Very interesting. I have quite a few “third type” female PhD classmates with unbelievable societal pressure to get married and forget about pursuing their own goals.

So my question for the parents who finish each comment with “GET MARRIED” is… What happens mom and dad if I marry the wrong person? What if I hurry up like you are telling me and marry some guy who isn’t right for me, I don’t like but I marry him only because he’s convenient and here now. Then what? Do the parents answer that by saying that you can live with that? Grandchildren are more important than a good marriage? Parents in America also put pressure on their kids too but the idea of grandchildren is not THAT important that they would pressure their kids to marry anyone. After all, the parents aren’t the ones living with that person day in and day out. Oh wait. In China they do live together… so never mind.
So you have a mother and father who pressure the daughter. She gets married to some guy she doesn’t really care much about. They have a baby. The grandparents take over the new baby’s life. The two parents then continue to live together even though they don’t really care much about each other. Doesn’t sound like much of a life to me…

These attitudes make it easier for Western men to find well-educated, attractive, Asian women in their late 20s to 30s. Then Chinese men complain about “their” women marring Westerners.

Their loss if the ostracize the best catches. Our gain :lol:

Sort of the opposite happens here in the US when men get older and haven’t married. Somehow these men are deemed to be defective by women in the US.

All the replies so far are from men. From the attached pictures we can see that two are foreign men. It would be interesting to see how many Chinese men share the same views. Chinese men (and Chinese society in general) seem to look down on these 3S girls (who, in my opinion, may be the better catch – who would want a shopping-addicted bimbo princess?).
Right now, due to the behaviour of some Shanghai girls, due to the one child policy, due to astronomical house prices and due to greedy Shanghainese parents trying to sell their daughters off, there are many shengnu girls in Shanghai.
I imagine many of them are busy with their careers, while many of them were busy shopping and looking at themselves in the mirror. The latter group are probably at home right now, living with mum and dad, scratching their head and trying to figure out why they are still single. They’re probably wondering why they are not married to some millionaire guy and driving their BMW to shopping malls inbetween getting their nails done.
There exists in Shanghai a small microtrend right now that may never be repeated. A group of girls around the age of 30 that may never get married as life literally passes them by. This small group may not be repeated as guys who eventually can afford to buy a house in downtown Shanghai will probably not choose a girl of 33 to be his wife – not when there are dozens of 24-year-olds to choose from.
Also, there is a ton of money to be made from these chicks. What would a career-minded Shanghainese girl of 30 – 35 spend her cash on? Answer that and cash in on it because it is pure gold and no-one else is digging.
Ciao Crystal!
kisses!

I’m a cultural anthropologist and English teacher living and working in China. I have several colleagues who are about 25-26, all female, and they are desperately seeking a marriageable boyfriend. Each has an education to the level of bachelor’s degree, are feeling the pressure to get married, or become a ‘sheng nu’. Both are educated and attractive. One in particular is limiting herself exclusively to western men up to ten years older than she.

China’s society and culture have been changing dramatically in the past twenty years. However, the traditional ideas about marriage age for a woman, have not changed. The focus is to make money now, but focusing on a career while simultaneously finding a marriage partner, can be at odds.

In the future, this contradiction of early marriage age and career will have to be reconciled with an older marrying age for women in China. Until then, women feel unnecessary pressure from society, and from their own families, to get married by age 25.

In the mean time, I also see a lot of very unhappy marriages, that were rushed. The husbands are cheating on their wives, especially when they are living in a different city. But, that’s another topic best left to another article.

Yes, there is a big problem of gender imbalance, which is one reason why China leads the world in people trafficking – World Fact book – country workers can find a wife only by stealing or buying one.My experience is that Chinese women are far better workers than the men, most of whom seem interested only in sitting around, basketball, and smoking. There are strong social pressures for women to marry by about 24, and by 27 equally strong feelings of impending doom amongst those women still single. Which is why some then take a totally unsuitable husband rather than none at all. There aren’t these social pressures in the west.I’m sure a growing number of well-educated diligent women are realising they would do better alone; equally, many look amongst foreigners, not merely for escape, but because foreigners generally have a less chauvinistic approach, do not regard a wife as another chattel, but respect their wives and treat them as the equals they actually are.

Taiwan is not the same as Mainland China. They have different names for things sometimes. Maybe in Taiwan, as it is more developed, they would not regard a woman who is thirty as all washed up. In Mainland China, a girl reaches thirty and she’s pretty much done.
China is an ageist society for sure. I wonder if a girl who is around the age of 30, maybe she loses her job or wants to change jobs, could she do this? Maybe many potential employers would regard her as too old. It’s crazy.

When I was living and teaching in Japan there was a term for these types of women. It was a rather crude term yet here it is “Christmas Cake” {expired}, past 25 then not good choice for future wife. It is sad yet Asianic cultures view women as commodities and are not considerate of their feelings. Women here go out of their way to talk to me in Shenzhen yet will never even acknowledge the prescence of a Chinese man getting on the elevator. Finding a guy is no problem, finding a truly suitable one is next to impossible in the big cities. Most women go for the foreigners because they know they stand a good chance at a man who is more versed in treating a woman like a lady. If they have to marry a fat, ugly, old, bald foreigner at least she beleives her chances are better than marrying a chinese man. Too many Chinese men have too many vices, girls, drinking, smoking, gambling, do not exercise, lazy. Marrying a white foreigner seems to becoming quite the popular trend among Chinese women now. I moved here 20 months ago for that very same reason. Unfortunately many Chinese women are just like the Shanghai princess you mentioned above. I broke up with my girlfriend because she didn’t want to work towards the relationship, just wanted the rewards. Parents and siblings paid her way through life, hence she is a thirty year woman who never had a job and has been in colleges for ten years now. Her new scam is now she’s traveling to Canada for yet some more schooling. A lot of these women cause their own grief by setting the standards so high no man could ever measure up. I make 20,000 rmbs a month and yet that was not enough for her to feel secure with. I find it bizarre some of the general expectations of what constitutes a good cohesive relationship. Dysfunctionality at it’s best. Too many sabotage their chances at a future for that nonsense face. Ultimately your parents will pass away and then who is the one you need to look to. If money wasn’t god I would be getting married next month like we both planned. Chinese culture has a hard time deviating the slightest from anything and that’s what keeps China walking two steps forward one step back. I love China yet sometimes the {TIC} this is China gets old fast. Do things because it is logical and not just because someone told you to do it that way.

Ironically I read a study completed across several cultures and an extended period of time for a most likely successful marriage. They found that a 4-5 year age gap with a younger wife and she should be 27% more intelligent than the husband.

I am not sure how you make an objective measurement of the intellect, however I tend to find these single Chinese women to be my flavour. I love a smart girl, and as I am no dummy and have a Masters myself I look for the very clever women. I find that young & girly stuff a turn off, also the virginal thing is not appealing. Who wants a lover with no idea what they should do in bed?

The trick is finding a potential partner that is not still living in a fantasy world of this man who will arrive to make the dream come true, give her that BMW, let her stay home, and still feel that she is the most interesting and attractive woman ever born. Fat Chance! The other one is the need to have a baby. Where do you find a way to kill this idea? There are too many people on this planet already, we don’t need the expectations of the grandparent to force out another consumer do we?

My new girlfriend is 35 yrs old and never married. She’s lived in Shenzhen 9 years, states Shenzhen is only good for making money not having meaningful relationships. Out of almost 2 years here I actually only met 2 truly suitable women here. The other one was a 21 yr age difference {too much for me to look past}. Current girl is 13 yrs so for us it’s a no brainer we both want the same things in life. Chinese preoccupation with money creates these self perpetuating prophecies. I don’t feel bad for some of the women, they bring upon themselves with the me me attitude. Right now I live month to month and have little savings, but in her eyes that is a start as long as I really care for her.

Z, what part of China are you living in?

Dude, I’m feeling you on that note now. Exwife was Shanghainese, ooooh. So you know only too well these kind of high maintenence women. Today I was mulling over these types and came up with an interesting analogy. If you can’t afford the payments don’t buy the car. Ex was very much always looking to trade up for a better deal. Moved from Shanghai to Tokyo to Philadelphia to State College PA to New Jersey to Seattle in the course of 15 yrs. Could never be enough for her ever. Last I talked with her was 6 yrs ago discussing signing divorce papers. Subsequently she went out to date a dozen different nationalities in search of what I’ll never know or care about. I’ve friends who are from Shanghai yet would never consider anything more than friends with my past experience.

Yeah I’ve run into a few of these types. The Chinese version seem to be much more docile and easier to get along with. The western version is a bitter ball of man hating fury.

I’m getting married to a really nice girl and will prevent her from becoming the next sheng nu statistic. :)