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Foreign Prince On White Horse

老外白马王子
Gugu and her Trademark Smile

Gugu and her Trademark Smile

Gugu is my very good friend. I know her since high school. If I would have to choose one thing to describe her – it would be her smile. Not only she somehow manages to stay most of the time in good mood, but she is also the first person to whom me and Mrs. Li (our common friend) come with our troubles. Because she always knows how to cheer us up.

Few weeks ago I chatted with Gugu, and she confessed to sometimes fantasize about having a foreign boyfriend. I was intrigued and asked her to give me a written argument by mail ;-) why foreigner would make a good boyfriend.

Below are the excerpts from what Gugu wrote (in fact, I am translating it from Chinese). It sheds light on ideas that some Chinese girls indeed have about foreigners:

When it comes to romance, most of Chinese men are reserved and, I would say, too modest. When they meet a girl they like, they often just look at her secretly: dare to fall in love, but don’t dare to speak out.
Foreigners, however, are more enthusiastic and frank. They are better in expressing their real feelings. If foreigner likes a girl – he says it. Even if he suspects that the girl wouldn’t sympathize him back, or she already has boyfriend – he will still prefer to tell his true feelings. Because he cares less about “face” things and doesn’t think that it is wrong to like someone.

Women are women. Even if it is clear that some things cannot be taken seriously, sweet words can always make us happy. It’s a pity that most of Chinese men are so inhibited and reserved: too numb to do little romantic things. And to hear “I love you” from them is like an impossible dream.
Foreign men are different. They will greet you with a kiss, and give a goodbye kiss, and when you come back from work or go to sleep.
“I love you” is much more than it just sounds: especially when you are tired, or frustrated or sad – these words and a hug mean so much!

I don’t want to slander my countrymen. What I am trying to say is that the enthusiasm and frankness of foreigners better resonates with girls’ hearts longing for love.

Well… I believe that there are quite many foreigners fitting the description above. But what about the following?

Watching some movies it seems as if all foreigners are supermen. They can do everything: cooking, doing housework, repairing electrical devices or water pipe – nothing is a problem. With such man it’s not scary to live on uninhabited island!

And what about the looks?

… many foreigners look very handsome because they have big and blue eyes, and their eyelashes are so long!
<…>
It seems that many of them like to go to gym as they look strong.
<…>
When some foreigner passes by, I can always smell that they use perfume. It’s a pity that many Chinese men don’t have that habit.

And finally:

… kids are always very beautiful if they are mixed

Enough! Now I want to know. What should I tell my friend Gugu? Do such men indeed exist?
Well, I guess she will soon find it out by herself – since recently she has enrolled to the courses of English language…

More realistic Crystal Tao

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  • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

    Crystal,

    If Gugu is asking “are there foreign men out there who easily and frequently express love through words and actions, who are willing to share cooking and cleaning duties, who know a few things about fixing stuff in the apartment/house when it breaks, who have big blue eyes and long eyelashes, who like to work out and be fit, and who wear perfume?” — the answer is yes!

    Although probably she would have to settle for 75% of those or so with any given man. :lol: She might have to choose which ones are the most important; but, assuming a relatively healthy (mentally, emotionally and physically) Western man, most of these qualities would be expected to some degree.(except eye color of course — that varies a lot!)

    I always wondered whether Chinese women find Western men attractive and, if so, why. I hear they like tall men; I didn’t know about the eyelashes though! My fiancee says I’m shuai but I figure she just says that because she knows I like it, and she’s returning the favor of a compliment I often give her. I think she just puts up with my big nose and hairy body and manages to find something else to love about me… :roll:

    Oh, and just FYI: Western men don’t wear “perfume” — we wear “cologne.” :cool:

  • http://laowaiink.weebly.com Mark

    Ask an American why he would like an Asian girlfriend and he’d give you a similarly idealized list, and a lot of things would probably be true, as are many things on GuGu’s list, but anytime someone fantasizes about an entire hemisphere (foreign doesn’t only mean Caucasian), they’re setting themselves up for disappointment. On the flip side, if that’s what she’s really looking for, then the West is a better choice for hunting. Good luck to her.

    My eyelashes are mad long, my wife is really jealous.

  • EuropeanGirl

    I think that many girld share the same dream with Gugu. But in reality I don’t know how easy it is to find that man who is all that. All the foreing countries are different and even inside Europe we are really different from each other. So when you say foreigner do you mean someone from USA?

    There are lots of good foreign men in China looking for the right girl, but Chinese girls should also be careful. Some guys only want to have fun. Some guys don’t get lucky in their own countries and that’s why they come to China where they might have a chance because they are white. I’ve seen this happening all the time.

    And also I have to say a word to defend Chinese guys. At least my boyfriend gives me lots of kisses and I love you’s. And he is so handsome with his Asian eyes and black hair :)

    I think for a girl it’s good not to settle for a something ok, but still remember that no one is a superman or a superwoman.

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    @TLB: you just reminded me about big nose! Big nose is a BIG PLUS!!! :razz: GuGu mentioned it, and I myself think that big noses are nice – so you already have two Chinese girls thinking that big noses are great.
    As for eyelashes, I know some Chinese moms who cut the edges of eyelashes of their newborn babies believing that it will make them grow longer!

    @EuropeanGirl: Gugu didn’t specify if she meant specifically American men. In fact, I remember that she gave me example of some British actor whom she found very attractive.
    By the way, you have a very nice blog!

  • Brian I

    Well not being a white male I can definitely say I do not have blue eyes haha, although Im taller then the average male from China I can also say Im on the shorter side of Americans coming in at an impressive 5’8 ;-) …umm the whole superman thing, even if you find a man who can do those things, the hard part is finding one who wants to do all those things haha atleast on your time. I have played sports my whole life so Im in decent shape (not like my highschool athlete days though haha even though Im only 23) but for every man in shape there is one who isnt anywhere close to even being considered healthy.

    In every country you will find the good and the bad male/female but everyone has there own preference…Personally I dont care where the person is from, if she is a good woman then I will be attracted to them no matter what color or culture.

  • ahkiwi

    ni hao Crystal (& ni hao Gugu)

    Gugu sounds like one of those rare friends, don’t let her go Crystal!

    It’s interesting to hear the other side of things and not from a dispassionate “survey”.

    I can’t speak for all foreigners only myself but I can indeed cook, do housework (even sewing & ironing though not very well) and fix things (sometimes). I don’t, however, go to the gym or work out though.

    Not all foreigners are light and sunshine, nor are they all extroverts (and not all have blue eyes or long eyelashes :razz: ), some of us are shy and quiet but with a little prodding will use the words “I love you” or “Wo ai ni” if you prefer.

    TBL is right in that not all, probably most, western men aren’t able to do everything on Gugu list … especially the cooking and housework parts :lol:

    Western men also wear “aftershave” (same thing as cologne – definitely not perfume :cool: )

  • Arnold

    Crystal , I’m just the Western Man Gugu is looking for .. but I’m also Married already . Learning from my Wife , I know exactly what you’re talking about . How the Chinese Men act to their Lady’s / Wife’s , I see it with my new In-laws and also was told of this and the Eyelash thing . My Wife’s Mom apologized to her Daughter doing this to her when she was a Baby still . It did not do any good at all , believing they will grow longer that way .
    Again , thank you for a wonderful Blog and the time you put into this to help People with so many Article’s on Chinese Women .

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    It seems, that if Gugu compromises about blue eyes – she will have a BIIIG choice! :lol:

    • Matthew

      I am Canadian and have brown hair big blue eyes and long eyelashes. Although I currently own my own business, at one time I was a chef. Yes I clean, iron cloths and fix most everything around the house. I think Gugu’s words are fairly accurate.

  • TLB

    She can always marry a guy who wears contacts and make him buy blue ones! ;-)

  • Dave

    Crystal,
    You can tell GuGu that, yes there are lots of western men that fit that description.

  • Uber

    Say I love you: Check
    Outgoing: Check
    Cooking, House Work, Fixing: Check Check Check
    Big, Blue Eyes with Long Eyelashes: Check No (Hazel) Check
    Goes to gym: Sometimes but not enough to get rid fo the belly yet.
    Perfume: Cologne but yeah, Check.
    Mixed children are beautiful: Um… I guess it’d depend on the parents but Chinese seem to like them anyway.

    So yeah, for your friend it sounds like a foreigner might be a good idea. Lots of foreigners fit her ideal here but she ignores the culutural problems that will occur. As long as she’s open minded about other cultures, willing to compromise with him and easy going she’d probably do well. But, except for the big blue eyes, I know some Chinese guys who would fit this description as well, though it’s probably more common in the West, especially the cooking, cleaning and fixing part…

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Dave,
    I don’t need to tell Gugu anything, since I know that she follows the comments to this post (with the help of dictionary, though) :razz:

  • Behind Blue Eyes

    It is true many men fit her descriptions. Including myself.
    Big Blue Eyes, and Long Eye Lashes: At least one compliment a day. While in China it went up 10 fold.

    Can cook: Worked in an Italian restaruant in high school, and my step mother always had us kids help.

    Fix Things: Well thats what fathers love to teach their boys. Anything from cars to anything that can be fixed in a house. Many men pride themselves as do it your selfers. And we can be very stubborn about it.

    Housework: Many western countries the parents cut the proverbial cord at 18 so if you dont do housework cleaning, cooking, laundry you are just an animal haha. Many of us learn it at an early age.

    Going to the gym: For me it is a must. Of course it helps us look good, but in the long run it helps us live a longer more productive life.

    At an early age western men are breed as Renaissance men. Not always in art, cultural, and music, but to be self suffecient.

  • http://www.magnoliaarts.com TLB

    Okay men, back off, this is not a job interview! :roll:

  • Behind Blue Eyes

    Frankly, I didnt look at it as a job interview. I looked at it as a way to put in my two cents. That is why we are here right?

  • ahkiwi

    I’m sure I had a white horse around here somewhere ……
    :razz:

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    Recently I heard a joke:
    “I am not picky. Not waiting for a prince coming on white horse – it can be white BMW” :lol:

  • James

    Great blog Crystal although I think “European girl” is living in denial about her own situation when she says

    “Some guys don’t get lucky in their own countries and that’s why they come to China where they might have a chance because they are white. I’ve seen this happening all the time.”

    There is a funny sterotype of a white girl who goes out with a chinese boy in my country (Australia). This is because its incredibly rare for white women to find chinese men to be physically attractive. The few girls that do go out with chinese guys are generally teased by other girls for not being able to do any better and for being to ugly to date a white guy.

    I think European girl needs to take a look at herself before she makes fun of others.

  • EuropeanGirl

    James, Sorry about making too big of a generalisation, but I know that kind of white guys who want to have some fun and in the end the girl gets her heartbroken. I just wanted to remind Chinese girls to be careful and find out what kind of guy they are deeling with before going too deep in a relationship. But of course there are lots of handsome and gorgeous white guys in China that are decent, lovely and just looking the right girl.

    But this is actually a first time that I hear something similar being said about white girls. (So really interesting to hear about it.) For my self I can only say that when I met my Chinese boyfriend in a bar there was also one white guy interested in me but I can’t help it that I usually feel more attracted to Chinese guys.

    Also need to be said that the looks is of course not the most important thing about a person. But if you are looking for a serious relationship (possibly leading to a marriage) you should find out if he/she wants the same thing too. I’ve seen girls get hurted so lets be careful sisters :)

  • gugu

    Wow, I am so happy and surprised to get so many comments. Thanks everyone.
    In fact, both boys and girls always describe or imagine how their gfs or bfs would be like before they have. When it comes true, you will realize that you don’t follow what the “standards” you planned when you fall in love with someone because you love him/her as whom he/she is. So everything is relative.
    No matter it’s blue eyes or not, honestly speaking, I found many foreigners’ eyes are attractive and special as many other Chinese girls think.
    I am grateful for some commenters’ kind suggestions which make me feel very warm.
    The matter of fact is that I am not crazy about any foreign guys blindly instead of Chinese. I am just honest about what I am thinking and so far, I haven’t found my love in China. Even though the nagging from my parents makes me tired and stressed, I don’t want to find just anyone to marry as I think marriage is a very serious thing and we should be responsible for our decision.
    I am ashamed to say that my English is too poor to understand or express myself without help from my good friend or dictionary. But if you have enough patience and want to make friend with me, welcome to contact me at HRG1126002@126.COM.

  • James

    European girl I read your posts and to me it sounds like you are very bitter towards white males, my guess is most likely due to rejection, men of any nationality are just as likely to treat women well or poorly you. Where they come from has nothing to do with it.

    I must admit I’m very suprised you have never heard that you would be considered an unnatrative, nerdy white girl before. However it is unlikely people would say it to your face but surely you must have noticed most white girls would never even consider dating a chinese guy. Surely you must notice that there are far more white men with Asian women than the other way around? Your position is hardly suprising.

    This is not being said to be cruel to you rather I’m merely being brutally honest. I could say more but I’ll let this Columbia University study on racial preferences in dating do the talking.

    http://faculty.chicagobooth.edu/emir.kamenica/documents/racialPreferences.pdf
    From the study:

    “For male partners, our main finding is that Asians generally receive lower ratings than men of other races. In fact, when we run the regressions separately for each race, we find that even Asian women find white, black, and Hispanic men to be more attractive than Asian men.”

    So the reason why you see lots of white men with Asian women is that Asian women find white men more (at least physically) attractive. The reason you see very few white women with Asian men as that they find them (at least physically) less attractive.
    As you (European girl) can not get a white mate you date downwards (Asian guy) to find love.

    However you will never admit you are not very attractive as it is too damaging to your ego so you will create your own reality such as saying you prefer chinese guys to make your position easier to bear as no one wants to admit they can’t do better. This is human nature.

    There are many more studies on this topic proving my point, a quick google search can discover them. It is called human-biodiversity. So before you want to go bring Chinese women or white men down or whoever else has wronged you just remember where you are in the scale of things.

    • Chris

      There is also a stereotype – I see this all the time, 40 year old nerdy bald white guy with a 25 year old Asian woman hanging off his arm.

      I must admit I’m very surprised you have never heard that you would be considered an unattractive, nerdy white guy before. However it is unlikely people would say it to your face but surely you must have noticed most attractive white girls would never even consider dating a nerd like you, who actually uses journal articles to politely harass the personal opinions of others. The journal article also states that “We similarly find that female Asian partners are consistently rated as less attractive.”

      However you will never admit you are not very attractive as it is too damaging to your ego so you will create your own reality such as saying you prefer chinese girls to make your position easier to bear as no one wants to admit they can’t do better. This is human nature. Surely you must notice that there are many white “nerdy” guys head over to places like Thailand and China to get “obedient, Asian” wives who seek green cards. What a convenient exchange?

      So before you want to go bring Chinese men or white women down or whoever else has wronged you just remember where you are in the scale of things.

      That being said, I have nothing against “nerds”.. but I definitely am disgusted by weaklings who try to hurt others’ feelings by “proving” that others are inferior and they themselves are superior. A “polite eff-off” is much worse than just an “eff-off”.

      Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, like it or not. :)

    • Teacher in China

      Totally too far James, wasn’t justifiable to go getting personal like that. Despite your attempts to seem detached, you definitely went too far in lobbing polite personal insults at someone you don’t even know.

  • Andrew

    James :evil:
    I read European Girl’s comments and found nothing to justify a personal attack of such scale. She even apologized to generalize though she didn’t need to. But you just continued the attack on personal level.
    Besides that, your comments about attraction towards Chinese males are super-racist, even if you mask them with scientific terms of human biodiversity. Nazis also used social darwinism to scientifice their theories of racial supremacy.

  • Erik

    Wow!

    Did somebody wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

  • EuropeanGirl

    Andrew, I was really happy to see your comment this morning :) I think the same way that James’ comment was getting racist towards Asian males and I just can’t tolerate that.

    James, I’m not sure should I even answer to your outrageous comment. I read it last night and decided to wait until morning before writing. I have nothing against white guys and your guess about the rejection was totally wrong.

    And yes I am well aware that there are much more white man and asian woman couples than the other way around. I also know that most of my white friends wouldn’t consider dating a Chinese guy. But that doesn’t mean that I’m dating downwards! I’m sure all those white (black or any color) girls would get angry after reading your comment.

    And I don’t know what right you have to comment on my personal looks. It’s pointless here to try to convince you that I’m not ugly, but I think you should pay more attention to what you write even you are making it anonymous.

    I am also really surprised that you get so angry and aggressive because of my comment. Why is that?

    And finally I want to say that my purpose isn’t bringing Chinese women or white men down. I just see wrong things happening around me and wanted to remind girls to take care.

  • Justin Liu

    There there, James no one here was trying to make you look bad. You’re doing a fine job all by your lonesome.

    While what you say or think is pretty inconsequential, I do feel sorry however, for the poor chinese girls who decide to give you a chance. Maybe because it might mean a step up in life for her or even that she mistakenly thought you were a decent human being, only to end up being used and mistreated by you, the prick that you are.

    As for your study about racial preference by Fisman et al. I can forgive those women in the control group because they obviously haven’t met me ;-)

  • Justin Liu

    Almost forgot, here is the cartoon strip I was talking about on euro girls blog. Story basically goes geeky Expat goes to Japan suddenly becomes a super stud who’s only weakness is the western girl who deflates super stud’s ego and makes him feel self-conscious.

    A rather apt story for our situation here no?

    http://karatethejapaneseway.com/photos/charisma_man_01.jpg

  • Kage Musha

    Say I love you: Check
    Outgoing: What is defenition of outgoing, not crazy for sure ;-)
    Cooking, House Work, Fixing: Check, Check, Check
    Big, Blue Eyes with Long Eyelashes: Nop, Nop, Check
    Goes to gym: I’m slim O_o
    Perfume: Check.
    Mixed children are beautiful: Sorry, ethnical Chinese :P

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Anyone who wants to apply his candidature can look below and find Gugu’s mail address (in the comment that she left) ;-)

      By the way, I installed the nested comments option – so from now you can leave reply to a specific comment…

  • TLB

    Wow, things started poppin’ around here, didn’t they? :shock:

    @James, your comments constituted a personal attack that has no place in a civil forum for the exchange of ideas, and the subsequent slammings of your post are warranted. However, I disagree that your comments were “racist” — you were just citing statistics — nor do I think the subsequent name calling toward you was helpful in the discussion.

    @EuropeanGirl, sorry you had to endure this, and I’m glad some folks came riding to your defense (on white horses?) :grin:

    One thing to remember with studies and statistics is that though they may be generally applicable, they have no bearing on any one case. That most white women don’t feel attracted to Chinese men has no bearing on EuropeanGirl’s tastes.

    Oh, and as a white man, I in no way feel diminished that EuropeanGirl prefers Chinese men — geez, I hope white women aren’t all offended that my fiancee is Chinese! :?:

  • korean_guy

    Sounds like Gugu wants to date a foreigner and I’m sure there are plenty of foreigners willing to hook up with Gugu. So what is holding her up from dating one? Or is she already hooking up?

  • David R.

    Gugu – I think you should be careful out there. Western men have their faults just like men from everywhere else. Being one myself, I can tell you that it is not uncommon for a Western man, just like any other man, to promise you the world with a short-term fling in mind. Sure, there are plenty of expat men in China who really are looking for the real deal, but I would say most of them are not. Idealism aside, it can be very difficult to tell the difference between the two; especially when emotions are involved.

  • http://www.speakingofchina.com Jocelyn

    Interesting post, and discussion. I was particularly dismayed to see the remarks by James towards European Girl. James, being a white man doesn’t make you inherently “better” just as being Asian (or Chinese) doesn’t make you less of a person.

    I agree w/ many others in echoing that Gugu will probably never find a man who could live up to her wish list. Gugu should also remember this: there are great Western men out there, but not every Western man is a great guy. Make sure you see past the laowai look and behavior, and get to really know who “he” is — don’t be lulled into thinking is is good merely b/c he’s a foreigner.

    • Chris

      It is quite ironic, that James’ argument can be applied perfectly well to himself. I found it rude and full of malice.

  • Jake

    @ James

    That “study” you posted has a huge selection bias. If you’ll note the sample, it’s taken from women who joined a dating service. Most of these women in general are only looking for a certain type.

    Also, if you ever check out California sometime you’ll be surprised by the number of Asian men dating White girls. Heck, even Al Gore’s daughter is married to a Chinese guy.

  • FYIADragoon

    The friend’s top portion is right, but the rest reeks of overblown expectations? Big eyes define the appearance of foreign men? :/ With that kind of thinking, even the ugliest guy could become appealing easily.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      … which in some cases is true: many notice that quite averagely looking westerners are considered rather atractive in China.

      • TLB

        That’s interesting in itself; I also hear that some Chinese actresses considered very beautiful by Westerners are considered so-so in China.

        I want to go where 6 foot tall white men with grey hair in their 50s are understood to be obviously superior to everyone else… :shock:

        okay maybe that wouldn’t work… :roll:

        • CaseyOrourke

          I don’t know about that….. I’m 5’9″ over 50 and have grey hair and my wifes friends are so jealous of her because, according to them, I have all those traits that they find so appealing in a western man.

  • http://www.filination.com/blog Fili

    It doesn’t really matter that much if this is “true” or not. It’s enough that this is what she feels, and in a way – those are self-fulfilling prophecies where evidence supporting the theory will be highlighted over that which doesn’t. So for her, it might work our to be true. This is the danger with stereotypes, as there is sometimes no way of moving away from them.

    Western boys are more romantic? supermen? not too sure about that. You could also argue for more “macho”, more aggressive, less gentle, overly outspoken. But as it always is with over generalizations, it doesn’t reflect the diversities in either culture.

  • Singer Wang

    Hey Crystal, is Gagu still single? I am a Chinese born but raised in Canada man. Still single and she looks cute :) Any chance you can pop her my email?

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      No problem, I will give her your e-mail.
      But if you want to make it quicker – scroll few comments down, and you will see the comment left by Gugu (not Gagu ;-) ) herself – she put her e-mail address there. If you write to her in Chinese, that would be awesome.

      • RegnisTheGreat

        I will but I can only speak/understand Chinese.. English it will be then..

  • CaseyOrourke

    As of June 24th Ying and I celebrated our 6th anniversery (our 5th actually together). I knew I was far from being a prince on a white horse so I asked her what was it about me she liked. She said I had a good heart. I never got angry at her, even when she yelled at me. I am always ready to complement her cooking, ready to give her a hug kiss for no reason other than to say I love her.

  • Kungfu Steve

    Crystal,

    Gugu has a very pretty smile, (as do you :) ),
    but she has to be careful. There are many men here in
    usa that do not fit her dream. What she sees comes mostly
    from the movies, which is not a true representation of
    reality.

    When I was 17, I walked past a house where I heard a man screaming and yelling at a woman in the house. She was forced to do all the cooking and cleaning, and treated like a slave. She was abused and not loved or respected.
    I really wanted to go in there and beat him! But at that
    time, I was too young and weak. :(

    There are many cases of this happening here. Men pretending to be nice, then when the woman is here, they treat the woman as a slave, making her life HELL. The woman may have nowhere to go, no money, no friends, and no way to escape her bad situation.

    There are even groups of men who trick woman, and force them into being Prostitutes. The woman are locked up, never to be allowed to leave.

    Also, Not every man here works out. Usa has some of the
    fattest and unhealthiest men known to exist.

    As for displaying of feelings, not all men here are good with communication. Its a huge reason why there is so much divorce.

    Many men are not mechanics either. There are some men who if they tried to fix something, would make it worse.

    Many men dont cook, or you wont want to eat what they do
    try to cook. Many lazy men here, who wont help with chores around the house too.

    I could go on and on. Im not trying to sound or be negative. Just realistic.

    Btw- While I may be a nice guy… can cook a little,
    fix simple things and am in Ok physical shape… Im
    poor, and find it hard to support myself, let alone another. I would say that there are a lot of men in this
    position as well.

    Her dream is not impossible… but it is not going to
    be easy as she thinks.. and can be downright dangerous
    as well. I wish the her the best of luck, and hope she
    does not fall prey to a predator or abusive situation.

    I thought Id mention, that both my father and stepfather
    were abusive men. Beat & Terrorized us kids as well as
    beat my mother. Only one of them cooked and was not good
    at it. My real father gambled all our money away. Couldnt
    fix a thing, and made things worse when he tried. Step father was not much better either.

    • James

      You’re going to frighten the poor girl. Situations like yours are a minority. At least where I live.

      • James

        I’m not the rascist James from the bottom comments.

        • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

          Put a gravatar and you won’t be confused with someone else ;-)

      • lesson

        Ive talked to others who have has similar childhoods. My bosses wife’s parents made her eat soup that was made so poorly, she expelled it. Afterwords, they made her EAT her Expelled food.

        I can tell you there are plenty of crazy and abusive people in the USA, let alone other places in the world.

        The wealthy ones generally are not looking for a foreign Asian girl for a serious relationship. For one, there is communication issues. Next would be fears of her trying to marry for residence and or money. They will more likely
        choose an American born Asian if that is what they are
        looking for.

        Plenty of men are going to say exactly what she wants
        to hear. Some lies, some exaggerations, many things not able to be known because of the distances and ability to hide things.

        Its dangerous, and so I feel someone like this should be
        well warned… least she end up tortured and unhappy the
        rest of her lifetime.

    • China Shark Mike

      Kung Fu Steve sure you didn’t get your post from a movie of the week. Where do you live that you had to endure such atrocities in America? For you being poor, I think many times it’s because people are too frightened to go to college. I personally graduated from university at the ripe age of 36. I am not trying to flame you yet your situation is an extreme circumstance just like Crystal stated. If she is a reasonably intelligent person she will not be tricked into becoming a prostitute or a slave for just any foreigner.

  • J.

    This is bullshit. She’s overly idealistic about white men. Here are some of her most outrageous claims:

    1. “enthusiasm and frankness of foreigners better resonates with girls’ hearts longing for love.”
    Oh really. I suppose she really believes that when guys so “I love you” to girls, we do it because we truly love them rather than just want to have sex with them. The divorce rate in the US is a lot higher than that of China. I’m sure Tiger Woods said “I love you” to all his holes.

    2. “Watching some movies it seems as if all foreigners are supermen…”
    Basing the description of a race using fictional movies is a brilliant idea. I guess we can deduce that white men are more likely to turn into zombies given that the US has more zombie films than China.

    3. “It seems that many of them like to go to gym as they look strong.”
    Statistically, the obesity rate in the US is higher than that of China. In fact, it’s probably one of the highest in the world.

    well, I think there’s nothing wrong with her liking foreign (white) men, but most of her reasons are shit. I like white girls but my reason is very clear and factual. I think they are just hot and have gorgeous eyes.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Indeed, there are many different movies – and some of them are quite scary (I don’t mean zombie films, but those depicting the ugly reality).
      Just depending on personal characteristics people tend to remember good or bad things better. There are many Chinese who basing on movies draw a very negative picture about Americans in their minds.
      My friend Gugu, however, is optimistic – thus, she more often sees the bright side of things. Whether this is naive or not – I don’t know, but I wholeheartedly wish her happiness and hope that she will find it.

      • James

        I don’t think a knowledgable friend like Crystal would let her friend get duped by a bad western guy. Or any guy for that matter.

    • China Shark Mike

      J. obviously slighted because of Asian descent, not cool dude.

  • RegnisTheGreat

    So, Crystal. Give us the goods on Gugu here (I posted earlier but I decided not to use my real name). What’s her age? That’s important..

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Let me write her e-mail again here, and if you have a question – please drop her a message.
      HRG1126002@126.COM

  • http://lovelovechina.com Cap’n Rad

    Regnis = pervert.

    Sounds like Gugu would fit quite well with the likes of my mates and me. We’re all pretty nonchalant, loose, have a good time and all. But that would be most waiguoren. I guess we’re just like that. If she (or you) want to date one of us… there’s probably only about 400,000 of us left. Get a move-on, girls!!! ;-)

    • RegnisTheGreat

      Cap’n Rad = Idiot.

      1) Crystal is married and if she wants to cheat, she’ll easily find a guy better then you.

      2) The reason I ask for an age is I only date people within a certain age range. For me, that’s 25-33. (I’m 31)

  • http://lovelovechina.com Cap’n Rad

    “HRG1126002@126.COM” Whoah… ‘old on a seconT Is that gugu’s email? I should really learn to read past the first comment on a blog. In Chongqing too? She’s gotta be loving all the marriage/dating/ons coming her way! Be good, girl! Stay good!

  • Dayeth

    “Because he cares less about “face” things and doesn’t think that it is wrong to like someone.”

    What benefits does a white person have in china? Not being able to lose face due to not having one.

    I remember a meeting in Shandong . My GF at the time thought it would be a good idea to meet “business men”.
    Meet with 40 top level executives of coal mining companies at a university. They had a few English teachers
    who thought it would be a “Great idea” for me to show up.

    Any ways long story short I showed up drunk babbled about American holidays getting every single date wrong. Then pretty much spent the whole time babbling about
    going green and how the coal industry needs better safety standards. Mind you I’m in over opinionated 22 year old college kid. Every single school representative there dropped their jaw. Amazingly they still applauded me as I left.

    Funny thing is later that month I met half of them at the Qingdao beer festival. I talked to a few of them and found out they were impressed with how I stood up there and talked about my concerns for another country. They also liked the fact I wasn’t scared to offend any one and only told the truth as I saw it.

    I fully agree with most of her views on American guys. I have seen many fools fall flat on their face confessing love to girls who they knew would reject it.
    Idk if it’s our market system, but American guys love going to home improvement shops to learn to fix things themselves (including many ethnicity). I guess it’s the whole concept of owning your own house. It’s your house so you should fix it not the person you rent it from, AND yes college guys love to cook, it’s our only escape from the school food.

  • Cheung Wai Lan

    Thoughts on Gugu’s comments below…

    “I love you” is much more than it just sounds: especially when you are tired, or frustrated or sad – these words and a hug mean so much!

    That’s a tricky and personal issue. Those exact words can have very specific meaning. Many men I know will be very careful using those words as it can give the impression that the relationship is more serious than it intended. Personally, I have only used those 3 words sincerely with one or two serious girlfriends, but others will use it in every relationship.


    “It seems that many of them like to go to gym as they look strong.”

    Gym culture in the UK is strong. Not everyone, but quite a few people (guys and girls) visit the gym 2-3 times a week, including me. For guys weightlifting is quite common and it is generally seen as a attractive trait to be reasonably muscular in London. I have definitely noticed that the only Chinese guys I see in London who are well built are born here.

  • China Shark Mike

    Number one answer I receive from all Chinese women is that they like our big eyes and big noses. Prefer a stronger more broad body and shoulders. Golden hair and blue eyes is always another phrase I hear a lot. Fortunately I have dirty blonde hair and grey eyes that seem to change to blue to green depending on what color shirt I’m wearing.

  • China Shark Mike

    Another side note Chinese women do like muscular men very much so. What type of man makes you feel safe, {the geek or the guy with big guns}. I am heavily tattoed so I receive even more attention. Anymore I feel like the proverbial boy toy for Chinese women just wanted to date the bad boy types. 2 yrs ago I’de have been happy with that. Unfortunately I’m older now and just looking for the right one to settle down with. My expectations are not the same as when I first arrived here 20 months ago. Everything is about what you can do for me or what you can buy for me. A friend of mine {41 twice divorced} simply explained that I should expect to be used because that means I have good value and that’s the most important. This is from a woman who has 2 Masters and 1 Bachelors degree. Money is god in Chinese culture. If you ain’t got it you’ll never marry Chinese in China. There are exceptions to the rules yet 90% of the time it all boils down to how big your wallet is. So I’ve put off a serious relationship in lieu of saving money for my business that I’ll start next summer. I’ve learned so much about the culture living here 24/7. Understanding the modern Chinese mindset is a daunting task to say the least. Dated poor, middle class, rich, educated, etc so I’m waiting patiently because I will persavere in the long run. It’s ironic that culture shock has finally kicked in after 18 months of living here.

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      Since you are looking for the ONE and ONLY – she will naturally be an exception from rules. I hope that once you find the lady of your heart, you will forget about statistics of any kind.

  • Bored in Sydney

    I was interested to read the checklist from your friend here as it was kind of what first attracted me to a Chinese girl many years ago. She was a feminine lady, cute and as I found later a very passionate woman. However not a princess, she was also a great cook and as an engineer from China she could also fix stuff. She is kind of stylish these days although I feel she is typical of modern Chinese style which means that it has to be an expensive brand and often does not really suit her, but she perceived that expensive + brand = style, far from reality and European women get this one, hardly any Asians do. Her weakness is tidiness, she is a messy, dirty woman and her home is fit for a pig, you would never imagine such a pretty lady came out of that mess.

    Very different from most women I had met until that time anyway, she certainly caught my attention, still does in a way.

    On my side I also meet your friend’s checklist, over foot tall, athletic, able to fix or build most things but also have a masters in business and successful career. I drive a German car and know how to invest. BUT I am a normal human so I know that my ability to have a choice of partner makes me too fussy. Having been spoilt by choice of attractive western and asian women I look for a very special partner. Greedy princesses who want to be kept women are out for me, no chance. Unless they can match and compliment my own ability to have a great life, I am better off without them.

    If a guy wants to find a good Chinese woman who he can understand culturally I suggest looking at home. A woman who has already lived in and adapted to your home culture is far easier to partner with than someone living in China, unless you want to move there forever to become Chinese yourself (unlikely, unless your life sucks at home)

  • heilongj

    As for the Western men who “don’t do to well at home” and the “ones who just want to play.” Yes, both are here, but it’s not as simple as all that. At home, I’m plain, average, just like everyone else. In my city, even though it’s very culturally diverse, a Chinese girl is very exotic, strange, different. Here, I can be the one who is interesting, exciting and new. It gives me a sense of bravery I lacked at home. I actually am quite handsome, and modestly successful but it’s easier for me to believe in myself when I have those other things going for me too. I guess I’m one of those guys.

    As for the playboy thing, Chinese people and Westerners have very different attitudes about sex. At least on the surface of things. Many of the more traditional girls in China seem to treat sex, or any overtly sexual act as a confirmation of their intentions to form a serious relationship. To us, sexual compatibility is something we want to have confirmed before we take someone seriously. Sure, some guys just want to sleep around as much as they can. Some guys want to know if the milk is good before they buy the cow. I guess I’m one of those guys too!

    I’m also the kind of guy who wants to have a wife and a family and can’t wait for the day he finds the woman who will give me those things. If that list is what gugu’s looking for, it shouldn’t be that hard. She’s describing me to a T, and like I said, I’m average for a foreigner, I think! Haha, except I’m taller than most(194cm) !

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      I can understand when you say that being in new exotic country can reveal some hidden qualities (bravery) in you. I guess that it works both ways. This is one of the positive moments in inter-cultural relationships.

      I myself living currently abroad sometimes think that I behave not like Crystal Tao who lived in Chongqing :oops:

      • http://wanderingamericantravelblog.blogspot.com/ WanderingAmerican

        Crystal, I’m curious about what happened with Gugu. Did she meet her foreign prince yet? It’s been a few months.

        • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

          I don’t know if she found a foreign prince, but I know that she is studying English like crazy :grin:

  • Superbegita

    Hello everyone! first of first i want to thanks you Crystal for have accept my request on facebook! So aftrer that i have ad Guru on MSN…of course sheh have not accepted yet^^ just add her a few hours.

    Well humm so i introduce me i am a guy a white guy who is on the website JapanGuide maybe some of you already know it? well if ot’s not the case it’s a website for interpals between else for everyone!

    I have read almost the comments the comments and i am agree with the warnings myself i have help a young girl (around 17/18) to take care about that..because most of mens just want sex.

    For told you the little story she have posted a topic for know why most of white guys etc asked her as girlfriend like that without know her etc..so i have helped her and since we are goods friends.She have helped me to better understand Chinese girls (fro say the true i have a crush on them).

    I nderstand very well the Guru story i mean his expectations and yes she can find this type of guy for sure ..of course it would not be easy..for find it and after that for build something who will last for long time!

    I am not going to told you my complete story (except if you want know better) but i am seeking a Chinese girl for a true relationship..i don’t seek some random sex or other things like that.

    So Crystal if you could talk to her for me it would be nice..as that i could know her beter and between else help her a lot.I have much friends japanese or others and i tazlk often to htem so i could give her some goods advices i think and why not more if we like each others ^^

    I am french of nature my mother language is french i can sepak and write english without problem and i begin since 1 month to learn Chinese with my penpals (and the books as well like we have advertise me to buy). i am 26 years old and live in France at Saint Etienne du Rouvray near to Rouen (about 200km to Paris)

    • Anonymous

      Superbegita,

      Your offer is kind, but please don’t offer to help her with her English. Your English is not that good and you’ll cause more harm than good.

      • http://wanderingamericantravelblog.blogspot.com/ WanderingAmerican

        SNAP!

  • Superbegita

    ah ! i went to forgot! if she want i can also help her in english! and why not french if she want to learn it^^

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      I left her a message.
      But you’d better look up the previous comments, and find the one left by GuGu herself – there you will see her e-mail.

  • Pete

    It makes me smile that Gugu likes that foreigners use cologne but in one of your articles Crystal, you warn against it. Thank goodness for individual preference… now I wander if Gugu ever heard of brown eyed handsome men?! :razz:

  • Meng

    WOW~~ I knew as soon as I saw the heading that there would be a lot of comments. Scroll down to see…. 76 comments!! :lol: I love this site.

    So–Crystal–really, you warned against cologne? I’ve never gotten that reaction, rather to the contrary. I use Issey Miyake sparingly, which my Chinese girlfriend loves so much that, after I put a little on, she’ll get up in there and breathe it in off my neck. I guess each to their own.

    Anyways–I think many of the comments on this thread are inappropriate–Gugu is just fine in looking around. Maybe she’ll find a Chinese boyfriend, but you can’t fault her for an interest in western men, especially since her good friend Crystal has found love in such.

    There are quite a few generalizations about Western men all being a certain way and Chinese men being another way, and it’s just that–generalization. Certain stereotypes are just not true–”American men are all fat” (China is statistically the most obese country in the world). “Chinese men don’t go to the gym” (go to any big city and you’ll see tons of gyms full of Chinese men doing bench presses all day long).

    To be honest, it’s quite cute when Gugu makes such speculations about fantasy men, because they are just that–speculation–but it is not cute when guys are making bitter, racist comments that are just that–bitterness. If you haven’t lived in a place, don’t make ignorant judgments. If you have, you’re pretty oblivious.

    I’m also pretty curious to see how Gugu’s search for what she feels is the perfect man. She’s pretty cute so I’m sure she has found somebody since the original post. Is he western? Is he Chinese? Does he go to the gym and can he fix her plumbing as well as her heart? If she’s still single–good luck, Gugu! I’m sure he’s out there!

    • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

      When you talk about obesity in China – I guess that you mean the absolute numbers. But regarding the percentage of obese people in the general population, China is far from being the most obese country in the world. I hardly can see how any country would deprive U.S. of this title ;-)
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obesity_in_China
      http://www.nationmaster.com/red/graph/hea_obe-health-obesity&b_map=1

      • Meng

        Actually, Crystal, I mean that China has the highest proportion of fat folk. Chubby, plump, tubby, roly-poly, plus-sized, portly, flabby, big-boned, corpulent, heavy-set, however you want to say it. In the past, the US got as high as #9 on real lists, not speculative polls by private organizations. Mexico was often found at #1. On real lists, like WHO, not speculative ones, the US has never been #1, although I think 10 years ago it reached #3. China was, until recently, as low as #30 or so. However, with the increase of fast food and such things in the big cities, the number of obese Chinese folk has gone through the roof. Also, physical education in schools has gone way down in priority, and, although there are some guys doing tons of bench presses to make their upper chests huge, there is still very, very little real exercise (ping pong and badminton don’t count). I know several “villages” that have populations in the 100,000s but only one gym in the entire town. I have even seen Australia listed recently on many of these sites as the #1 most obese country. One site even lists American Samoa with 93.5%, which is just ridiculous and fallacious, another lists Nauru with 94.5%. Can you imagine what these places would look like if this were reality and not just speculation based on a small polling of the population? Nauru would sink into the ocean. Also remember that, in China, obesity is very often abdominal obesity, which is not, for some reason, figured into WHO’s BMI calculations. There is also a difference between “obese” (BMI>30) and “overweight”(BMI>25), so when you look at these sites, they may not know where their own figures come from. Each country has its own definition of what is obese and what is overweight. Right now, over 1/5 of the world’s overweight or obese people are in China. That’s a scary thought. But, again, speculation. My point is, China has since knocked the US off its obese throne.

      • Meng

        I’d like to explain a little further why the obesity/overweight population is booming so much recently, especially in China. About 30 years ago, there was a so-called “Green Revolution” in agriculture. Just in the first 10 years we saw about a 13% rise in water and nitrogen levels in plants, and more recently this has gotten out of control, so the levels of water and nitrogen in our own bodies adversely affects our health. When you go to some of the places that our food is grown en-masse, you see all these fat plants and you think, “Hm… fat plants=fat people.” What we are also seeing because of all this genetically modified food is huge drops in peoples’ Boron and Selenium levels, also quite unhealthy. Most of China’s food supply comes from genetically modified sources, especially wheat, whereas in the west, there has been recently a growing trend toward organic food. Not growing fast enough, but growing nonetheless. When you go to Agricultural Expos around China, I can tell you that you will not hear anything about growing organically, or growing healthier in any capacity, you will just hear about growing more and faster. I don’t know a way around it because, obviously, a billion and a half mouths is a lot to feed, but it is a huge problem.

        • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

          I checked the official WHO site. Their data on obesity (by country) is rather outdated. For China, for example, it’s from 1994.

          The criterion was the percentage of people who fell into the category of normal BMI.

          Indeed, among the reported countries USA wasn’t the worst. It had 35.7% of population with normal weight. UK was worse – only 33.9%.

          Unfortunately, China (with 58.9% of its people having normal weight) rated rather badly among other Asian countries: Korea – 63.2%, Philippines – 63.7%, Mongolia – 66.6%, Vietnam – 68.5%, Japan – 68.9%, Laos – 77.1%.

          • http://www.magnoliaarts.com ZhuBaJie

            This surprises me, as where I am in the States it seems like about half the adults are noticeably overweight (especially the women), whereas I hav only, in 5 trips to China, seen one or two noticeably overweight people (both men). Maybe there’s something about the Asian build that makes the BMI biased? I’m totally disgusted when I see men in their 50s in China walking around the hutongs in summer with their shirts off and they have almost no fat on them at all! :???:

  • Blue Eyes Blonde Hair

    one day

    we will all be a mix of races

    but my blonde hair and blue eyes are recessive genes,

    and if you want the babies to have those things, you’ll have to have blonde hair and blue eyes.

  • http://www.lovelovechina.com Crystal

    By the way, to my wedding Gugu came with her boyfriend – very nice guy… Chinese :smile:

    • Thor

      Actually , Blue Eyes Blonde Hair, I`ve seen couples who had asian/white mixed babies with green and blue eyes. I also have those nordic traits and am curious about what the result  of the mix would be.