Hi Crystal

First of all, it is difficult to say anything about ‘Chinese Girls’, because, surely they’re all different. China, is, after all, a massive country with more people than any other country in the world (until India overtakes it due to lack of a family planning policy!). However, I will share some of my limited observations based on limited experience.

Firstly, the beauty thing. Yes, some Chinese women are extremely beautiful – those are the ones we men, with our limited minds :roll: , notice. But there are also plenty of Chinese women who fill all the adjectives describing looks. Yes, some are very plain and some are, frankly, ugly. It’s the same all over the world – and the same for men too. I come from Britain, and there are some utterly stunning ladies here as well as many who, again, fulfil all the other descriptions. However, I do confess that my own wife is Chinese. I would say that for many Western men, the issue is the exotic. Whilst there are plenty of young women of Chinese extraction in Western countries, there are not the sheer numbers as in China.

Regarding ‘gold-diggers’. I think there are two parts to this. Firstly, yes, there are definitely some girls who are looking for a husband to take them away from their self-perceived poor life. Secondly, I think many young men from ‘Western’ countries are more used to ‘going Dutch’ over dinner, drinks etc. When they encounter the ‘you are the man, you pay’ idea, they find it uncomfortable and therefore ‘rationalise’ it as greed on the part of the girl, rather than cultural expectation. Interestingly, my wife became friendly with a girl from her home city here in Britain. The girl said she did not want to go out with British men, because they expect girls to pay for their own food, drinks etc. There is also the issue that in Chinese culture there is a lot of emphasis based on how much money you lavish on people (not just girls). Although there are aspects of this in our own countries, it is considered to be slightly ‘gauche and lower class’to go around splashing money and boasting about how much you have. We have a saying in Britain regarding gifts that ‘It is the thought that counts’, whereas in China if you give a gift that is not considered to be of sufficient value, you can become an outcast.

As far as Chinese girls being ‘easy’ is concerned. I think that is an impression based on a small sample. Also, the kind of men who brag like this will often talk about women from any country in this way. If a girl gives the man what he wants, she is ‘easy’ if she doesn’t then she is ‘frigid’. The fact is, these kind of men will categorise women of any race in any way. Yes, it says more about them than about the girls. All I know is that my wife was not ‘easy’. It was quite amusing when she told me (in her mid-twenties !)with some embarrassment that she was not a virgin – my response was along the lines of ‘Is this a problem ?’ However, I was aware of people I knew being able to sleep around with a lot of girls. Mind you, there is plenty of this in Britain. The fact is, that there are men who have the confidence to ask lots of women out/to go to bed with them. If you ask 100 women and are rejected by 90, then you still have 10 who say yes. That’s 10 experiences. Of course, the men who ask 100 women are the most likely to label the girls as either ‘Easy’ or ‘frigid’.

Regarding ‘traditional’, this is difficult. I think a lot of the Chinese girls I have met use ‘I am traditional’ to mean ‘I’m a good girl’. But tradition tends to be in the eye of the beholder. An example being when people in the UK talk about the ‘traditional Christmas turkey’. Actually, eating turkey at Christmas in this country has only become common over the last 50 years. The common food for Christmas in Victorian times was goose. In fact many of the Christmas ‘traditions’ we hold dear first came about in Victorian times (less than 200 years) and were largely popularised by Charles Dickens. In fact, Christmas only became a public holiday around then. I’m sure there are similar ‘traditions’ in China. Maybe I’m wrong, but I am sure many girls see those (sorry to say this, but, frankly awful, artificial and nasty) posed wedding photograph books as ‘traditional’. Yet they can only have become common in the last 20 years or so. Sorry, gone off topic. My take on men calling Chinese girls ‘traditional’ probably has to do with attitudes that we see as ‘old fashioned’.

As far as immature is concerned – I think this is, in my observation, due to a few things. Yes, there is the belief that ‘cute’ and ‘girly’ is somehow attractive. But there are also some things that I notice in my wife, who I love completely, btw, for example a tendency to cry and stamp feet when she cannot get her own way and, when I first knew her a certain spoiledness. She lived away from her family (in the same city, mind), which was quite unusual. However, her family paid for her flat. This meant that she spent most of her salary on herself, constantly clothes shopping, and often taking money from her family to buy more expensive things. She also had a tendency to expect me to pay for some of her shopping and for things like taxis etc. As I could see her other qualities, I didn’t mind, and I did earn 6 times as much as her. It is noticeable that since coming to the UK she has ‘grown up’ hugely and is more aware of the value of money. In fact, she is now more addicted to budgeting than I could ever be. I think part of the issue is the way young Chinese people are treated by their parents, especially with the one child policy. Another thing I and my colleagues noticed was with the young women who worked with us at the language school. These were all girls in their twenties, adults, yet, if we had a night out and they came, they would all go home to their parents at 10pm, they could not be persuaded to stay out. It was like their parents still regarded them as little girls. If people are treated in a certain way by their families, they will tend to live up to that.

I cannot really talk about loyal. I know my wife is loyal to me. I know my wife loves her family a lot, but she also resents them. One of the reasons she is happy to be away from China is because she does not have to see her family every week ! However, she may be unusual in this.

I wonder if by ‘small minded’, they are talking about ‘limited in experience’. If you have not encountered much outside where you live and the attitudes of your near neighbours, then you will have certain attitudes. Unless your experience is widened, then you will not have any new ideas to challenge your own. Again, regarding my wife, before she came here, she regarded homosexuals as ‘disgusting’ and ‘I cannot understand them’. Now she has several friends who are gay or lesbian. Apparently, when she went back to China recently and was telling her best friend from university about this, the friend made a face and was clearly disgusted by the idea of having homosexual friends. The other point about ‘small mindedness’ is that there are many small minded and petty people in non-Chinese countries. The thing is that the kind of people who tend to travel abroad to live and work tend to be from the more ‘open-minded’ (regarding social issues) parts of society and tend to associate with similar people. They don’t tend to associate with ‘small-minded’ people in their own countries. When they come to China, they notice the social attitudes more. We always notice these more when we are somewhere different, and filter them out more in familiar circumstances.

My wife can definitely be insecure about her looks, her standard of English (which is fantastic) etc. But all women from all cultures can be insecure, particularly about looks. The real problem is advertising and glossy magazines with digitally enhanced models who really ARE too good to be true. I bet you anything that all those beautiful girls on magazines in China who have porcelain white skin (and btw, I also think this obsession with whiteness is wrong. Most white girls would kill to have skin like Chinese girls) are Photoshopped.

Regarding breasts, more than a handful is a waste !! ;-)

I would not want a ‘submissive’ girl. My wife definitely isn’t ! :grin:

I would definitely characterise her as ‘strong’, although, I am not sure that all Chinese girls are ‘strong’ as a couple of earlier posters said. I think that may be a case of stereotyping. Actually, my girl is ‘strong-willed’ !

In conclusion, I think the men who post stereotypes and ‘derogatory’ comments about Chinese girls are a) basing their ideas on limited experience b) unable to see there are differences and individualities within a very large nation and c) would be making similar observations about women from their own countries. Also, I want to emphasise again, that my observations are personal and based on my own limited experience. I certainly do not think that I ‘know about’ Chinese girls. I find it hard enough to know about myself.

I’d say this was a pretty accurate round-up of the stereotypes Western men have of Chinese women.

Most, of course, are lazy characterizations and have only a limited relation to the truth – the ‘gold diggers’ one for example; that might have been more true in the 1980s when people were much keener to leave China. But it’s not really so common any more. Likewise the idea that Chinese girls are ‘easy.’ I found this to be only true for me on one single occasion. That was a great night indeed, but after it the girl lost all interest in me. Guess I was a bad lay.

But the ‘Chinese girls are immature’ is a more interesting one. Some of this is to do with fashion, and of course fashion is simply a matter of taste and perspective. But also I have found there is a certain level of social pressure for women to act – in terms of physical gestures – in a more girlish fashion than would be normal in a Western society.

And I would have to say that both Chinese men and women are quite often intellectually immature, in terms of what Westerners would regard as legitimate debate. There is less mental flexibility and less willingness to assess their own nation objectively. But of course this is simply a result of the Chinese education system, which is largely dreadful and does a grave disservice to the young people of the nation.

Interesting article, anyhow.

chinese girls are just shallow,narrow-minded and childish. I mean they always try to be cute when they act and speak. ITS VERY ANNOYING! And they’re so fake when in social gatherings especially when there are foreigners around.

My dear Crystal, I am simply a man who has found his 知己. She makes me feel things that I never thought possible. The depth and intensity of her love are truly intoxicating, and with every passing moment she becomes more beautiful in my eyes.

My clumsy words cannot ever hope even to aspire to be able to describe my angel, for words alone are shamefully inadequate. Even in song, there could never be music and words that could do justice to the surpassing beauty that is my angel. No dance, no symphony, no ballad, no sculpture, no painting could ever capture and express the beauty that is in her heart.

No, Crystal, I am not a poet. I could never claim to be, not when words fail me so readily when I strive to describe the woman I love. It is to my shame that I cannot fully express the wonders of my beloved angel.

I could never deserve such a woman, yet she loves me so deeply that I cannot refuse her. It would be easier to extinguish the Sun than it would be to stop loving her.

Sorry with the exception of the small minded.

Beg to differ on that point. Have to say young hot girls in America would not piss on you if you were on fire. Asiatic cultures raise the females to be this way. Read somethings about ancient Japanese and Chinese. Raise the Red Lantern ring any bells. Yeah, emperor had like a a dozen or so wives back in the day. I know quite a few friends as well as past aquaintences that wear black contact lenses to give the quintissential {spelling} Japanese Manga look, rereading have to say as much as Chinabounder ticks me off he hit it hits pretty close to the real China I see everyday in Shenzhen. ABCs in America would be dating only the hot rich guys. It’s a cutural thing that will never die. Some Chinese can see past the bs yet most tolerate and adhere to thier outdated norms of the past. Let’s call it like it really is and not try fictionalize to fit our preconceptions are of in Modern day China. I’ve lived and worked in Chines culture as well as Japanese culture. There is no face when you sleep around with random foreigners. Hell, if the local Chinese men could get away with it they’de be just as bad. You’re not not white you’re usually not right for a Chinese looking to live the easy life, hence even a rich Chinese stands less of a chance than your average Joe Schmoe from a western country. What good is being rich if you live in a third world country. Smart goldiggers at least I get the selfish bit but will never go for it myself. Environment plays a huge part in emotional developement. Land of the propoganda and the emotionally stunted from birth. It’s a societal problem, chidren never learn how to mature properly because parents never said no to them in the most important nuturing years. Little emperors and Chinese princesses abound in China. Think about this why do supposed rational human beings honk thier horns in traffic???? Why do people need to post signs to not throw garbage from high rises. These are problematic signs that obviously there is a something wrong. Systemic problem, people need to be held accountable to mature into a civilized human being. Chinese always look the other way therefore there can never be a solution. TIC is a bitch. Sometimes we become our own worse enemies in life. Change is not the evil many Chinese seem to think it is. I’m happy with my life here yet get frustrated as hell at the naivity and nonsense I see in my friends, students, past and present girlfriend. If you acknowledge these flaws you might have a chance at a East/West relationship with a Chinese. If you wear blinders and not notice the red flags that’s your problem.

Chinese girls as nice, polite and smart, when they get every thing they want!! and if they don’t get it they are the people I have found you don’t want to be with, I only stay in china as I have a good job and the internet is cheap and I can have what I want in computer things.
part from that I regret wasting my life in china looking for a good Chinese girl now is like to looking for gold on the moon, blood hard.

While I enjoyed reading the conversation on this thread, I am confused by the Vizu on-line poll results which collectively total 253.8% instead of 100%.

Hey folks and Crystal,

It’s been a long time since I’ve logged on and commented here. I’ve had a number of interesting experiences with Chinese girls recently that I could comment on.

It is a very mixed picture, but mostly positive. Let me talk about that first:

Chinese girls are largely, very pure of heart, at least, the ones I’ve met. Now, I believe we all attract the people we’re meant to know in life, and so my opinion will inevitably be very subjective, but I think based on the women I’ve known so far and the relationships I have developed, that Chinese girls are pretty pure of heart- that is, they are basically real with their feelings and ready to give their affections, and even fall in love, with someone they like, more easily and more directly than Western girls, who I find to be deeply jaded and cynical, complicated and scarred in often confusing ways. This is not to say Chinese girls do not also have their complications, they do, however, I think they are much simpler usually. Although this is just my impression.

I have recently had a close friend of mins admit she was in love with me. I love her too, as a friend, but the feeling is different I think. While we’re both attracted to each other and want to be together, we have very different definitions of what that means and so forming a relationship has actually proved challenging. Her concepts are so different, and this is cultural. Her attachment, so unquestioned, to her concepts, categories and expectations is so naive and uninformed. She is not so small-minded, just steeped in a conformist culture that has pressured her to accept its’ views, and left her little choice. She is very intelligent, and given the willingness and access, could easily broaden her mind. Chinese girls are doing the best they can in a culture that does not encourage independent thinking or critical decision-making. I know I am hard person for these kinds of girls to know (and they are most of them), because I demand that from a girlfriend.

Chinese girls… usually very sweet, loving, generous, and often selfless. I had a girl take me out to dinner, several times, and refuse to let me pay. She has given me a lot of affection and her attitude is close to perfect. I am really impressed with her. She has made me feel very lucky.

On the flip side, the cultural and intellectual differences can be so vast, that having a satisfying, stable, relationship, as a unique person can be really hard. Guys, unless you’re willing to buy into so much of the conformist expectations of Chinese society, especially if you’re seeing a traditional girl (which is significantly more challenging for a Westerner to do well), you might think twice before you put yourself and your girl through a lot of potentially painful misunderstandings.

I like Chinese girls a lot, and they have a lot of advantages, but they are not all easy, and sometimes, even having a straightforward, emotionally neutral conversation can be very hard. Words to the wise, maybe.

Now I just have to figure out what to do with my close friend… I feel responsible for her happiness, even though I believe, ultimately, we are only responsible for our own…

GZ

Crystal- I support your active moderating of the content of this page so that it remains positive and insightful.

Even while I cannot always say complementary things about Chinese girls, I can say, that so far, on the whole, Chinese girls have so many more positive qualities than negative ones. I really appreciate the open-ness and interest of so many girls. It is far easier to get a date, ask a girl out on one and get a straight answer, and actually meet up from having met online or at a party somewhere.

Even though I think there is a widespread cultural obsession with punctuality, to the effect that some girls feel deeply offended if you’re late, it is interesting and worthwhile to learn how to respect people differently in China than in the West.

While many Chinese girls may be flaky and noncommittal here, I think many more of them are just the opposite and ready to actually develop something, many more than Western girls are.

If I could use a simple metaphor to describe the differences in attitudes of open-ness between Chinese and US American girls, it would be that most Chinese girls seem very open superficially, but harder to get to know on a deeper level, more closed on a personal level, whereas most US American girls have a strong wall, or “bitch” that repels men superficially, but if you break through that, then they are open and easy to get to know, unless they are especially guarded. However, I think there are numerous exceptions too.

I think the thing that I wish for Chinese girls is to have more confidence in themselves- their bodies, minds, attractiveness, worth, etc. So they can enjoy themselves and express their talents.