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Chinese girls are…

"Cute" Chinese Girl

"Cute" Chinese Girl

In the discussion of my previous post about Chinabounder’s blog one of commenters mentioned that different forums for expats are full of derogatory comments about Chinese girls. This is true. Being a member of similar sites I know it myself. But instead of “playing a victim card” (using expression from your comments :-) ) I decided to delve into this topic a little bit deeper. So I asked myself: what are the most widespread adjectives used by foreigners to tag Chinese girls? Doing it wasn’t very difficult – and after a short online research I had a list of words most often used to describe Chinese girls. 

1. Chinese girls are beautiful. It’s not a surprise to see this description at the top of the list. People prefer to talk of the things that they are passionate about. Naturally some men are crazy about Chinese girls and think that they are beautiful. And the most often reasoning to explain why they are attractive in these men’s eyes is that Chinese girls are feminine. Definitely there are many men whose hearts begin to beat faster when they look into black, almond shaped eyes…

2. Chinese girls are gold-diggers. Unfortunately, this is a very popular term as well. Especially on the forums where men who had unhappy dating experience share their thoughts. Generation of 80s and 90s, as well as Shanghai girls are the most potential targets to be tagged as gold-diggers. “Shanghainese girls” also seem to be an almost idiomatic expression synonymous to high-maintenance Chinese females.

3. Chinese girls are easy. This opinion is especially widespread among expats. Of course, one can argue that expats mostly communicate with young urban girls who know English language and are willing to contact with foreigners – so they from the very beginning don’t represent the general population of Chinese women. More worrying, however, is the fact that in online discussions China is often tagged as the number one country for one night stands.

4. Chinese girls are traditional. Being an antithesis to the previous statement it is often voiced by men who want to have serious relationships with Chinese ladies. This fact leads me to the following speculation: maybe the way in which the characteristics of observed group are described depend more on the nature of observer that the observed group itself? That is men who look for easy girls attract such kind of girls, and those who prefer the “good” ones find the traditional girls.

5. Chinese girls are immature. I should admit that while spending some time on Chinese dating sites browsing through different profiles I was surprised to see pictures of “cute” girls like the photo above. Big eyes looking at you with the artificial expression of surprise and innocence. The most stunning thing was that even some 30 years old females had profile pictures with the same facial expression. And though it was just a little fraction of profiles – their pictures tend to stick in memory. So I can imagine that meeting such girls in face and listening to their baby-like voices is a “traumatic” experience that can throw a shadow on the whole population.

6. Chinese girls are loyal. It combines such virtues as filial piety to parents and faithfulness in relationships with partner. Generally being a desirable quality – it can pose certain difficulties when woman is the only daughter of her parents. In this case she might be very dependent on parents’ opinion making the romantic relationships susceptible to different tensions and conflicts.

7. Chinese girls are small-minded. This term I chose myself to substitute such often used adjectives as petty, narrow, silly and so on. Yup, some foreigners think that we are small-minded. I feel, however, that such conclusions are somewhat biased. It’s difficult to make an objective evaluation of someone from different culture and mentality, especially if there is also a language barrier.

8. Chinese girls are insecure. This one is difficult to argue with. Indeed, we often lack confidence regarding our appearance. A typical Chinese girl is not satisfied with her yellow skin, little breasts, she is too short, not slim enough and so on. It takes a lot of time and patience from a man to reassure the girl that she is beautiful in his eyes (and even if he succeeds – time and again there will be remissions of insecurity).

Let’s finish the list here although it could be extended further to include such adjectives as: friendly, submissive, always complaining, hard-working etc. I personally found it difficult to agree or disagree with most of the listed qualities. I indeed think that Chinese girls are loyal, and – yes – they are insecure.

Now I invite you to say your word. In the poll below you can cast vote for any number of the listed options as long as you think that they are descriptive of Chinese girls.

Simply Crystal Tao

 

Check the analysis of poll results.

  • http://www.SabinaEngland.com Jihad Punk 77

    I don’t agree with any of the above. Why should we judge a female because she is Chinese and female? Every person is different. It has nothing to do with being Chinese or female! I won’t vote in the poll.

    I have met some Chinese females and I thought they were very nice, smart and polite.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Thanks.
      I wish more people would describe Chinese girls as nice, polite and smart :grin:

      • http://blackxino.blogspot.com xino

        no!
        chinese girls are not smart, nice or polite!

        not all chinese girls are!

  • c

    I don’t know about immature but i have seen alot of photos with chinese/asian girls on it. They are either sticking out their tongue acting like they’re 8 and being cheeky with their parents or making their peace signs! lol. I believe the appropriate word is C H I L D I SH!!!

  • Marty

    I think your list could refer to women of any race anywhere in the world. Most women are insecure to some extent or unhappy about some parts of their bodies.This is human nature.

  • http://www.magnoliaarts.com Tim

    Crystal, another interesting post.

    Starting with the obvious caveats: generalizations are just that, they don’t apply to everyone, and (as you pointed out) they’re really an act of ascribing an attribute to someone else when actually what is meant is “I find Chinese women to be …” which points back to the culture of the person making the statement. Chinese women are immature? Compared to what? In what way?

    But let’s not be too serious here, and just have fun with it. Here are my responses, from my limited experience in a love relationship with a 50s Chinese woman and my friendships with a half dozen others from ages 20-60:

    Beautiful: I think most Western men would say this is true; there is something in the Chinese woman’s features that correspond nicely with our sense of what is beautiful. And I would agree that a certain perceived femininity has something to do with it as well.

    Gold-diggers: Not sure about this; one the one hand, I see nothing wrong with someone’s trying to raise her standard of living through marriage; but if that’s the main reason for the marriage, it raises some eyebrows. The same thing happens in the US when you see a beautiful 25-year-old with an aging rich and famous athlete or movie star.

    Easy: wow, I really missed out on this one I guess :smile: Where were all these easy girls in the 60s and 70s? Oh, right, I guess they weren’t easy back then… :lol:

    Traditional: This can mean different things to different people, but I think that, at least compared to American women, Chinese women hold to more traditional Chinese values (see Loyalty). Often “traditional” means “old-fashioned” but I think when used here it’s a compliment.

    Immature: my sense of this is that this criticism is very culturally based (and culturally biased). I think girls in the US “grow up” much earlier — that is, they are not so protected by their parents and so end their teen years having had much more diverse experiences. (this is not always good). So I would not agree that Chinese girls are “immature” — it seems to me they are perfectly mature at their given ages for the culture they’re in.

    Loyal: I agree that, compared to western women, Chinese women hold values of loyalty to family and spouse higher than, say, self-fulfillment. I’m not sure this still holds for the younger generation. I have to admit that, personally, I like that in my fiancee.

    Small-minded: not sure what is really meant here, but maybe it’s due to the fact that the people saying this are world-travelers. I can imagine someone from, say, France saying that about Americans if she were to come live in a small town in the USA for a while. (as a matter of fact, I think Europeans generally think that of Americans anyway, and for good reason)

    Insecure: I haven’t experienced that myself with my fiancee or her family and friends, or with my other Chinese women friends. My fiancee will sometimes say negative things about her body (which is amazingly beautiful to me), but I don’t think she has an overall bad self-image — I have always just chalked it up to the tendency to be modest.

    Your other list is interesting too: submissive is fascinating as it deals with relationships and can be discussed with traditional and loyal. I’m still negotiating my American man’s ideas concerning this with her more traditional sense. I think she wants me to take the lead more and I see things as equal and therefore to be decided together…

    Thanks Crystal! I hope we get a lot of responses from folks with more experience than I have.

    One thing I would add is strong — in my limited experience, I find mainland Chinese women to have a better sense of their own power, strength, intelligence, and capability, compared to other East Asian women.

    I like that about them.

    • Bill

      Tim, excellent post.

      Your last addition – strength – is the characteristic I would note were I forced to choose only one. I don’t know how Chinese women compare to other East Asian women, but Chinese women are strong women, though maybe not always in the Western sense.

      Chinese women, I think, are made strong by their paternalistic culture. Boys are handed everything and favored over girls, traditionally (my wife complains to this day about her grandfather, who would give her a fraction of the money he would give to her brother on Chinese New Year), but guess who ends up stronger? Yes, the girls. That only makes sense.

      I’m of the opinion that Chinese culture does a disservice to men. They are coddled, and then expected to be ‘The Man’, and there is very little leeway for them. There is less room for failure for them. They end up being more ‘culture bound’ (for want of a better expression). Women do not have that expectation, and are better able to adjust to life’s situations than men – their range of options is larger – and they do better, I think, adapting to other cultures. Not always the case, but I am generalizing here, of course.

      And then there is the bend but not break (like bamboo) metaphor, which I find to be true. Chinese women, compared to Western women, can persist and endure more than their Western sisters. This is most certainly related to Chinese cultural history.

      Great topic, Crystal.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      You know what is interesting, Tim?

      You say that Chinese girls are strong. And @korean_guy in his comments below mentioned that “Chinese women are the ones who wear the pants”. It seems that both of you are talking about the same thing – just you see it in positive light and @korean_guy in negative.

      • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

        You may be right Crystal, though I’m not sure korean_guy saw his take as negative. For me, I was raised by a strong woman and so am attracted to them; all the American women I’ve been in relationship with were strong — but by that I don’t mean they “wore the pants” in our relationship, just that they didn’t need me to prop them up all the time. We are each fine on our own and so our being together was because we wanted each other and that made us even better. But that’s probably my cultural bias talking.

        I think my Chinese fiancee sees me as “wearing the pants” — unless she wants otherwise! ;-) but I know because of her past, what she’s been through and how she’s come through it, and I know because I pay attention, that she has a strong sense of herself and her power in the world. And that makes her even more attractive to me.

        I can tell that you have that sense of yourself as well.

        • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

          oops, I seem to have two logins here, my bad! TLB=Tim :lol:

      • Nick

        Crystal,

        “An iron rod wrapped in flowers”.

        I think that just about sums up the lady I love. She is beautiful, very much a lady (and allows me to treat her like a lady – opening doors, holding her chair, etc), but heaven help anyone who really upsets her. She can stand on her own, but will allow her man to take care of her and to do things for her.

        That is _so_ beautiful to me. She is a lady, but not a helpless child.

        • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

          thanks Nick, you said this perfectly, and more eloquently than I could have.

          • Nick

            TLB, you’re welcome.

            I have found, over my 44+ years on this Earth, the perfect combination of inner strength and femininity, the ideal mixture of independence and “letting her man be her MAN” in a sweet little lady (only one year my junior) who goes by the English name “Ivy”.

            It took her a while to get used to a gentleman holding the door for her, opening the car door and placing his hand on the top of the opening so if she hit her head it would hit his hand instead of the hard metal of the car, helping her in and out of the car, holding her chair, etc… but now she’s spoiled. :-) And I absolutely love treating her like 我的心中的女皇 the queen of my heart, because she is.

            She is a lady in every sense of the word – educated (MBA – I have a doctorate in a comp sci), refined, gentle, loving, attractive (drop-dead gorgeous in my eyes) caring… but she is also decisive, an absolute wiz with finances, meticulous about organizing things, and great with people. And she has the cutest laugh and the prettiest voice. We both sing, so it is wonderful to be able to sing along side such a lovely voice.

            Yes – I am hopelessly in love with this lady.

            • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

              Oh, yeah – your situation is indeed hopeless :lol:

              • Nick

                And I am proud of it. :grin:

                在我的眼中她是世界上最美丽的女士。我一心一意爱她。她真的是我的心中的女皇。

                • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

                  对待女士像对待女皇一样,那么这样的男人一定是个皇帝。

                  • Nick

                    I hope your BF treats you properly, Crystal. :-)

    • gaozhanshi

      Indeed another interesting post.

      My opinion, in short

      beautiful? Yes many certainly are. Many are also very much not so… however, there are a lot of beautiful Chinese girls for sure

      polite? often, but more often not… some are quite rude and insensitive. There seems to be an inverse relationship between feeling secure and acting polite. If a Chinese girl is secure with herself, how much more often will she be outspoken AND disrespectful? Too often (and how often are such women from the the north? (Jilin, Liaoning and Heilongjiang)? And inversely, how often is politeness merely a defensive shield for insecurity (And how often are such girls from the south, particularly Sichuan, Guangdong, Fujian, Hunan, Yunnan and Guangxi)? I wonder…

      Smart- yes often, however, shallow, yes, this very often too. intellectual? rarely, so I have found so far. BUT! MAJOR exception *** the language barrier with English MASSIVELY simplifies what most Chinese girls can express (and so just as I appear like a small-minded, ignorant person if I try to communicate entirely in Chinese), so might also any perfectly brilliant Chinese girl learning English… however… I still wonder… smart, but merely clever? or actually thoughtful or deep? Too early to tell just yet

      Submissive? Depends… some are. This is a factor of feeling secure. And a girl isn’t necessarily just one. She may feel incredibly insecure about her appearance, weight, skin, etc, but perfectly secure about her culture and intellectual capacities, and opinions. She may be VERY strong willed, and even bullish to a negative extent, while at the same time, being outwardly submissive, when she feels she has to. If you let her be herself.. who does she show who she is? Truly submissive? Usually not! I think that is just superficial social conditioning. Many Chinese girls seem far more confident, clear-headed and assertive than the average Chinese man. It is no wonder patriarchy so intensively suppressed this strong female spirit to make up for men’s feelings of inadequacy… very interesting if there is any truth to that

      Easy? Not in the least. But maybe I just haven’t met the easy ones. I have a talent for getting high up on the friend ladder quickly, which is worth VERY little to me. Easy?? If you get a girl drunk, then she could become easy, but she isn’t much of a girl anymore too often… just a drunk doll, so that doesn’t count.

      Traditional? How so? Many are still VERY traditional, outside and in. Most in BJ now seem to be inwardly, pretty traditional, and outwardly, pretty darn modern. So, a girl who may seem really hip and modern, may just appear that way, when actually, she still lives at home at 26 and does everything her parents say without questioning it, even if she has her own job and could be leading and independent life, and just chooses not to. If that isn’t a traditional approach, I don’t know what is…

      Gold-diggers… not all, but many, it would seem are hyper-conscious of money. Many seem intent on it, even obsessed with it. Many are simple, cold-thinking pragmatists, who only take financially established men seriously, but who will see other men, but only for what they want (dates paid for, travel paid for, entertainment paid for, the enjoyment of being pursued without having to give up anything). These do not seem to be all, but too many, and many more than I am used to. At the same time, there appears to be an obsession with love and romance among the whole youth culture and women especially. Countless women seem to want it both ways: money AND love. and why not? men want it both ways too. Only, it would seem countless women here are desperately unrealistic in the expectations, and still asking for more, single and unmarried well into their late forties… where’s the pragmatism there?

      Loyal- maybe? loyal friends? loyal girlfriends (for those who have them)- most of the time? Just a guess. Unless a girl is super-rich, super-conceited, or super-attractive and capricious, she is probably loyal, and maybe more loyal than the average Western girl. I give points to Chinese girls here.

      Small-minded: Not sure, but I would sure say that superficiality seems more prevalent and pervasive here than in the US. I have had very few really intelligent conversations with women here (partly because I can’t have them in Chinese yet, partly because I have met those type of women yet), and partly because, well, there would seem to be fewer of them… sorry, just my impression so far. I know they exist though, there may just be many fewer here?

      Insecure- yes, many are insecure. Some are hugely insecure. Most seem only mildly insecure, but quite demonstrative of this. Ironically, few seem able to made to feel more secure by much a man says or does, unless he is their bf or close friend. This seems to be a really big problem actually… I feel sorry for all my Chinese women friends who face this. It is so unnecessary. So many of them really are beautiful, hard-working, intelligent, caring people… and yet they get so down on themselves so easily. It doesn’t make sense!

      Immature- outwardly according to what mature behavior looks like to a typical Western man, yes, many many Chinese girls appear immature, some well into their thirties. However, for many of these women, these appearances of immaturity are only that. Many are actually quite mature, even more mature, responsible and realistic than their Western women peers in many areas of life, whilst still appearing youthful outwardly. Frankly, I think that is a very sexy combination. Maybe that’s weird, but I’m not afraid to admit it. Where a slight appearance of outward immaturity is there, with actual, substantial maturity- that points to me. So, for all the Chinese girls I’ve met like that… points for them. Some are actually quite immature, through and through though. Mostly not their fault- they were just sheltered and never really struck out on their own to grow up. Sadly, it would appear a lot of Chinese girls never really grow up. But who am I to tell anyone else how to live?

      Just my thoughts about this…

      • jingzhu

        well said!!!!! :D

  • Neil

    I find it amusing that the very things that you say Chinese girls are insecure about are the things that I (and I would imagine a lot of other men) find most attractive about them (yellow skin, little breasts, she is too short, not slim enough). As to the “too short” – I’m not a tall guy, but I still subscribe to the ideal that the woman should be a touch shorter than me. Also, the vast majority of Chinese ladies are slim. Compared to most western ladies I would venture to say they are very slim.

  • ahkiwi

    Some excellent comments here.

    I think the list is more a reflection of the people making said comments than the people they are making them about.

    I could run up a few generalised comments about [insert country here] which would show them in a not so nice light too.
    In addition what one person calls cute another may find it to be not so cute (or down right ugly).
    It’s all down to perceptions of the commentators and their culture & upbringing.

    Crystal’s comment on appearance (“A typical Chinese girl is not satisfied with her yellow skin, little breasts, she is too short, not slim enough and so on.”) are the every things I like about Chinese women :razz:
    And Tim’s comment about them being strong is a very valid point too (from my point of view of course).

  • korean_guy

    I didn’t see SPOILED in the list. I’ve seen some spoiled rotten Chinese women in my days, both westernized and Chinese FOBs (albeit displayed differently). It’s commonly known to Koreans that Chinese men are very passive-submissive while Chinese women are the ones who wear the pants and are the one’s controlling the relationship. That’s why aggressive & high maintenance Korean women more often than not have a Chinese boyfriends or husbands.

  • ~a

    Beautiful – In the eye of the beerholder. These are guys looking for Chinese girls so ofcourse they’d think Chinese girls are beautiful but if you look at it from a how many magazines worldwide will sticking a face on the cover sell then a western typical model face will sell more magazine

    Gold digger – Chinese girls aren’t more materialistic, they’re just more honest and direct about it. A good thing in my opinion. I’m so tired of listening to the political correct American girl bullshit

    For the most part, people are people, we all want the same things. No one race is automatically better than another

    Sex, money, and politics make the world go around

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Haha… “beautiful – in the eyes of the beerholder”. That’s a good one!

      It reminds me another joke.
      “There are no ugly women. Just sometimes there is too little beer.”

    • ~
  • N

    Beautiful; immature/inexperienced; insecure; conservative; afraid to say what’s truly on their mind

  • http://laowaiink.weebly.com Mark

    Chinese girls are told two things by Chinese society: you must be beautiful or else you have little value, and you must fulfill your duties (to your husband, boyfriend, parents, job, etc.) A large amount of Chinese girls are starved emotionally, affectionately, intellectually, and don’t believe that they are unique so when someone comes along who makes them feel special, they are very quick to fall in love (which means sex right away) and latch on to their man as their big brother/lifeline/finacial support, which is easily perceived as being easy, immature, small-minded, golddigging, etc. Of course not all Chinese girls are like this, but the further away from the big cities you go, the more you will encounter girls who fit this list.

    For the longest time, life in China has been hard and a girl’s only currency for survival has been her beauty and loyalty, and even though girls have more options now, Chinese society isn’t encouraging girls to get educated and skilled- they’re telling them to get more beautiful, because that’s how you stand out. Chinese society’s message to Chinese girls is that you always need someone to take care of you (husband, boyfriend, family) and I don’t see this message changing for a while.

    Of course a beautiful, loyal woman is indeed a treasure, but she should also be open-minded, strong in her character, and capable to handle her own affairs without needing a hand to hold hers all the time.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      :cry: Oh, Mark. So it’s even more difficult now! It’s not enough to be just beautiful and loyal.

      … but she should also be open-minded, strong in her character, and capable to handle her own affairs without needing a hand to hold hers all the time.

      • http://laowaiink.weebly.com Mark

        Of course it’s not enough, a woman is not just a toy or a pet. I’m not saying she should be able to do everything by herself, but I’ve met a lot of Chinese girls who like being immature and childish, and that’s not the kind of person that a man can have a fulfilling relationship with.

      • gaozhanshi

        I’m going to have to agree with Mark. While Chinese society may pressure girls to be beautiful and loyal, the majority of Western men are looking for girls with substance, depth, and independence, so the answer would be, no beauty and loyalty are not enough, not to last at least ;)

    • Nick

      Mark – “Starved emotionally, affectionately”

      I never thought about that. My little angel is _very_ cuddly. She insists on holding my hand whenever we walk (and I love it). And one nice advantage to the fact that I’m left-handed is that we even can hold hands some times when we’re eating, since her chopsticks are in her right hand and mine are in my left.

      I love the way she holds my hand with one hand and the same arm with the other hand when we walk. I love the way she “hugs the stuffing out of me” when she hugs me and how she nestles her face into my neck.

      I never thought of it as being “starved for affection”, but I give her all the affection she wants… I’ll drop just about anything I’m doing to hug her if she wants a hug or a kiss, for example. I’m just trying to be the best friend and lover that I can be for her by trying to understand and meet her needs.

      Thank you for your insight, Mark.

    • gaozhanshi

      Thanks Mark. Really quality comment. ‘preciate reading that here. cheers

  • Jon

    Chinese Gilrs are the same as any other nationality girls.
    Each country has its fair share of all the above, China is no exception.
    But what I have found out and witnessed, Chinese girls are heldback, again this is also based on locations, as city girls in China are more open than the inner china, basically thats the normality here. Which in my opinion is a good thing.
    Give me a viliage girl anyday.

  • PL

    Hi Crystal

    First of all, it is difficult to say anything about ‘Chinese Girls’, because, surely they’re all different. China, is, after all, a massive country with more people than any other country in the world (until India overtakes it due to lack of a family planning policy!). However, I will share some of my limited observations based on limited experience.

    Firstly, the beauty thing. Yes, some Chinese women are extremely beautiful – those are the ones we men, with our limited minds :roll: , notice. But there are also plenty of Chinese women who fill all the adjectives describing looks. Yes, some are very plain and some are, frankly, ugly. It’s the same all over the world – and the same for men too. I come from Britain, and there are some utterly stunning ladies here as well as many who, again, fulfil all the other descriptions. However, I do confess that my own wife is Chinese. I would say that for many Western men, the issue is the exotic. Whilst there are plenty of young women of Chinese extraction in Western countries, there are not the sheer numbers as in China.

    Regarding ‘gold-diggers’. I think there are two parts to this. Firstly, yes, there are definitely some girls who are looking for a husband to take them away from their self-perceived poor life. Secondly, I think many young men from ‘Western’ countries are more used to ‘going Dutch’ over dinner, drinks etc. When they encounter the ‘you are the man, you pay’ idea, they find it uncomfortable and therefore ‘rationalise’ it as greed on the part of the girl, rather than cultural expectation. Interestingly, my wife became friendly with a girl from her home city here in Britain. The girl said she did not want to go out with British men, because they expect girls to pay for their own food, drinks etc. There is also the issue that in Chinese culture there is a lot of emphasis based on how much money you lavish on people (not just girls). Although there are aspects of this in our own countries, it is considered to be slightly ‘gauche and lower class’to go around splashing money and boasting about how much you have. We have a saying in Britain regarding gifts that ‘It is the thought that counts’, whereas in China if you give a gift that is not considered to be of sufficient value, you can become an outcast.

    As far as Chinese girls being ‘easy’ is concerned. I think that is an impression based on a small sample. Also, the kind of men who brag like this will often talk about women from any country in this way. If a girl gives the man what he wants, she is ‘easy’ if she doesn’t then she is ‘frigid’. The fact is, these kind of men will categorise women of any race in any way. Yes, it says more about them than about the girls. All I know is that my wife was not ‘easy’. It was quite amusing when she told me (in her mid-twenties !)with some embarrassment that she was not a virgin – my response was along the lines of ‘Is this a problem ?’ However, I was aware of people I knew being able to sleep around with a lot of girls. Mind you, there is plenty of this in Britain. The fact is, that there are men who have the confidence to ask lots of women out/to go to bed with them. If you ask 100 women and are rejected by 90, then you still have 10 who say yes. That’s 10 experiences. Of course, the men who ask 100 women are the most likely to label the girls as either ‘Easy’ or ‘frigid’.

    Regarding ‘traditional’, this is difficult. I think a lot of the Chinese girls I have met use ‘I am traditional’ to mean ‘I’m a good girl’. But tradition tends to be in the eye of the beholder. An example being when people in the UK talk about the ‘traditional Christmas turkey’. Actually, eating turkey at Christmas in this country has only become common over the last 50 years. The common food for Christmas in Victorian times was goose. In fact many of the Christmas ‘traditions’ we hold dear first came about in Victorian times (less than 200 years) and were largely popularised by Charles Dickens. In fact, Christmas only became a public holiday around then. I’m sure there are similar ‘traditions’ in China. Maybe I’m wrong, but I am sure many girls see those (sorry to say this, but, frankly awful, artificial and nasty) posed wedding photograph books as ‘traditional’. Yet they can only have become common in the last 20 years or so. Sorry, gone off topic. My take on men calling Chinese girls ‘traditional’ probably has to do with attitudes that we see as ‘old fashioned’.

    As far as immature is concerned – I think this is, in my observation, due to a few things. Yes, there is the belief that ‘cute’ and ‘girly’ is somehow attractive. But there are also some things that I notice in my wife, who I love completely, btw, for example a tendency to cry and stamp feet when she cannot get her own way and, when I first knew her a certain spoiledness. She lived away from her family (in the same city, mind), which was quite unusual. However, her family paid for her flat. This meant that she spent most of her salary on herself, constantly clothes shopping, and often taking money from her family to buy more expensive things. She also had a tendency to expect me to pay for some of her shopping and for things like taxis etc. As I could see her other qualities, I didn’t mind, and I did earn 6 times as much as her. It is noticeable that since coming to the UK she has ‘grown up’ hugely and is more aware of the value of money. In fact, she is now more addicted to budgeting than I could ever be. I think part of the issue is the way young Chinese people are treated by their parents, especially with the one child policy. Another thing I and my colleagues noticed was with the young women who worked with us at the language school. These were all girls in their twenties, adults, yet, if we had a night out and they came, they would all go home to their parents at 10pm, they could not be persuaded to stay out. It was like their parents still regarded them as little girls. If people are treated in a certain way by their families, they will tend to live up to that.

    I cannot really talk about loyal. I know my wife is loyal to me. I know my wife loves her family a lot, but she also resents them. One of the reasons she is happy to be away from China is because she does not have to see her family every week ! However, she may be unusual in this.

    I wonder if by ‘small minded’, they are talking about ‘limited in experience’. If you have not encountered much outside where you live and the attitudes of your near neighbours, then you will have certain attitudes. Unless your experience is widened, then you will not have any new ideas to challenge your own. Again, regarding my wife, before she came here, she regarded homosexuals as ‘disgusting’ and ‘I cannot understand them’. Now she has several friends who are gay or lesbian. Apparently, when she went back to China recently and was telling her best friend from university about this, the friend made a face and was clearly disgusted by the idea of having homosexual friends. The other point about ‘small mindedness’ is that there are many small minded and petty people in non-Chinese countries. The thing is that the kind of people who tend to travel abroad to live and work tend to be from the more ‘open-minded’ (regarding social issues) parts of society and tend to associate with similar people. They don’t tend to associate with ‘small-minded’ people in their own countries. When they come to China, they notice the social attitudes more. We always notice these more when we are somewhere different, and filter them out more in familiar circumstances.

    My wife can definitely be insecure about her looks, her standard of English (which is fantastic) etc. But all women from all cultures can be insecure, particularly about looks. The real problem is advertising and glossy magazines with digitally enhanced models who really ARE too good to be true. I bet you anything that all those beautiful girls on magazines in China who have porcelain white skin (and btw, I also think this obsession with whiteness is wrong. Most white girls would kill to have skin like Chinese girls) are Photoshopped.

    Regarding breasts, more than a handful is a waste !! ;-)

    I would not want a ‘submissive’ girl. My wife definitely isn’t ! :grin:

    I would definitely characterise her as ‘strong’, although, I am not sure that all Chinese girls are ‘strong’ as a couple of earlier posters said. I think that may be a case of stereotyping. Actually, my girl is ‘strong-willed’ !

    In conclusion, I think the men who post stereotypes and ‘derogatory’ comments about Chinese girls are a) basing their ideas on limited experience b) unable to see there are differences and individualities within a very large nation and c) would be making similar observations about women from their own countries. Also, I want to emphasise again, that my observations are personal and based on my own limited experience. I certainly do not think that I ‘know about’ Chinese girls. I find it hard enough to know about myself.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Oh my god!
      When one man says that he likes yellow skin and little err… :oops: … you know – I think he is strange.
      When second says the same – it becomes suspicious.
      And now I begin to wonder if it’s me who is strange :lol:

      • PL

        Nope, you’re not strange. I hope you did not think I was ‘using a line’.

        Maybe I am strange, but I don’t think so. Not in that way, anyhow. Various men have all kinds of different tastes. There are plenty of men who like big… err… you know ;-) that’s fine for them. Plenty of men like all kinds of things, some of which would turn your hair white – I’m sure it would mine. Again, that’s their thing, it’s not mine.

        I’m kind of losing my thread here…. I think what I really want to say is a woman is beautiful because she is beautiful, enhancement of bodily parts or skin colour is not necessary. I get slightly confused and alarmed by the effort many British girls go to to get a tan, either real or fake. It seems to me that they are trying to be something that they are not in order to gain approval from others by ‘improving’ their looks.

        My wife is beautiful, not just to me, other men have been attracted to her, but she is not flawless. But that doesn’t matter to me. I would not have her any other way, not whiter, not bigger chested, just her.

      • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

        Count me in as number three! :grin:

      • Nick

        Number four here, and to quote the Bard himself: “God has given you one face and you make yourselves another.” (Hamlet, IV, i). I have never understood why such lovely women feel the need to desecrate their natural beauty.

        Yes, I chose the word “desecrate” intentionally. Look at Crystal’s picture. Look at the pictures of her friends. Crystal has seen a picture of my beloved Ivy and can certainly attest that none of these ladies need makeup or any embellishment at all.

        To quote from the movie “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves”: “Milady, a woman of your beauty has no need for such decorations.”

        To me, it is like taking a priceless van Gogh or Monet painting and scribbling on it with crayons.

      • Rick Hill

        My wife has beautiful skin but I never thought of describing her as yellow. She is golden.

      • Rhys F

        “Oh my god!
        When one man says that he likes yellow skin and little err… … you know – I think he is strange.
        When second says the same – it becomes suspicious.
        And now I begin to wonder if it’s me who is strange ”

        You can count me as yet another :twisted:

        Ever since my first year at university, when in one of my business management classes I ended up in a group of three asian girls (Mainland China, Taiwan and Thai) plus me. Ever since, I’ve loved pretty golden skin, cute almond eys and cute bare handfuls of breast on a petite frame. I much prefer a pretty short asian girl to a typical playboy playmate sterotype of tall blonde with big knockers.

        Oh, yeah, and our group got A’s on the group assignments :P Smart as well as pretty girls, through I had a LOT of work proofreading the group submitted reports and essays :D

  • korean_guy

    Just as China overtook Japan’s previous 2nd place in economy Chinese women will take the crown as the “easiest to shag” from Japanese as well.

  • http://www.chinabounder.blogspot.com ChinaBounder

    I’d say this was a pretty accurate round-up of the stereotypes Western men have of Chinese women.

    Most, of course, are lazy characterizations and have only a limited relation to the truth – the ‘gold diggers’ one for example; that might have been more true in the 1980s when people were much keener to leave China. But it’s not really so common any more. Likewise the idea that Chinese girls are ‘easy.’ I found this to be only true for me on one single occasion. That was a great night indeed, but after it the girl lost all interest in me. Guess I was a bad lay.

    But the ‘Chinese girls are immature’ is a more interesting one. Some of this is to do with fashion, and of course fashion is simply a matter of taste and perspective. But also I have found there is a certain level of social pressure for women to act – in terms of physical gestures – in a more girlish fashion than would be normal in a Western society.

    And I would have to say that both Chinese men and women are quite often intellectually immature, in terms of what Westerners would regard as legitimate debate. There is less mental flexibility and less willingness to assess their own nation objectively. But of course this is simply a result of the Chinese education system, which is largely dreadful and does a grave disservice to the young people of the nation.

    Interesting article, anyhow.

  • http://motpol.blogspot.com Hans Engnell

    I think the ideas of what is beauty and what isn’t is interesting. The cultural differences are so obvious when discussing beauty. In Sweden beautiful women are (generally): pretty tall, have a nice tan and pretty large breasts. Being fit is a plus too. People doesn’t seem to mind a big bottom either. This is almost the opposite of what attracts me personally. When discussing beauty with my girlfriend she’s complaining that her breasts are too large (which they’re not), that she doesn’t like her brown eyes and that she’s too short. I adore her brown almond shaped eyes and I don’t like very tall women. What she doesn’t like about herself is basically what I am attracted to (among many other things, of course).

    I’d go with the “loyal” and “insecure” statements as well. It seems many Chinese women need to hear that we love them. Very often. Well, that’s not too much to ask, right? About loyalty it remains to be seen. :razz:

  • steve_01

    chinese girls are just shallow,narrow-minded and childish. I mean they always try to be cute when they act and speak. ITS VERY ANNOYING! And they’re so fake when in social gatherings especially when there are foreigners around.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      You are not alone, Steve.
      It seems that “immature” will overtake “beautiful” soon :sad:

  • Wombadan

    You have to be careful here. The market analysis of Expatriate Blogs which you quote is not necessarily representative of the majority of foreigners in China. Most expat blogs are mostly frequented by:
    1) Low end expats (students, teachers, bar managers, other low end career chancers)
    2) Young (about 21-25)
    3) White trash (low educated refugees from the economic wastelands of the US)

    Websites such as “Lost Laowai”, “ShanghaiExpat” “ChinaSMACK” “Shanghaiist” and so on are effective cess pools for losers. In fact, if you trawl the expat bars for example in Shanghai, you’ll find the same old faces moaning into their cheap beers and bragging about the numbers of girls they’ve fucked. (They usually lie).

    Thats not the type of expat you need for a accurate survey. The better ones are out there, and I think you’ll find that their responses would be rather more encouraging and friendly. I’d go and ask expats hanging out at the cultural centers, museums, and international schoools for a better viewpoint and perspective

  • Wombadan

    …and although a lot of Chinese girls ARE easy, not all of them fit that category. My beautiful wife was still a virgin when I married her, and was insistant she remained that way until our wedding day. (We married when she was 28, and yes, she is a stunner, could have any man she wanted). So virtue is out there. But only about 10% of Chinese girls have that imo. Theres a lot of naughty girls out there who only want material things. No wonder they get fucked over – literally. Guys aren’t stupid.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Regarding your comment I recall one classmate of mine – at the age of 23 she moved to live together with her boyfriend (her first and only boyfriend, and her current husband).

      Her father (when learned the news that she lives with a guy before marriage) said – “I don’t want to see her, she is not my daughter”.

      He made peace with her only after she and her boyfriend signed the marriage certificate…

    • Rick Hill

      Funny thing is that Italian guys think the same thing when they come to America. Part of it is the difference, women pick guys with different characteristics because it adds variety to the gene pool. Same way men think a woman with long shiny hair is attractive, because it is a visual indicator she is healthy and in her reproductive prime. Some even theorize blonds have more fun because girls hair tends to be lighter and the chances of being the dominate man in a girls life is higher when she is younger.

  • Nick

    I don’t know where else to tell this, so I am going to post this here because I just want to tell others how wonderful my angel is.

    When I travel for a trip of n days, I normally pack n+1 days’ worth of clothing, including underwear, socks, etc. for each day. When I was packing to return from visiting my Chinese angel, she saw the laundry bag where my dirty clothes were and she pulled it out of my suitcase and insisted that she wash my clothes for me.

    I gently took the bag back and put it back into the suitcase, telling her “Sweetheart, I can do that when I am back at my house. You don’t have to do that.”

    She was visibly offended, and even seemed upset with me. She pulled the bag back out and said “No, I wash for you.” and would not let me take the bag back. I tried several times, but she absolutely would not budge on that point. I finally agreed.

    She washed everything BY HAND in the sink and tub, and then carefully hung everything to dry all over the room.

    It took a great deal of restraint not to cry because I was so moved by her love and devotion. I still become teary-eyed when I think about her profound love.

    I know that actions speak louder than words, and what she showed me that evening was that she is very, very serious about our long-term relationship.

    I am completely and utterly hers. The one word I can find to describe that one Chinese lady is “wonderful”.

    I do not know what I did to deserve her, but whatever it was, it was not enough.

    • Nick

      There are so many other wonderful things about my angel that I could most likely write books and books and still not exhaust the subject. I was just so deeply moved by this particular act that I wanted to share it with all of you. She is truly an angel.

      I become rather upset when people stereotype women, especially Chinese women, in a negative way. Both genders and every race have their wonderful people and their jerks, but we all carry certain cultural “baggage” with us that impacts how we interact with others. My precious angel is so amazingly sweet and kind that I am often moved to tears by her emails and by the memories of the times we have shared together. The sound of her laughter is the sweetest music, and her embrace is truly the gateway to paradise.

      Yes, I love her, and she knows it. She complains that her breasts and her bottom are too small, but I think they are perfectly beautiful. She complains about her skin colour, but again, in my eyes she is absolutely gorgeous. There is something about her that makes her absolutely irresistible and utterly captivating. I’ve actually walked into things before because I found myself just gazing at her when we were walking together, because she is so amazingly lovely.

      It is so easy to become lost in her gorgeous almond eyes, or to become intoxicated by the scent of her hair and the warmth of her breath against my cheek. The warmth of her smile can banish the chill of sadness and loneliness in an instant. Her touch can sooth the harshest day. And her kisses… alas, there are no words that can describe the pure bliss of her soft, warm lips when they gently touch mine. The love that she expresses with a single kiss is more than even the greatest poets of the world could ever describe with mere words.

      Yes, Crystal, I am hopelessly in love.

      • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

        Nick, you said you are a high-tech guy, but I think you lied.
        You are poet! :lol:

      • Nick

        I guess I am truly smitten – I cannot even spell properly when I am thinking about my angel. That should be “soothe”, not “sooth”. My apologies, Crystal.

        • v

          Gross

          • Nick

            Yes, V, I agree. Poor spelling is truly disturbing. I apologize to the readers here for that mistake.

  • Nick

    My dear Crystal, I am simply a man who has found his 知己. She makes me feel things that I never thought possible. The depth and intensity of her love are truly intoxicating, and with every passing moment she becomes more beautiful in my eyes.

    My clumsy words cannot ever hope even to aspire to be able to describe my angel, for words alone are shamefully inadequate. Even in song, there could never be music and words that could do justice to the surpassing beauty that is my angel. No dance, no symphony, no ballad, no sculpture, no painting could ever capture and express the beauty that is in her heart.

    No, Crystal, I am not a poet. I could never claim to be, not when words fail me so readily when I strive to describe the woman I love. It is to my shame that I cannot fully express the wonders of my beloved angel.

    I could never deserve such a woman, yet she loves me so deeply that I cannot refuse her. It would be easier to extinguish the Sun than it would be to stop loving her.

  • China Shark Mike

    I’ve lived and worked in Shenzhen the last 20 months and have to say I’ve experienced all those traits with the small minded one. I’ve dated poor, middle class, and rich women. Everyone is different so I don’t like to generalize or pigeonhole any charateristics whether they be positive or negative. The word beautiful is completely subjective. What I might consider pretty most Chinese might consider common. If you care about someone you learn to deal with their flaws as as well as their good attributes.

  • China Shark Mike

    Sorry with the exception of the small minded.

  • Bob Chippens

    “3. Chinese girls are easy. This opinion is especially widespread among expats. Of course, one can argue that expats mostly communicate with young urban girls who know English language and are willing to contact with foreigners – so they from the very beginning don’t represent the general population of Chinese women. More worrying, however, is the fact that in online discussions China is often tagged as the number one country for one night stands.”

    The bit I’ve highlighted in bold, this is a nonsense excuse that I’ve heard numerous times. The foreigners I know that also speak decent->good Chinese have just as much success picking up Chinese girls with no English ability as they do picking up girls who speak English, and the same goes for whether they are from a big city or not. Why would there be a difference? This excuse is closely related to the “Chinese women who sleep with foreigners are sluts / not real Chinese girls” argument that has absolutely no basis other than to demonize women.

    WOMEN ARE WOMEN, regardless of language, city-girl/country-girl, or nationality.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      So… did you check the option “easy” in the poll? :lol:

      • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

        This whole “easy” thing is interesting to me; “easy” is from the man’s perspective, and (to me at least) it carries a negative connotation. Isn’t it interesting that a woman that easily gives a man what he wants (sex) is looked down upon? Perhaps “looked down upon” is too strong, but I think there is some disrespect there, isn’t there? Young guys, correct me here if I’m wrong.

        I guess the statement “Chinese girls, compared to those in many other countries, enjoy engaging in sexual activities relatively early in a relationship” — has too many words…

        I wonder what we’d think (men that is) if we read that Chinese girls think all foreign men are easy — “just walk up to them in a bar, say a couple of words in English, smile some, and pretty soon they’ll help you out of your clothes, strip themselves, and do anything you want for the rest of the evening! They’re so EASY!!!”

        If I read that, the first thing I would do (were I younger and not attached) was feel somewhat offended. The second thing I would do is get on a plane to that country… :grin:

        • haha no

          “If I read that, the first thing I would do (were I younger and not attached) was feel somewhat offended. The second thing I would do is get on a plane to that country… :grin:”

          HAHAHA. made me laugh.

      • Bob Chippens

        They’re not much more and not much less ‘easy’ than girls from most countries was my point! Women are women!

      • haha no

        hay cuti, (Crystal not bob)

        what you doing tonight?

        heres a test. if she want to meet up and date and sleep with me. then my wife will kill me. if not, then Crystal is not easy. only 3,000,000,000 women left to try….

        • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

          … or maybe you just don’t try hard enough ;-)
          … and my answer is “haha no”

  • China Shark Mike

    Beg to differ on that point. Have to say young hot girls in America would not piss on you if you were on fire. Asiatic cultures raise the females to be this way. Read somethings about ancient Japanese and Chinese. Raise the Red Lantern ring any bells. Yeah, emperor had like a a dozen or so wives back in the day. I know quite a few friends as well as past aquaintences that wear black contact lenses to give the quintissential {spelling} Japanese Manga look, rereading have to say as much as Chinabounder ticks me off he hit it hits pretty close to the real China I see everyday in Shenzhen. ABCs in America would be dating only the hot rich guys. It’s a cutural thing that will never die. Some Chinese can see past the bs yet most tolerate and adhere to thier outdated norms of the past. Let’s call it like it really is and not try fictionalize to fit our preconceptions are of in Modern day China. I’ve lived and worked in Chines culture as well as Japanese culture. There is no face when you sleep around with random foreigners. Hell, if the local Chinese men could get away with it they’de be just as bad. You’re not not white you’re usually not right for a Chinese looking to live the easy life, hence even a rich Chinese stands less of a chance than your average Joe Schmoe from a western country. What good is being rich if you live in a third world country. Smart goldiggers at least I get the selfish bit but will never go for it myself. Environment plays a huge part in emotional developement. Land of the propoganda and the emotionally stunted from birth. It’s a societal problem, chidren never learn how to mature properly because parents never said no to them in the most important nuturing years. Little emperors and Chinese princesses abound in China. Think about this why do supposed rational human beings honk thier horns in traffic???? Why do people need to post signs to not throw garbage from high rises. These are problematic signs that obviously there is a something wrong. Systemic problem, people need to be held accountable to mature into a civilized human being. Chinese always look the other way therefore there can never be a solution. TIC is a bitch. Sometimes we become our own worse enemies in life. Change is not the evil many Chinese seem to think it is. I’m happy with my life here yet get frustrated as hell at the naivity and nonsense I see in my friends, students, past and present girlfriend. If you acknowledge these flaws you might have a chance at a East/West relationship with a Chinese. If you wear blinders and not notice the red flags that’s your problem.

  • Dennis

    1. Chinese girls are beautiful.
    There is an odd thing about mating that exists that people don’t know about in general. That we are attracted to the most opposite of us. Which exists to protect us from inbreeding. I know this is very brief and simple. Some may know and understand and others will say, ” What!!!!???”.

    One other thing is it would be interesting to see if Chinese men think Chinese women are as beautiful as American men see them. Is it possible that Chinese men or women for that matter think Americans are beautiful?

    Personally I think they are beautiful. But beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

    2. Chinese girls are gold-diggers.
    I don’t know that this is unique to Chinese women. Go online and check the sites. In general the more attractive a women is the more expensive she is. By that I mean there is a correlation between beauty and the amount of money they want their mate to have or be earning. I do know one Chinese women looking for money and then love. But that is more money love. :)

    3. Chinese girls are easy.
    I am going to guess that it’s probably not true when compared to their exact same counter parts in every other country. My wife wasn’t and I am so glad. It was a pleasure to wait until we married. :) Not a real big deal looking at it before you marry but looking back it does.

    4. Chinese girls are traditional.
    I think they are more traditional, especially the older they are. My wife is 54 and I am 63. Sort of a big age difference and it was my limit. Mostly because out of fairness to her. It is a trait that is disappearing with age. That part is sad. I can only say to the Chinese people maintain your heritage and customs. This is true for all countries. Being westernized is I think in many ways a complete lack of traditions. Almost an anything goes culture. That is my honest assessment.

    5. Chinese girls are immature.
    This depends on age!!! Again the reality is that they aren’t. Again this goes with being traditional verses not. I think Chinese women are more reality based than American women. The more difficult life has been for the woman in terms of having to survive and raise a family the more mature they are. They don’t have the luxury of experimenting exotic lifestyles.

    6. Chinese girls are loyal.
    I think they are and this goes back to culture and maturity.

    7. Chinese girls are small-minded.
    Show me a guy that thinks a Chinese woman is small minded and I will show you a small minded man. When compared to American women I will take the Asian mind any time. Again here I am not talking about exceptions but the general rule. They display much more wisdom and maturity.

    8. Chinese girls are insecure. ((This one is difficult to argue with.)) Crystal here I must chuckle a little. Because you say you agree which means that perhaps you feel the same way. ((Indeed, we often lack confidence regarding our appearance.)) That is typical for most women I think. ((A typical Chinese girl is not satisfied with her yellow skin, little breasts, she is too short, not slim enough and so on.)) That part is a little sad, skin is fine! Breasts are fine, you ladies have no idea how lucky you are. Because of the smaller breasts you look younger longer. You should be happy. Funny because the height is just fine too. I think if perhaps the men that you are associated with weren’t so harsh and demanding life would be much easier for you. Truly sad. ((It takes a lot of time and patience from a man to reassure the girl that she is beautiful in his eyes (and even if he succeeds – time and again there will be remissions of insecurity)). You ladies have what you have. Be happy with it and make the most of it. And find a man that appreciates what you come with. Hand the man a questionnaire and before he sees you, ask him what his ideal woman is mentally and in looks. And you do the same. If your wants are the same then meet. If not then don’t. :)

    Well I hit the bottom of the list.

    You left one item out sort of.

    I think Chinese women are more feminine. They recognize that women are women and men are men. In America we seem to have confused the two way to much!!!!! Now when a couple meet, it’s possible some aren’t sure who is what until they do a visual of the private parts for gender verification and then it’s still not a positive test considering some are getting surgery and being altered. :mrgreen:
    My wife is very feminine and has said I am to be the boss. I have told her I don’t want that. It’s going to be mutual. I will have my areas of expertise and she will have hers. I don’t want to dominate her in any way and I don’t want to be dominated. Simply a loving, mutual relationship in which we have equal input and because of past experiences we can always come to a mutual agreement. I think she finally understand that and I am glad about that.

    So there you have my thoughts once more. :)

    Dennis

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      That’s great analysis from which I also learned something.
      It seems that “beauty” is not the only thing which is in the eyes of beholder :lol:

  • haha no

    Nice post Dennis,

    I will try and sum up.

    Chinese are chinese, love them or hate them. They are different and special, we are just as different to them. They seem more respectful and not so eager to go out every weekend, get drunk and have a fight. They save money and use tiny little towels and have tiny little trees.

    myself, I love the chinese people and their ways. I wouldnt change a thing about them. (well, maybe make their military stronger so the US cannot push them around)

  • China Shark Mike

    Emasculating bitches or feminine genuine woman. Which would you choose? I know American women don’t stand a chance competing with even the not so good or traditional Chinese women. They go out of thier way to make thier guy’s feel special. My soon wife to be is not too beautiful or too smart, yet she is the most beautiful woman in my eyes. Asian persuasion is the way I’ve always been to the end. Guess I’m just your run of the mill Eggman {yellow on the inside/white on the outside}. My girl says I know too much about Chinese culture and cannot believe I’m as savy as I am and not even speaking the langauge. Living in the culture let’s me observe everything about Chinese and still maintain my objectivity. These life lessons are helping me to understand what to expect or not to expect from Chinese people in general. 90% of Chinese I do not trust them at thier word {teaching for them or working with them}. You can always count on inconsistency, TIC, etc. I love Chinese culture yet can see with open eyes the real China most people never get a glimpse of. Visiting China or semi retired is not the same thing as being 24/7 here. A lot of expatriots fail to see these glimpses because it’s just about chasing tail and being the big man on campus. I did not come to China to just party, I came here to experience and build a future with a Chinese woman. I’ve reached that goal, I’ve found the proverbial gem in the rough. My girl and I discussed entensively moving in together. If we can tolerate each other in my tiny apartment for a week or so that we should both move into a bigger apartment to share in the near future. So demms my 2 cents.

  • koo

    they are just gold diggers… but nice if they want to be nice

  • Jose

    Hi Crystal, great site,just found it. Been reading for a couple hours. You seem to have attracted a better crowd.. (more mature?), for the most part. Compared to some of the other forums and blogs I have read.I have worked in 5 different counties, each with their own little quirks,rules,culture. And women. Not much for crass generalizations. I don’t like your poll.

    I think you get one year to complain about China. Then, if you don’t like it. Leave. Go home. Please.

    I love it here, and I refuse to engage in another conversation with anyone about the spitting, or pajamas in the afternoon, or the whatever…

    I have not been to any other countries in Asia. And I used to think the “Yellow Fever” was some weird American GI fetish, or like the feet thing, or (well can’t think of any right now).

    But the Chinese women, have this movement, this gate in their walk, it seems to trigger something deep in the reptilian side of my brain. Different for any other women. You are the most fascinating creatures I have ever encountered.

    Bad day at work? Really sick of China? Well, I just go stand in the street around 5 p.m. And its legs, high heels, mini skirts, black shinny hair, almond eyes. Awash in a sea of femininity.

    “Slinky” is my word for it. And it relaxes me.

    Anyway, if you are not into “Easy”, “Gold Diggers”, try not finding women at a bar. This is a universal truth.

    If your offended because a woman is so straight forward as to ask you what you make? Then go home. Deal with the psychotic nut jobs who are convinced love is all you need, and they are looking for their “soul mates.”

    Insecure? This is called marketing. Women will always be to fat,skinny,tall,short,white,tan,, green purple or pink. This is how we sell skin care products, fashion, and hair care products at ridiculous margins.

    For your poll, my girl is only beautiful,loyal and traditional. I have not experienced anything else here.

    Highly confident, wicked sarcasm, British in her dry sense of humor. Very short. No Chest.

    We were still in our first 3 month courting period. I was going out to see a friend. She asked me where I was going. I said, “To find a tall Chinese girlfriend with big titties!”

    She said, “well, I will take a nap, but good luck to you then……..Fatass”. Got into bed and turned the lights off.

    So when I got home, I emailed my mum, and said there is a 98% chance I will be getting married to a Chines girl…

    Completely slayed from that day on. There were other moments, but that was the winner. I was finished at that point. Just don’t tell her that…haha.

    Ok Thanks for this site!

    Me and my girl agreed early on we would have the “Culture” card, we could pull on each other if this was going to work. Many a time she has told me, if I was Chinese, what you just did would be break up material. “But you are stupid laowai”. so you get this mistake one time, but remember it.

    And I do the same, but not so much.

    Thanks again.

    • ThomasR

      Excellent comment. My only difference of opinion is that I don’t have “yellow fever”. Also, you and your girlfriend’s method of dealing with cultural misunderstandings is genius.

      Also, completely agree with what you said about the readers on this blog. Compared to nearly every other blog/forum that I’ve read, this blog’s commenters are far more mature and willing to have a civilized discussion. Impressive.

  • garylong

    Chinese girls as nice, polite and smart, when they get every thing they want!! and if they don’t get it they are the people I have found you don’t want to be with, I only stay in china as I have a good job and the internet is cheap and I can have what I want in computer things.
    part from that I regret wasting my life in china looking for a good Chinese girl now is like to looking for gold on the moon, blood hard.

  • Bored in Melbourne

    Crystal I have to put here that my current thought it that Chinese girls (well at least a certain particular one who is special to me) are STUBBORN.

    Like all stubborn people she is a tough one to deal with, the harder this man tries to convince her of anything the more she resists. These are the trials of love, but at least it gives us the energy and motivation to persist.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Maybe this is a smart strategy to be stubborn.
      Because when the girl is too easy (to get along) – her subjective value decreases.
      Similar to a low value of “nice guys”.

      • Bored in Melbourne

        Perhaps, but I hope that she does not hope to increase her value through being stubborn. A very stubborn partner is a deal breaker as you need to be able to discuss and resolve problems, it is essential for a relationship.

        She already has a very high value in my eyes, in fact being stubborn is likely to reduce my perception of her value

  • Geoff_Hayes

    While I enjoyed reading the conversation on this thread, I am confused by the Vizu on-line poll results which collectively total 253.8% instead of 100%.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      That’s because people can vote for MORE than one option.
      For example, someone can decide that Chinese girls are beautiful as well as easy.

  • Gentle Giant

    1) Perhaps I am just strange, I do not find most East Asian women attractive, but the ones I do, I rate as the most beautiful women on earth.
    2) Try using a Russian dating site if you want to run into a few gold diggers. Where-ever there is poverty, attractive women and richer, foreign men, there will be women (and men posing as women), looking to make a few bucks. TBH I have run into fewer in China than anywhere else.
    3) As mentioned before, all bar girls tend to be easy compared to non bar girls.
    4) They are losing this, especially the younger ones in the richer cities, where they can move away from home and “do their own thing”; but there are still plenty of good women out there.
    5) It is not immaturity, it is the Prince/Princess problem caused by the One Child policy, my betrothed has several siblings and is fun loving, but otherwise sane. My last Chinese GF was an only child and had a screaming fit when the internet connection failed and she could not watch her “soaps”.
    6) As 4)
    7) They have been brain-washed since birth by an over powering totalitarian regime, what do you expect?? Also, as mentioned above, there are a lot of small minded people in the world; probably more than 75% fall into this category. Just think how many snarky comments you got when you told people you were looking for a foreign wife??
    8) ALL women are insecure at some level, even the ones proclaiming that they are perfect and beautiful. The obsession with white skin in China is no different to the obsession with big tits amongst teenage girls in the west.
    Personally I prefer the golden skin tone to pasty white or an orange fake tan I see everywhere at home.

    Crystal, you must have realized by now, that most western guys think you are gorgeous, if you are between 2 meters and 1.5 meters you cannot be too tall or too short for 99% of the male population; breasts are more subjective, but personally I prefer smaller, shapely breasts (B -C cup), to saggy bags of flab or silicon “enhanced” monstrosities (aka Bulgarian Airbags).

    Guys, if you are new to internet dating, be aware that there is a LOT of photo-shopping going on; insist on seeing non- studio photos and video chat or you may end up meeting a troll. I could show you an example a friend ran into that would give you nightmares!!!

    Guys living in China, I am going to be living in Nanning for 3-4 months later this year (I have visited before, but only for 3 weeks), any tips or advice for me?? Especially for using a squat toilet, I have managed to avoid them until now!!

    • Nick

      Gentle Giant,

      I’ll go straight to the “technical” question – squat toilets. I actually prefer them.

      I am fortunate to have a sweetheart who is very understanding of the differences between our cultures and I simply asked her how to use one. After she laughed, I explained that on a western toilet, you pull your trousers all the way down to your ankles. Then she understood my question…

      To answer your question, pull your trousers down to just above your knees. A good tip to keep things from falling out of your pockets is to pull your underwear down over your trousers so your underwear will cover the pockets of your trousers. THEN squat down.

      If you have a little trouble standing up, lean forward and push off of your knees with your hands. (I’m 45, so I’m speaking from experience.)

      The nice thing about squat toilets is that you don’t have to worry about sitting on the seat.

    • Nick

      Two more things you NEED to know…

      1. The smell. This is due to people throwing used toilet paper into the dust bins instead of flushing it. I think it has something to do with weak plumbing or something, but in the mainland people do that. In HK and Singapore they don’t.

      2. Be sure to pick up a few of those packets of tissues – the little rectangular packets that usually sell for 1 RMB each – and keep one with you at all times. Those are 4 ply and will work for TP since most public rest rooms DO NOT HAVE TOILET PAPER. Those little packets of tissue are vitally important.

      • John

        I think the smell is because they never copied the U-bend – appearance is all, and as long as it looks OK, why bother with internal details?

        There is often a single roll of paper outside. Or somebody to sell you some.

        For home use, you can buy a seat with fold-down legs.

  • gaozhanshi

    Hey folks and Crystal,

    It’s been a long time since I’ve logged on and commented here. I’ve had a number of interesting experiences with Chinese girls recently that I could comment on.

    It is a very mixed picture, but mostly positive. Let me talk about that first:

    Chinese girls are largely, very pure of heart, at least, the ones I’ve met. Now, I believe we all attract the people we’re meant to know in life, and so my opinion will inevitably be very subjective, but I think based on the women I’ve known so far and the relationships I have developed, that Chinese girls are pretty pure of heart- that is, they are basically real with their feelings and ready to give their affections, and even fall in love, with someone they like, more easily and more directly than Western girls, who I find to be deeply jaded and cynical, complicated and scarred in often confusing ways. This is not to say Chinese girls do not also have their complications, they do, however, I think they are much simpler usually. Although this is just my impression.

    I have recently had a close friend of mins admit she was in love with me. I love her too, as a friend, but the feeling is different I think. While we’re both attracted to each other and want to be together, we have very different definitions of what that means and so forming a relationship has actually proved challenging. Her concepts are so different, and this is cultural. Her attachment, so unquestioned, to her concepts, categories and expectations is so naive and uninformed. She is not so small-minded, just steeped in a conformist culture that has pressured her to accept its’ views, and left her little choice. She is very intelligent, and given the willingness and access, could easily broaden her mind. Chinese girls are doing the best they can in a culture that does not encourage independent thinking or critical decision-making. I know I am hard person for these kinds of girls to know (and they are most of them), because I demand that from a girlfriend.

    Chinese girls… usually very sweet, loving, generous, and often selfless. I had a girl take me out to dinner, several times, and refuse to let me pay. She has given me a lot of affection and her attitude is close to perfect. I am really impressed with her. She has made me feel very lucky.

    On the flip side, the cultural and intellectual differences can be so vast, that having a satisfying, stable, relationship, as a unique person can be really hard. Guys, unless you’re willing to buy into so much of the conformist expectations of Chinese society, especially if you’re seeing a traditional girl (which is significantly more challenging for a Westerner to do well), you might think twice before you put yourself and your girl through a lot of potentially painful misunderstandings.

    I like Chinese girls a lot, and they have a lot of advantages, but they are not all easy, and sometimes, even having a straightforward, emotionally neutral conversation can be very hard. Words to the wise, maybe.

    Now I just have to figure out what to do with my close friend… I feel responsible for her happiness, even though I believe, ultimately, we are only responsible for our own…

    GZ

    • Nick

      GZ,

      I agree. The depth of a Chinese lady’s affections can be staggering. There is something about that total trust that makes a man feel wanted, needed, and very protective of his sweetheart’s feelings. It is if she is giving herself completely to you. It is wonderful and frightening all at the same time.

  • Ningbo

    @Nick

    If I have to hear one more self righteous loawia cunt tell me that a squat toilet is “so much more sanitary” then a seat. Whilst i am standing ankle deep in piss and shit, gagging on the stench.

    Please.Fuck you then. Like watching a chink bitch get the shit slapped out of her by her boyfriend in broad daylight. I actually do something about it now. I don’t care.

    No, it is not the paper in the basket. It is the shit and piss you are standing in. That is what the smell is.

    Shit and piss. Everywhere.

    If you wish to argue.

    Fuck you.

    Shit and piss!

    Go to one of those “OMG, I am in China” forums and debate then.

    3 years here, and I love it. I am not leaving.

    Shita, and pissa, everywhereah.

    Please. Disgusting it is. Eat a bowl of Mala tang at noon. The f’ing noise! Phuck people! Chew with your mouth closed!. No? Ok, I am in China. And I love you.

    Crystal, love you to. Thanks for this site. You have helped me so much. 2 years of verbal abuse from my Chinese girlfriend. I will marry her. I have not found the level of confidence she has, ever, anywhere. And she is short!

    P.S. Anyone notice the 6′” tall Chinese models on the TV are the opposite of the word “Attractive”. The only thing that gives my girl a complex.

  • Gentle Giant

    Thank you for the replies, I know about the smell, and what you often end up standing in as I have had to use one for a pee; but I clenched my bum cheeks and held on until returning to the hotel for number 2′s!!!

    After being told how fastidiously clean the Chinese are, the public loo’s were a big shock!!

    Thank you for the tip about the tissues, I ended up with pocket-fulls of them, but never noticed the lack of loo roll during my pee breaks!!
    Aloe Vera impregnated loo roll is much nicer :-)

    • Nick

      I guess I’ve been traveling in different parts of China. The only public loo I’ve ever encountered that was as disgusting as the one you describe was in a highway rest stop in North Carolina on I-85.

      While I am in China, I spend most of my time at universities or at various events with other university faculty, so perhaps they have been avoiding the dirtier areas.

      • Gentle Giant

        Well the public loo in central Nanning can be smelled from about 10m away from the building on a good day; on a busy day the stench will knock you over from the opposite side of the road, 20-30m away.
        And this is from a nursery nurse, used to dealing with dirty nappies!!!! No Way was I going inside!! Lets Find the nearest McD’s and borrow their loo!!

  • haha no

    oh, got a response from someone called god.
    that seems to have been deleted very fast :-)

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      The comment – as you could see – was racist and pornographic to such extent that (with all my hatred to censorship) I had no choice but to delete it.

  • GZ

    Crystal- I support your active moderating of the content of this page so that it remains positive and insightful.

    Even while I cannot always say complementary things about Chinese girls, I can say, that so far, on the whole, Chinese girls have so many more positive qualities than negative ones. I really appreciate the open-ness and interest of so many girls. It is far easier to get a date, ask a girl out on one and get a straight answer, and actually meet up from having met online or at a party somewhere.

    Even though I think there is a widespread cultural obsession with punctuality, to the effect that some girls feel deeply offended if you’re late, it is interesting and worthwhile to learn how to respect people differently in China than in the West.

    While many Chinese girls may be flaky and noncommittal here, I think many more of them are just the opposite and ready to actually develop something, many more than Western girls are.

    If I could use a simple metaphor to describe the differences in attitudes of open-ness between Chinese and US American girls, it would be that most Chinese girls seem very open superficially, but harder to get to know on a deeper level, more closed on a personal level, whereas most US American girls have a strong wall, or “bitch” that repels men superficially, but if you break through that, then they are open and easy to get to know, unless they are especially guarded. However, I think there are numerous exceptions too.

    I think the thing that I wish for Chinese girls is to have more confidence in themselves- their bodies, minds, attractiveness, worth, etc. So they can enjoy themselves and express their talents.

  • China Shark Mike

    Crystal, I have to say you’re pretty cool with monitoring posts. You let go with a lot of vulgar langauge on here that even the Shark finds offensive and downright rude. Once one reduces themselves to vulgarity you’ve lost your objectivity. There are many more clever ways of saying things through puns or double an tandras {spelling it’s French so sue me already}. Any halfwit can string together obscenities {spelling?}.

  • China Shark Mike

    Rereading that post you are right you can taste the pure hatred and vehemence in his words. Guess someone who happened to be Chinese shut his business down and this is the only way he knows how to release his rage, by trolling Chinese friendly blogs and forums spouting evil to anyone that’ll listen. He’s barking up the wrong tree here though. My life sucks therefore I just scapegoat an entire race to make myself feel better. :|

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Just to explain to those who don’t understand what Mike is talking about.

      A guy with nickname “God” made a comment in this post making some very nasty comments about Chinese girls, (penis size of) Chinese men and concluded it with complaints about unfair taxation system.

      I have deleted his comment immediately. However, I guess that blog readers who have subscribed to comments in this post could read it anyway – so they know about its content.

  • Lily

    I think two important characteristics of Chinese girls are missed: “sentimental & caring”. Don’t you think so?

  • Navnit

    Chinese girls are beautiful,cute, easy to talk, helpning nature, anytime smile face, english is so so. I am not young but if i am young and married i will surely dating with chinese girl and marriage and pickup to India to stay with my other family members. But very sorry to say that now my age is passed . One thing I have seen that chinese young girls who is getting good salary not like to cooking why idon’t know. In india male responsibility to earn and women responsibility is to cook the food, keep house clean by her or manage by servant to keep children,shopping for home for child and husband. check chldren activites full days. arrange to go school. to meet our relative when comes in absent of man. I prefer suggest to indian people who are financially strong can try to get chinese girl but check and try to understand not quarrelsome girl who is thinking about longterm should be simple,honest check and live with her parent few days also then you can judge it.

  • Westerner

    Though I generally prefer Indian Asian women, I would say that Chinese women are cute and responsible. As for gold digging, that is a catergory that all women seem to fit, just saying. :cool:

  • sfphoto

    Feminine, traditional and loyal is how I would describe Chinese women outside the coastal cities. The rest — gold-digging, immature, easy, small-mindedness, insecure — are common stereotypes that foreigners (especially western men) have of Chinese “girls” living in the big cities which host large numbers of expatriates such as Beijing, Shanghai, Shenzhen, Guangzhou, etc.

    In the latter case, I would argue that breakneck growth in the last 10 years coupled with the sudden release of long-repressed wants and desires have weakened the moral fabric of mainland society. So what you have — materialism, narcissim, hedonism — are the side effects of what sociologists would call “anomie”. However, away from the coastal cities, women in China are still very much a by-product of either the traditional culture of Confucian China or the modern culture of Maoist China.

    This survey, I think, is in a way a red herring because it hides the cause and merely masks the effects with vague notions of the so-called intrinsic characteristics of Chinese women. Yet another classic example of “Western” Orientalism.

  • K Steel68

    ni hao…xin nian kuaile

  • Rob

    Great post. Having dated a Chinese girl from a small city in Inner Mongolia who was very traditional,extremely polite and feminine i have to say most are only after the real special one. Yes you are bound to get those who are gold diggers etc, but tell me one country that doesnt have such a type. We still keep in touch regularly , so who knows…Through my work, I have found Chinese people  to be of high standard, polite and such kind, generous people.   

  • Susan

    i only agree advantages of Chinese girls. We are becomming increasingly mature, but some virtues we will never abandon like loyal ,honest and considerate……

  • Funcuz

    The only thing about Chinese girls that I don’t like (and otherwise I think they’re fantastic) is the incredible degree of childishness in romantic relationships . 
    I don’t say this about all Chinese girls because , obviously , I’ve definitely not dated anything resembling a percentage of them .  Nevertheless , if you’re a foreigner dating a Chinese girl , be prepared to be on the phone/internet during every spare moment you have that she knows about .  And actually , even when she doesn’t . 
    The idea that you might like a minute of privacy or some space to enjoy your interests just won’t enter her mind .

    That’s one thing .  The other problem along the same lines is the incredible inability to deal with even minor irritations or disappointments like an adult .  It’s really quite amazing at times .  She may cry if you forget to call her at a specific time.  She may throw a temper tantrum if you tell her that you have to be up early in the morning and need to get more than five hours of sleep .  Yes , these have been common occurrences in my relationships with Chinese women .  Eventually you just decide that she’s got the mind of a five year old when dealing with emotions .

    Again though , I’m not talking about every Chinese girl there is of course .  These things are not just from experience but from observation of other people and their ‘relationship problems’.  The degree of childishness ranges from a little to complete toddler .  Beyond toddler actually because nobody expects you to indulge a toddler and pretend that they’re acting in a mature , reasonable manner when they’re stamping their feet and screaming because you bought them the wrong diamond ring .

    In terms of positives though , you do get a very dedicated and loyal girlfriend .  I don’t think it’s entirely fair to accuse Chinese girls of being gold-diggers in the strictest sense here either .  In China , marriage is NOT based on Hollywood fictions of love .  Of course love enters into it but it’s also a practical matter .  If you can’t afford to buy a house , car , and pay for a wedding , (which , by the way , is actually what the parents usually do for their children in China) she has to ask herself how you’re both supposed to live .  Yeah , I know what you’re thinking but if you want a traditional wife ,you’ve got to get with the rest of what that entails .  Don’t blame her for being what you wanted in the first place .

  • http://www.pinyinlyrics.net/ Oliver

    Most foreigners voting don’t have the experience to know how to answer. I’ve been living in China for three years and I speak fluent Chinese. I’ve had 10 Chinese girlfriends in only 3 years because it’s hard to find a good one.

    Ofcourse many Chinese girls are beautiful, but so are many Western girls so this is a non issue.

    The issue is that Chinese girls are on average much less mature than Western girls. And from your choices the following words sum up almost all Chinese girls-

    - Like mainly only handsome or money (or both)
    - Easy
    - Immature
    - Small minded
    - Insecure
    - Definitely NOT loyal to a man’s true self/ personality- they are only loyal to handsome or money, they will get the best they can find and swap out for a better guy in the looks or money department if they found one.

    Every Chinese guy I’ve met who was not a retard ie intelligent and handsome enough to have dated many girls agrees with me 100%. I say intelligent because if you meet a handsome retarded Chinese guy he will say ‘Chinese girls are awesome because I can get 10 girlfriends simeltaniously and Chinese girls all love me!’

    The MAIN problem with Chinese girls is as follows. They care so much about money and looks that they would rather have a boyfriend knowing he has several other girlfriends than be with a guy that is either less handsome or has less money. Which is why MOST handsome Chinese guys have several girlfriends on the go and if they don’t it’s because they have grown up.

  • http://www.pinyinlyrics.net/ Oliver

    Most foreigners voting don’t have the experience to know how to answer. I’ve been living in China for three years and I speak fluent Chinese. I’ve had 10 Chinese girlfriends in only 3 years because it’s hard to find a good one.

    Ofcourse many Chinese girls are beautiful, but so are many Western girls so this is a non issue.

    The issue is that Chinese girls are on average much less mature than Western girls. And from your choices the following words sum up almost all Chinese girls-

    - Like mainly only handsome or money (or both)
    - Easy
    - Immature
    - Small minded
    - Insecure
    - Definitely NOT loyal to a man’s true self/ personality- they are only loyal to handsome or money, they will get the best they can find and swap out for a better guy in the looks or money department if they found one.

    Every Chinese guy I’ve met who was not a retard ie intelligent and handsome enough to have dated many girls agrees with me 100%. I say intelligent because if you meet a handsome retarded Chinese guy he will say ‘Chinese girls are awesome because I can get 10 girlfriends simeltaniously and Chinese girls all love me!’

    The MAIN problem with Chinese girls is as follows. They care so much about money and looks that they would rather have a boyfriend knowing he has several other girlfriends than be with a guy that is either less handsome or has less money. Which is why MOST handsome Chinese guys have several girlfriends on the go and if they don’t it’s because they have grown up.

  • Qling

    I’m looking for a 21 to 29 year old Female Chinese Spokesperson to help me promote and Market my new Patented Community Poker Card Game . It would be a Plus if she knew how to play Texas Holdem . Could you let the goups and community know I have an Opening to travel to Casinos Throughout the United States . w k r p _ 7 1 5 1 9 5 1 @ y a h o o . c o m