February 25, 2013
Sorry for the repost if that applies…
Hi everyone. I am new here. My name is Eric and I live in Minnesota. I'm white and 35 years old.This story which I'm about is a complicated and lengthy one for which I apologise. But it has been burdening my heart for the last 2-3 months and driving me insane. About 4 years ago, I started going to this Chinese buffet called World buffet. Being the fact that I don't cook much and have developed quite the taste for Asian food. Granted, this buffet's food is by no means traditional and in fact probably caters more towards westerners. But that is irrelevant to this story. I liked going to these restaraunts more so for the company of the people. I went there one day and was greeted by a very sweet and beautiful Chinese girl named Vivian. I still don't know how old she is but I'm guessing in her mid 20's. She worked there with her aunt who owned the place and her sister which I came to know later. after sitting down and eating food with my mother, I noticed that Vivian would always smile at me when she walked by and even look back at me from time to time and was always talkative/friendly with me when I would pay for my food at the register. My feelings for her became stronger and stronger ever time I saw her. I decided to myself that this woman has to be mine (granted not posessively). So I started to slowly try to get to know her once a week. But, unfortunately she was always busy and never had a lot of free time to talk. This caused frustration for me and lack of confidence being the fact that I did not know 100% if she liked me or she was just being friendly. So, I gave up. Never had asked her for her phone number or on a date. Doubting myself and afraid of being crushed by the words "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm not interested.
During that time, I met another girl from Burma and I stopped going there for like 2 1/2 years and fell off the face of the planet because my GF at that time knew that I liked Vivian before. And to make matters worse, I went to the buffet with my GF (now ex GF) because she wanted to eat there and was hoping Vivian wasn't going to be working. Well, sure enough she was. Making the whole situation very uncomfortable and awkward. I regret that and felt terrible. And I also ran into Vivian at the post office once again with my GF and tried to not make eye contact knowing how jealous my GF was of her. And I think she saw me and again I felt terrible.
Ok…I really apologize for this ling winded story. Please forgive me but I really feel it's essential to those who care enough to help me so you get the full clear picture. So… Fast forward 2 1/2 years, me and my Burmese GF broke up and half towards the end of our relationship, I was always thinking of Vivian. She had so many more ideal qualities that I really desired. She was such a sweet, humble, noble, and more traditional girl. My ex was more Americanized and started to treat me like she didn't care about me, would ignore me and play video games all night while flirting with one guy in particular through text every night. We became distant with each other and that led to our seperation. Well, this last December I decided to go after Vivian again. Although not expecting much. In fact, I figured she would ignore me or act like she didn't remember me.
So I went in to eat and saw her Aunt first. She remembered me and was happy to see me. I went over to get some food at the mongolian grill (very good btw. Lol). And Vivian came up to me and said "Hi. Long time no see! Look now we have sushi!". She said with excitement. She was always so proud of her resteraunt. She had graduated from Normindale College in MN. For what degree, I don't know. But I'm guessing maybe for something in business. Because it seemed like she had taken on a lot more responsibility and was quite involved with the rest of the kitchen, etc.. So, since then I have been going to visit her and build up repoire with her again. But it has been a slow painful process with small victories. Little subtle things that I see with her that makes me feel like she might have an interest in me. And this is where it becomes a matter of perception and is subject to different people's opinion. At the end of this story, I'm sure some of you will think I'm blind, ignorant, a fool, and maybe think this is a lost cause. Perhaps. Or maybe not. Only time will tell and I'm not willing to give up on her till I have 100% clarity with her. I'm very fond of her and I feel like this girl is meant to be my soul mate. I melt in her presence and I feel reassured more when I go there.
I promise to not take too much more of your reading time for which again I am sorry. So, after feeling like I still got her to communicate with me, little by little, I would try to talk with her every time I left. Sometimes, I didn't see her which was frustrating because then I waited another week to see her again. One because I couldn't afford to eat out a lot and two because I didn't want to be bothersome because they were always so busy and I didn't want to look like a stalker. Her sister was always friendly with me as well. So, one night I asked her sister when would be a good day to come visit Vivian since I kept missing her like 3 weeks in a row on just random nights. So, her sister gladly let me know it was better to come on the weekends because she was always there on those days. Small victory in my head I liked to think. I know it sounds like a small thing but I think that her aunt and sister would've been hesitant to disclose that information if they didn't like me or if she had a BF. another thing that has been continuous is that she still smiles at me a lot and always makes an effort (even if it's only for 5 minutes each time when I leave to pay for my food) to talk to me. In fact on a couple of occasions, she wasn't at the register and was in the back. Only her aunt was up front and it wasn't that busy. So her aunt alone could've helped me and my friend who was with me at the time. But, her aunt went in the back and said something to Vivian. Then Vivian rushed out to see me and helped me with the transaction. Even my friend who was before skeptical was surprised and feeling encouraged for me again. Another small victory. I then proceeded telling her that I wanted to talk to her more outside of work. Before I even gave her my phone number/email, she mentioned Facebook. So I asked her if that would be the best way to stay in touch with her and she said yes. My mistake there was that I should've asked her for her number but I was shy, afraid of rejection, and didn't want to come off too pushy.
So, a month went by and I still never got a call from her or an add on FB. I was puzzled because when I go there, I feel like she is a noble/sincere girl and I can't see her as the type to be flaky/2 faced and lie to me. So, since then I just keep going every week and try to stay positive and keep being persistent but not overbearing with her and would occasionally remind her or encourage her to add me on FB. She has yet to tell me that she is not interested or that she has a BF. Around Chinese new years, I wanted to get something special for her. So I went to Teavana and got her some nice rare/expensive Wulong monkey picked green tea, a lucky bamboo plant, and some lucky money in an envelope. The night I gave that to her she was very busy but yet grateful. To fast forward this story, more recently, I did attempt to ask her for her phone number or if we could text she shyly paused and said "Uhh.. Well, I'm always busy." I responded saying that I did try to add her on FB previosly before. She responded "Yeah but I really don't use FB". Puzzled I told her just recently about another free app called Kik.
So the story ends here. Some think that I'm ignorant and that she is just trying to be nice and maybe doesn't have the guts to tell me she's not interested. But if she wasn't, then what loss would it be to her to tell me? i don't think she entertains herself watching me being sad or tormented. Another friend of mine told me that she is just playing nice to me to keep me coming to their restaraunt. And yes I realize I continue to spell restaraunt wrong. Sorry. But would it really matter if one person stopped going there? I feel like maybe she is testing me tosee how serious and willing I am for her after falling off the face of the planet for 2 years. Maybe she is just really shy and never had a BF and doesn't knkw how to approach or deal with this. Maybe she is just really that busy right now that she doesn't have time for a relationship. And why would she put forth so much effort to see me, catch me before I leave to talk to me, and smile at me all the time? I feel some sincerity in her and if I knew she did like me I feel I'd be willing to go to the end of the world with her. And this here in lies my burden that causes me much anguish, suffering, and pain throughout the week as I anxiously long and await for her the next week. I just recently also made some music for her so that I can hopefully keep me on her mind. Hopefully. Ok. My novel is complete. I've got a huge case of Analysis paralysis and it's killing me. so again, thanks for listening to those who aren't pulling the hair out of their head and care to help. Ideas?
February 25, 2013
And btw if it's important, she is from Fuzhou, Fujian China.
February 25, 2013
*Sigh*. I guess no one cares enough to respond to my post. :(
August 10, 2011
This forum is all but dead, so I doubt many people have seen this. From reading your post it seems that you are completely obsessed by this girl, which is likely leading you to read too much into tiny details or actions on her part. From what you have said she could just be interested in interacting with a regular customer rather than anything more – especially as she does not seem to want to give you her contact details (Chinese girls tend to give their contact details to anyone and everyone in my experience). Anyway, you obviously have strong feelings for her and the only way you will know how she feels is to be open and tell her. Life is too short for games and hints and the phrase "faint heart never won fair maiden" absolutely applies. If you continue down the same path and she is not interested it is only going to hurt you more. It's time for action…
February 25, 2013
Thanks for the reply. I did get her to finally add me on FB and she did respond to one of my 3 messages. Ever so briefly/short. I think she doesn't feel comfortable typing in English. And then I went to see her this past weekend and she seemed really busy and stressed out. I think her aunt who owns the restaraunt puts a lot of pressure on her and her sister. She still smiled at me when she walked by but, when I went up to pay, she didn't talk much. Just the generic "$12.75.". I paid with my card. "Do you want your receipt?" I said no. "Ok thank you". And a slight smile. i felt almost like a stranger to her that night. She made no mention of anything else. Which in turn made me feel uncomfortable/shy to bother her with anymore questions. So I just left feeling sad and confused with these mixed signals that I'm getting from her. Now I have to wait a whole other week to see if she responds on FB. I'm getting to the point where I'm tempted to ask her out on a date. But I feel like I'm rushing it with her or being too pushy. Before I asked her if I could call her and she said indirectly "Well, I'm always busy". I guess I'm just afraid of rejection. She's really strange. I can't read her. I really really appreciate any more advice you have. Thanks so much. ;)
August 10, 2011
I'm sorry to say that, to me, it sounds like she is just not interested and you are obsessing over her almost to the point stalking I know that is harsh for me to say, but I can only go on the feeling I get from your posts. I think this has gone on far too long and you need to tell her how you feel. If she turns you down then you have your answer, if she has feelings for you too then that's great and you can work on building a relationship with her. It is honestly better to be rejected and know where you stand than to spend your life wondering "what if…"
February 25, 2013
*Sigh*. Yeah. You're right. Thanks.
August 10, 2011
So… did you tell her your feelings?
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