The following post was sent to us by a lovely Chinese girl who lives in Shanghai. She is in her late 20s, enjoys a successful career with an international brand company, has traveled the world and is perhaps typical of the “modern Chinese girl” :
Money, it’s a very sensitive topic, especially in China. Money is a way to demonstrate your success and social status, but more importantly for relationships – it can serve as means of control. Most of my Chinese girlfriends think that a woman should control her husband’s salary. That means means to try and control the man so that a man wouldn’t have any chance to meet other girls or play around because he doesn’t have money of his own.
I think my colleagues, my girlfriends, and my sisters, they all serve as the money boss of their families.
Yes, I admit that in the past I also thought about it that way. But when i found out I am not a very good financial planner I realized it might not be a good idea for my family. I might spend all of my money on things that are short time and I find it difficult to save money. The result – I don’t really want to control money.
It’s not only that, it goes both ways. I wouldn’t want my man to control me or my money, as I enjoy freedom. In a family, there should be someone that plans spending and tracks money, but I don’t think I’m the person for that. I also don’t like the idea of controlling men through controlling money, its bullshit. If a man wants to have an affair, money wouldn’t stop him and control his heart.
So why i must control man’s money or life? He needs to be able to meet friends, he needs to be able to have dinner with colleagues. If I would control the money, he would never have money to pay for things, and I will feel ashamed for him.
I just wont do that.
Am I really Chinese?
She would love to hear your opinions on her dilemma and thoughts.