Confessions of a Modern Chinese Girl : Chinese Girls and Foreigners

Chinese girls and foreigners : Zhang Ziyi and Vivi Nevo

Chinese girls and foreigners : Zhang Ziyi and Vivi Nevo

The following post was sent to us by a lovely Chinese girl who lives in  Shanghai. She is in her late 20s, enjoys a successful career with an international brand company, has traveled the world and is perhaps typical of the “modern Chinese girl” :

I’m often asked by my foreign friend what I think of when I see that a Chinese girl has a foreigner boyfriend or husband. I usually reply that it seems normal to me.

I posed the same question to my colleagues and the way they see it – those Chinese girls must have a purpose. One possible purpose is that they would like to move to live abroad, another is that they’re possibly after money or status, or perhaps they would like to show their openness and individuality to society. Some girls like to joke about wanting a mixed blood baby.

Honestly, I believe 90% of Chinese people think that way. Especially the more traditional Chinese.

My nephew said, most Chinese men who see a Chinese girl with a foreigner think she is a slut, likes to sleep around with foreigners. When Chinese guys talk like that, they’re usually very upset. I remember reading some comments on the Chinese Internet, with many Chinese men saying lots of bad words to Chinese girls who have western boyfriends.

I don’t know why Chinese men hate Chinese girls who have foreign boyfriend. Are they jealous? Are they experiencing feelings of inferiority about being shorter and less physically strong? I still don’t understand why. One funny thing is that when they see a Chinese man with a western woman, they tend to think that’s very cool. They are very happy to see Chinese men conquer western women. I find that odd.

Now I understand why my former Shanghai female colleague who was seeing a German guy didn’t answer my question about the origin of her boyfriend straight away. She explained to me that she was afraid that people would judge her. She’s now married, has baby girls, and she seems very happy with her German husband.

Maybe my colleagues are still living in the dark times of the previous century, maybe they are from countryside, but I can simply say that they have nothing in common with me. We are like 2 types of people living in two separate worlds.

She would love to hear your opinions on her dilemma and thoughts.

18 comments to Confessions of a Modern Chinese Girl : Chinese Girls and Foreigners

  • CC

    I’m a chinese who married with a french guy, honnestly, i was only touched by my husbands’ pure kids-like eyes after i’ve seen so many desired ones (to money, to power and etc…), which makes his purity very precise, of course there are kind of exotic attractions too.

    Before and after marriage, I’ve been always trying to convince him to live with me in China although there are a lot problems in china too, because i do feel much happier in china than in France. In contract with the foreigners who live in china, the more i feel in western counties is the difficulty to feel you could have same opportunity as the local since people tend to believe that chinese have either the morality problems, either can be a low-valued worker. Economy and unemployment make the situation even worse.
    As for those chinese guys who simplify the relationship and marriage as only sex and purpose, for me, they are just uncivilized, against both women and foreigners.

  • This is my first post on this site in a long time–sorry–working on my book just took all of my free time. Now I am catching my breath and may even be able to attend to my own blog!

    The first thing that I’d like to say is that I object to the idea of calling a woman a slut, whether Chinese, western, anything. It seems that, while women have to preserve themselves as pure, chaste angels, men can swing our phalluses anywhere, and are considered studs, like spreading our seed to as many nameless, faceless targets as possible only proves our masculinity. Why is it okay for men to have sex with whoever we want just for pleasure, but women are only allowed to be vessels of childbearing?

    Why do so many Chinese men have such feelings of animosity towards those women that develop relationships with western men? Surely it is more than just the obvious, sour grapes. If people can have such sexual desires as homosexuality, bondage, s&m, vanilla, role-playing, then why is it so hard to believe that a woman could be attracted to a man of another race? In other countries, bi-racial relationships are commonplace; in the US it is so common that nobody bats an eyelash. Why would China, then, be so special that a woman can only be attracted to a man from her own hometown?

    I don’t think it’s necessarily due to western men being taller or stronger; I have seen some strong and/or tall Chinese men that can’t find a girlfriend, as well as thin/fat and or short western men that have wonderful, beautiful Chinese girlfriends. And there are just as many aggressive, macho Chinese men as there are peaceful, even effeminate western men. I also don’t agree that 90% of Chinese people feel that way. I have a particular dislike for statistics, as I feel, unless they are polled from an entire population, they are a poor judge of reality. I would say that yes, many people probably feel this way, but they probably haven’t spent much time thinking about it; they merely accept it like other dogma. I don’t think it’s as widespread as you say, however, and I don’t think it is a static fact; if I believed that people’s minds could never be changed, I would never have come to China. I think the biggest obstacle, to be quite honest, is gaining the acceptance of a Chinese woman’s parents. When I met my future in-laws, I felt a bit like Sidney Poitier in “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner”. I’ve long since been accepted into the fold, but there was a time that I worried that acceptance came only from a place of knowing, had they continued to deny me, they might have lost their daughter.

    There are certain anti-miscegenation laws in China, like the one barring police or military from even dating foreigners, that raise suspicions as to who is making the important decisions. China seems to be walking a tightrope of development, whether to develop culturally or technologically, as it may be. Should xenophobic walls of isolation be torn down so that China can truly work with an international community, or should China shut out the rest of the world and just hope it can continue being China without imploding? Is it more important to be rich than it is to have friends? If all you have is money, do you believe those who surround you are more interested in your money or your friendship?

    There is the odd belief that Chinese girls “belong” to China. I once got in a bit of a scuffle with a heavily inebriated Chinese man at a bar who stuck himself in between us and stated, “她是我们中国的–she belongs to our China.” It still boggles my mind that this idiot decided that, as she comes from the same country, that he has certain property rights over her. I offer you this query: if a people refer to human beings as belonging to them, doesn’t that imply slavery to a nation? Why, then, would Chinese women offer themselves willingly to said slavery? Wouldn’t they jump at the chance for an equal relationship, as is generally offered by western men? While the heart of a Chinese woman belongs to me, she is not my property. I don’t tell her what to do, how to act, how to dress, how to live her life. Those are her own decisions. Yes, I engage in a variety of daily physical training, like weightlifting, martial arts, yoga, dance, running… but that’s not why I attracted her (at least not fully :P). I have never been in such a great relationship, and will never need to search again. I wish so many others could see how happy and healthy a relationship we have. I would like to add that I have, unfortunately, met a good number of western men who support the stereotype, that are smooth players who come here to use China as their playground. However, for every one westerner behaving this way, there are 10 or 20 Chinese men. Is it okay for Chinese men just because they are Chinese citizens making use of their property?

    Laura, I think your friend is starting to feel the same way that my better half did, that she has outgrown many of her friends. That’s fine. She’ll know who her friends are and aren’t by who judges her this way. They like to say that they are only caring for her, trying to protect her, but really they are trying to force her into a role. They don’t really care for her, they just care for an ideal they have of her. Those that accept should be happy for her as her relationship grows; those that don’t will simply fall by the wayside, and good riddance.

    • lishu

      Rick Harlow,To summarize, Chinese are still closed minded. We just opened door 20 years ago to the world. Chinese need time to adjust different mind and cultures. Yes, you are right, because of sour grapes and most of men are closed minded.Some can understand, but some can’t. Some men judge, some not. Some are very ungracious, some are better. Maybe not 90% Chinese people think same way, but when I talked many people , seems like 90%. And they are living in Shanghai…if other places, I guess much worse judgment.
      I also understand why Chinese parents worry about their daughters,different coutries still are a big problem in relationship.Not only Chinese, I talked with Jewish people, some guyes said they prefer israelis wife…
      And I understand why Chinese men are like this, jealous mind, close mind and have’t seen others thins in the world. Even they are annoying, but just need time to be open minded. AS you said, Chinese women are not slave, thats too exaggerated.

  • Julien

    YOU MAY NEVER BLAME OUR CHINESE GIRLS “HAVE A PURPOSE” ! ! ! :-( We do simply since we are not rich… ISN’T IT MAN’S RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE A LOT OF MONEY MAKING HIS GIRLFRIEND HAPPY??? Go away and stop complaining you poor people ! ! !

    • lishu

      Don’t be angry, people have freedom of speech, they said you have a purpose, but you don’t have, so what? Don’t let gossip to kill you, yes, we are living in China, sometimes when we heard some people’s annyoing words really pissed us off, but who cares close minded people? I don’t think most of girls have a purpose, most of them still care about their happiness and emotions. In past when I heard these things, i was a bit surprised and mad, but now…not anymore! no need to be angry.whatever they think, just live your life.

  • Erika

    Overgeneralizing much? Do white men complain when white women are married/dating Chinese guys? Some do of course, but there will be complainers everywhere. There is a growing trend in the 21st century where women from western countries are coming to China and not returning home. A study in 2011, by marriage agency in Beijing, found that there were over 30,000 marriages between white women and Chinese men, but that number still pales in comparison between the number of Chinese women marrying white men.

  • kenny

    Why chinese woman prefer foreigner.Has many reasons of this like , love , respect, romantic, handsome, well educated, well sexual activity, if marry can birth more babies and babies can speak two mother languages, go another country live different culture and lifestyle, not need spend to life for nonsense (buy home or car by credits), less parents stress , freedom..Hope every woman can find true lover. Wake up Chinese Woman…

  • kenny

    Why chinese woman prefer foreigner.Has many reasons of this like , love , respect, romantic, handsome, well educated, well sexual activity, if marry can birth more babies and babies can speak two mother languages, go another country live different culture and lifestyle, not need spend to life for nonsense (buy home or car by credits), less parents stress , freedom…Find true love and live long…Wake up Chinese Woman…

  • Fuking rediculous

    Is this some plan for zionist dudes to infiltrate the chinese government like they did to usa? lol by creating stereoptpes sexualizing russian and chinese women so offspring can get into russia or chinas parliament? It dosnt work retards, there are too many counter intelligence and too much bloodline ties in government. Its not like our western world of interrmarriage bloodline royalty . Go figure jews never sexualize their own women, watch out conservative muslim women, you are next. Whites already lost their women to jews long long long time ago

  • D R

    Well, why do people care that others date another race? I think the point of life is to find your love and sometimes that could mean marrying someone that looks different.

    The point of life is to produce value and be happy from the fruit of your work and the fruit of your marriage. Yes, for a culture that was so isolated for thousands of years, the influence and introduction of something foreign such as a male species, sounds biochemically contagious that the fear it takes hold in every woman’s psyche debilitates the men of the particular society being referenced.

    It is the same though for American men when they see white woman dating other races. The world as a human specie is the same in every country. We all have fears and norms about how we think of the world around us and if those norms are invaded, we tend to respond with anger and opposition to the invading “species”.

  • lishu

    After a half of year, I don’t talk this kind of things with Chinese. It’s meaningless, People can’t change unless they experienced same things or they changed their life. Men can judge you with offensive words, but you decide your life. Chinese need to walk out to the world (I know its not easy, coz government try their best to forbid you to go out like control visa), and then one day, they will be better, less juege, more understanding.

  • Indeed, Chinese people are not so open so far, not to mention when they consider about marriage.

  • stevchipmunk

    This post is written for Foreigners who may be interested in dating and having “fun” with Chinese girls (and maybe, even marry them), but who may have questions about their desirability to Chinese girls. WELL, TO THESE CAUCASIAN MEN: Let me set your mind at ease! Beneath the shy exterior of most cute Chinese girls, there rages a lustful heart that prizes the Clean Manly smell, the Power, the Aura of Wealth and Sophistication of successful Caucasian Men! SO GO FOR IT! (But make sure she is on schedule taking “protection” or a Bambino will spring forth, and you know how that can screw up your life, right?)

    As to Africans and African American Men, they seem to lack that aura of Power, Wealth and Sophistication… and to Chinese girls they sometimes do Smell Manly and Sexy (but, often really, their smell is a bit overpowering, know what I mean? But just tell them to wash more often, problem solved!

  • Slack

    They call you a “slut.”
    I have American female friends who readily acknowledge to being sluts. They just pray for more opportunities.
    One old girl is going to dress-up as a Japanese schoolgirl just to see if she can get groped.

  • Daniel Pinto

    Well I am married to a Chinese and it was love ll the way.
    When she was my girlfriend I did not have job when she landed one,at least a year before me.
    We have beeen toghtwer for 48 years now and we are loving every moment of it, I am Indian and She is of Chinese origin wea re both Malayssian nationals and what you say in tthe begining of the article of how Chinese men see it it is very true although im Malaysia it is changing.
    I have a Sikh friend also married to a Chinese, her Chinese neighbor once asked her, “Which is better, Chinese or Bayee (that is how we refer to Sikhs here) her.
    Her reply was swift, ” I really do not know, but if you are really keen to know I’ll ask my husband to have sex with you that way you’ll find out for yourself.”

  • Daniel Pinto

    Well I am married to a Chinese and it was love ll the way.
    When she was my girlfriend I did not have job when she landed one,at least a year before me.
    We have been together for 48 years now and we are loving every moment of it, I am Indian and She is of Chinese origin we are both Malaysian nationals and what you say in the beginning of the article of how Chinese men see it it is very true although im Malaysia it is changing.
    I have a Sikh friend also married to a Chinese, her Chinese neighbor once asked her, “Which is better, Chinese or Bayee (that is how we refer to Sikhs here) her.
    Her reply was swift, ” I really do not know, but if you are really keen to know I’ll ask my husband to have sex with you that way you’ll find out for yourself.”

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