Hundred percent a Chinese female. I guess the generalization that Chinese men no reliable husband materials touched some raw nerves. My father and male relatives are the best men I’ve ever known in my life even though I’ve lived abroad for quite a few years. This is not to mention that a lot of my Chinese male friends from high schools are all well-bred, well-educated, living up to good morals, are commmitted in happy and faithful relationships/marriages.

Again, I meant no offence. But this is a brutal truth. Quite a few Chinese women here seem coming from rather obscure backgrouds. Who to date and who to marry, to a large degree, is a personal choice, to which I do not dispute. But you know what, I take issues with those who like to tear their own men down to flatter foreigners or to use it to disguise their own suspecious motivations.

As to those foreign men described in my previous posts. Well, not even another comment worthy.

:shock: she doesn’t sound jeolous at all.She sounds like someone that undertands something weird that is going on and doesn’t like it. She sounds angry and frustrated at how Chinese women are seen as idiotic and senseless.

Hi Ally,

I appreciate your response. Prior to it, I‘d written to Crystal requesting her to delete all my posts as far. She asked for a reason; I didn’t plan to tell the truth but a polite pretext. Your reply somehow changed my mind, it provided a good opportunity to strike a real conversation that I’d love to make happen.

You stated that immoral Chinese men constitute a landsliding majority of 90%, and insisted it is a fact, which is actually a very weak, statistically-challenged argument that I’d have overridden in a snap. Nonetheless it makes little sense doing so as after all none of us able to reckon an exact number. Yeah, we primarily speak from our own experiences. You’ve given your observations, then hopefully you’d find my accounts somehow informative in bringing a new perspective.

My father and male relatives, to a large degree, have shaped my perception of Chinese men as a whole. Some of them are career-oriented and may seen as “achievers” in this male-dominated society; others, interestingly enough, may fall into the category of typical “Shanghainese small men” in terms of helping with chores, being attentive to their wives/girlfriends’ needs and willing to go great lengths to keep their women happy. None of them ever cheated and all respect their women. I don’t think this is only a superficial thing as if in a commercial. Because the happiness and affection that radiate through these couples are just impossible to be misinterpreted. Even my younger cousin – tall, sporty and good-looking thus popular with girls – seems mature enough to honour this tradition. He’s gotten hit on by girls every so often, his response is to make it plainly clear that he’s attached already. I once poked fun at him for being too normal at too young an age and asked wouldn’t it be fun to date around? “What’s so fun to play around? Do you want a man like that?” – his sharp retort. “Cool, then what if you feel liking someone else later?” “I break up first then start a new relationship, the lowest thing is to have another on the side and feeling clever about it, sub-human.”

They, of course, are my family that you may think I’ve pictured them too good with heavy bias. There is actually no shortage of more examples. I got to know a couple at my parents’ age back in high school. The husband went to Australia in the early 90′s and spent a decade there getting a cab agency business out from nothing. He later returned to have the wife and the son move there together. The hardship this couple endured during this decade, though, was immense. He returned merely once every year due to the financial constraints. She stayed in Shanghai working, and raising their son alone. She’s a gorgeous woman, even in her current age. She had rejected many suitors throughout those years. Many times these so-called courtships presented themselves as lures of money or stark harassment. She had no idea how her man was doing at another end of the earth, there was not a certainty that he’d succeed and return, either. Based solely around the trust she had with him, she stood her grounds, remained loyal, waiting. And he, indeed did not let her down. The affection and tenderness he showed towards her, was something that struck me deep to my heart. I failed to appreciate their bonding of love, trust and faith in each other at the age of 16. Now, I think that’s something I’d die for.

You may argue this is only a small fraction of good Chinese men. I, too, am fully aware that we do not live in a fairy tale. I heard the same kind of stories you’ve told. The most outrageous case is a fortyish parvenu who leaves his wife back home in Zhejiang, concurrently having three mistresses in Shanghai. In my years overseas, I once ran into a Chinese guy who took pleasure flirting around regardless of the fact that he’s married. I heard some nasty stories amongst young Chinese couples such as who’s using/dumping who for money/sex/connection whatsoever in the name of a relationship. I was saddened but soon would lighten up. For every one such case, I thought, I’d be able to find three or four more counter-case. When I look around, and see my friends committed in a relationship and loyal to their partner even they are half the globe apart. Many are just fresh graduates with future unsettled, none of us all has been living a comfortable, leisure, stable life. But their commitments to each other, and their determination to work hard for building a bright life together, impressed me, even though I’d not been fortunate to experience this deep a connection as far. One guy friend I really like is doing a Master programme and hopeful to pursue a career in the academia. His girl friend is in Shanghai on a stable yet modest-paying job. Neither side of their parents approve their relationship for she’s from a modest family background and he’s not gotten his future shaped yet. They stand their grounds with firmness, however. My friend, in his years away from home, is loyal to her and behind his efforts to establish himself, is the will that to be with her and to gain the approval from both sides of the parents.

These are lengthy stories but my point is very simple – there are hopeless Chinese men rotten to the core. There are good Chinese men worth our pride. I categorily reject the ratio of 9:1. But I do not know exactly how many of these two types are out there. My humble wish is we do not dismiss them as a whole, we give the credits where they are due, and in such a thread, we have at least one voice to represent the good ones of our fellow countrymen.

I guess you probably would have agreed with me on the above if I’d raised my points in a moderate manner. Well, actually I’d never planned to leave a single word as I said I didn’t feel related and didn’t want myself associated with it. I was following an article on the different speaking patterns so that I could pay attention to mine in the workplace. The reason that I somehow took your comment personal and launched what you probably saw as an “attack” to defend the Chinese men in general, is that I just had a fight with my father and felt extremely bad for the harsh words I blurted out to him. – I was not defending the Chinese men actually, but to pick up a debate to make me feel better as if I were defending my father, fiercely

Nevertheless, the feelings towards the foreign men and Chinese women concerned here was indeed an honest reflection of my perspective. The foreign-English-speaking males’ dominance in this blog also resonated – actually appeared rather distasteful to me. You may presume that I have issues with interracial relationships or I dislike foreign men. Well, if so, I’d not have dated foreign men myself. Also, I cannot agree enough that there are good and bad men in every society, and yeah, it you have the fortune to win the heart of a good man, then nothing could ever compare. One thing I did like about your message is the sheer confidence, the confidence of your choice of a good foreign men, the confidence to pick up the language, to fit in the culture, the confidence that you are in love. However, I gotta say, that’s a damn heck long way to go. For the past years I’ve been shuffling between three countries, with time, there emerge identity issues that I become increasingly aware of. I’m foremost a female, sometimes a Chinese, other occasions an Asian, and of course there are times that I’m a Chinese female or an Asian female. I bumped into stereotypes and presumptions once in a while. Honestly, they are not a puff of breeze but a daily encounter that requiring a thorough self-reflection and a firm self-assurance to deal with. These are the stereotypes, usually more unpleasant ones than pleasant ones, may come your way later if you do go down the path you’ve outlined right now, probably until then, you would realize that my concerns raised in my previous comments did have some legitimacy in them.

All that being said, the last thing I do need to say, is I did not feel quite good about calling your name in the first post, neither did I feel proud of the cynical tone all over my reply to Neil. If previously I had no idea what’s proper to say generally regarding the regular commentators and readers of this blog, some of the comments I’ve read did make me think and offer a new angle to view the world.

First, the hardcore-extreme-hateful-insane-sexist-racist versus normal human beings (me inclusive) who’re able to carry out fair reasoning and intelligent conversations – ratio is 1:9. Life is just too short to argue with that sole exception.

Second, I still don’t quite get the idea to pledge in a relationship with someone I cannot talk to. But there is never a shortage of things that I’m clueless about. I used to believe a fancy education and a glamours job secure 85% of happiness. Doh, such a crap. Turned out the fortunate to be with someone you love and loves you in return has nothing to compare. People have their own ways to express love and affection. So keep going and treat what I said as something that you can testify your love and trust against. I wish you best of luck and hopefully in years you can declare – we’ve lived a good life together which dismisses everything that vicious woman had said.

So Ally, I take your leave and wish you all the best.

Crystal, if you happen to have the patience to finish all this thing. I wanted to thank you again for your kind reply and wish you best of the luck for everything, too. Yeah, I think it does no harm to leave those comments as they are, and hopefully, your readers will get some good impressions of Chinese men from them.

Bye.

Your fellow Chinese woman.

Reason why you don’t see more of that behavior in England(or most Western countries) is because it’s kept more discreet. Disloyalty has always been a growing problem in the modern Western world and men are trying to hide it more and more with greater results.

I love the craziness in Shanghai but didn’t know that women are that powerful and bossy. It seems fun to me LOL.

Thanks, I’m happy that you enjoy my blog.