Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum. Right now, I'm a little uncertain about the future of my relationship with a Chinese girl. I'm also Chinese (ABC) and growing up in the States (in a semi-traditional environment at home), I didn't fully understand the mind of a Chinese girl. After getting to know her, I began observing her behavior and researching the mentality of Chinese girls so that I could understand her better.
Last year, I met a Chinese girl at school, she was studying at my university for a couple months on an exchange program. She's really sweet and kind and she's the girl that I've always wanted. We have spent a lot of time hanging out together, exploring different places and talking about random stuff. One day, I expressed my feelings for her and asked her to be my girlfriend but there was a little awkward silence and she had a bit of uncertainty about the future of our relationship. However, we continued talking normally and I didn't give up. One time, she even agreed to hold hands while walking around but thought it was a little inappropriate the next day. I also invited her to my house one weekend and she met my parents and they think she's really sweet, kind, and polite. She plans to return to the States to continue her education and before she left, she asked to store some of her stuff at my house until she returns, I agreed. On the day she left the States, I took her to the airport and before we went our separate ways, she told me that she likes me and agreed to keep in touch.
It's been about eight months since she's left the States and we video chat with each other online regularly, like for a couple hours almost every day. We usually give each other encouragement, talk about random things, our day to day lives, and sometimes discuss the news. We usually tell each other that we miss each other and that we look forward to the day that we can hang out in person again. We even discuss future plans of traveling to romantic places together. Last week on the Qixi Festival, I told her that I love her and that she means a lot to me and although she was shy about it, she repeated it back to me. I felt so happy inside.
In the long run, I'm a little bit concerned and uncertain. It looks like she'll be going back home after she finishes school in the States and she'll have to take care of her parents after they retire because she's an only-child. As much as I would like for her to be with me, I also don't want to separate her from her parents. If she decides to stay in the States and bring her parents along, they could have trouble adjusting to the culture and society here. I know it's too early to be thinking about these kinds of things, but I'm not sure whether I should continue pursuing this relationship because the longer I wait, the worse I will feel if things don't work out in the future. Even though things are going great now and we're always making plans to do things together in the future, I don't know how I should approach her about the future of our relationship. I already tried once and there was a bit of uncertainty. It's been about ten months since I've brought it up, should I try again given the circumstances?
Often times, I try to indirectly probe her thoughts by bringing something up. For example, I told her about some guy in the news that punishes his children for getting less-than-perfect grades. She told me that she will never do that to her children in the future. Using this same tactic, I'm hoping to try to get her to indirectly reveal some of her expectations. Maybe discussing something about home ownership would enable me to find out if she expects her spouse to own a house. What do you think? In terms of the future of our relationship, should I directly approach her about it or should I indirectly find our her expectations and make a decision from there?
rather then stuck playing in best friend zone forever. Be honest and upfront with her with your expectation and concerns, and what her expectation/concerns are. both of you are adults and should be able to make a responsible decision, decide what you want after you have the talk with her. don't be half -beep- and make decision base on assumptions.
June 26, 2012
Many couples throughout history have battled much great obstacles than those you have. I have found that communication is the foundation for any successful realionship, be it business, family or personal. You need to talk to her. find out what her true feelings are. what she wants. Just because you wish it so, does not make it so. If you and she live in the west, the possiblility of a two income family makes it much easier to send what to you may seem like very little back to her parents.. The difference of a few hundred dollars could mean spo much to them. and you can always fly back a few times to allow her to visit and show off her stud. Communuication is the key… good luck.
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