, I would guess she probably has a child with him ….. there would have been much regret for both of us had we tried to make it together ….. I promise you.  It is quite possible she had a anger issue that was very well hidden ….. but that is conjecture. 

6)  Anger at the level you have described is extremely dangerous. She is using this anger as a control feature with those around her …. and she knows it (and you are her primary target)   GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP

THERE IS A CATCH:  considering the level of danger with leaving her, I would suggest to do so very covertly. Get a new job … one she does not know about in a different city. Get a new apartment lined up also [obviously where the new job is].  Once things are lined-up and you are ready to go ….. wait for the right moment, like when your girl on an extended shopping trip or something when you know you have several hours by yourself ….. grab your clothes and your tooth brush and GET OUT FAST.  Forget about heavy stuff ….. just grab what you can and GO.  —-- there are a million ways to pull this off …. just do it whatever it takes. 

7)  do not get tricked in getting her pregnant. [you are smart enough to figure that out ..... right???????????????????]  

8) you have no future with this girl. PERIOD. yeah … I know you love the relations you have with the parents ….. so what …. GET OUT. (they are wondering why you have stayed this long)

9) The key is …. you must be covert. If your girl figures out what is up, you are going to have huge problems. You gotta play your cards right (be an Academy Award Winning actor) …. sooooooo …. just put your evacuation plan into motion …. and just act totally normal as you do so …….. DO NOT TIP HER OFF no matter what ……    

Pray to God and ask for a little help from above …. it worked before, it will work again.  (could it be that He has directed you to this forum so as to "see the light" and your need to GET OUT?)   

Look … you are a nice guy, ok? You have a heart the size of Texas. There are only a billion other fantastic Chinese girls (that are truly good girls, but the way) that would be delighted to have a guy like you as a serious relationship … go find one …. but until then, get OUT of this Nuclear Fuel Pool of -beep- immediately …. it can over-heat and blow up at a moments notice. 

YOU ARE IN A HIGHLY TOXIC RELATIONSHIP ….. GET OUT

Find a new love …. 

H U R R Y 

April 27, 2011
6:02 pm
ZhuBaJie
Austin, Texas, USA
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November 16, 2010
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Crystal said:

ZhuBaJie said:

sometimes harsh words from others is what it takes to let you know that your own inner thoughts on the topic 

The only one who so far was harshly criticised and was able to accept it – was Ken (@kendog) from recent thread.

I think that ability to do so is exceptionally rare. 



You're probably right, Crystal, I guess I didn't think the criticism on this thread has been that harsh. Stern advice, yes. This is how men talk to each other. Smile
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