We get alot of questions about Chinese girls on our Formspring page. A Taiwan origin Chinese girls & relationship expert YHC, currently studying abroad for a year, tries to answer some of your recent questions.
Q: Do Chinese girls see western guys as brash, cocky, brazen, arrogant, overly emotional or uninhibited ect in comparison with Chinese or Asian men?
A: This is definitely a stereotype western guys have with some of the local girls. I can’t answer for all girls and all western guys but from my limited experience and some of the interactions I’ve seen between local girls and westerners I would say – if a western guy behaves this way it is very likely that this behavior would be attributed to his cultural stereotype rather than to be perceived as a singular event.
As an example, here is what a local friend of mine wrote to me about this issue:
The western guy I slept with twice was definitely brash, cocky, brazen, arrogant, and uninhibited. Having sex without proper foreplay. He didn’t know how to touch and kiss girl’s sensitive and delicate points, but he still thought that he knows a girl’s body very well, insisting that it was me who was weird. He kept talking on and on about his achievements. He kept hitting on girls all the time. The first time we met he knew I had a boyfriend and he had a girlfiend and yet he still flirted with me. Somehow, I’m not sure how, it worked.
After our second night together, we haven’t talked to each other for a few weeks. One night we met on street and had a nice talk. He found me attractive again, so he called me after I got back to my room at midnight, asking me to go to his room. I did, out of curiosity, but didn’t plan to slept with him again. While I was leaving I told him I didn’t feel well these days as I was haunted by him. I didn’t want to do this and I didn’t wanna see him anymore.
To that his response was that he never had any feelings towards me and he repeated that twice. He said that all the things we did were only physical. He didn’t think about me at all after we slept. He said something about trying to study me through some psychological theory looking at human beings’ behaviors and emotions. He was very cold and cruel with no emotion at all. He sent me away, I left. So, finally – we fucked it up, or maybe I was the one who fucked it up.
What this short real-life example might tell you about your question is that this singular event has been generalized to the entire foreigner community and in this case in the most painful way. It is obvious that there are some possible cultural influences here – the general approach and the general understanding regarding the issue of sex, etc. but the cultural differences might not only be western-Chinese, but more of male-female.
My friend finished her story asking me :
Is this possible? that he doesn’t have any feeling on me? it is true that man can treat sex and love (or emotional feeling) separately?
Ofcourse it’s possible. And it could be that this possibility of mis-understanding and emotional gap might be even stronger in a cross-cultural relationship.
Therefore, western guys looking to date local girls should take this stereotype under consideration and be ready to have to face with biases that come from mere cultural background or appearances. If we want to be more specific about this story, then guys – be considerate, understanding, open and honest. You just want sex? alright, be nice about it, make the girl feel appreciated and help her enjoy herself and you two just might find that this is what both of you want and nothing more. You want a relationship? be honest about it, treat the girl with care, and be ready to discuss her fears of stereotypes about you without any anger or frustration.
Q: Do most Asian men enjoy performing oral sex on their female partners or is it seen as demeaning? Do asian girls enjoy receiving oral sex, is this activity restricted to a younger more liberal sector of asian society who have more western exposure?
A: Regarding Asian men I would generally say that a man giving oral sex to a woman is still not an integral part of common love making. Not sure why that is. But that only goes to say that when a guy does that for us, we are grateful and happy. Naturally, we like to help our guys, and we like enjoying our bodies, just like any other girl. :)
Q: What’s the best way to approach a traditional local girl?
A: Normally, Chinese girls could be rather shy and somewhat restrained by tradition and society. It’s better to approach her delicately and without showing your romantic intentions. Just try to use some indirect way to approach her naturally and become a part of her life. Make her feel safe and comfortable, that she is respected and that you can be trusted. After a while, when you’re familiar with each other, you can delicately probe her to find out whether she might be interested in you, or ask some of your mutual friends to help you with that. If she’s indicated that she’s interested – there’s your chance. Ask her out.